angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

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6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'

4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
Read all!

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angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

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Two rednecks were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog? 'The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful.  And look at the price!' The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive.  At this price, I'm buying one.' The second one smiles and pats him on the back. 'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.'
Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks his friend,  'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?'
The second redneck replies...... 'No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday'

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Ksana_-San (Learning_English) все записи автора

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If at first you don`t succeed,give up,no use looking like a fool.
You can only live once,but if you do it right,once is enough.
Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly,and for the same reason.
Quando omni flunkus moritati – when all else fails, play dead.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
A bit of hard work never killed anyone – but why risk it?
The journey of thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
How long the minute is depends on which side of the toilet door you are.

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angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

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Three men married wives from different countries. The first man married a woman from China . He told her that she was to do their dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Italy. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Canada . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

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CupOfTea (Learning_English) все записи автора

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The 100 Funniest Words in English
Abibliophobia	The fear of running out of reading material.
Absquatulate	To leave or abscond with something.
Allegator	Some who alleges.
Anencephalous	Lacking a brain.
Argle-bargle	A loud row or quarrel.
Batrachomyomachy	Making a mountain out of a molehill.
Billingsgate	Loud, raucous profanity.
Bloviate	To speak pompously or brag.
Blunderbuss	A gun with a flared muzzle or disorganized activity.
Borborygm	A rumbling of the stomach. next 90 words

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Rucci (Learning_English) все записи автора

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Твоя очередь.
It’s your turn.
ВСЕМИРНЫЙ ФОНД ДИКОЙ ПРИРОДЫ. Слоган в защиту природы, 2009
Игра в крестики и нолики. Что ты поставишь в клетку: сумку и крокодила? Деликатес или акулу? Кожаные сапоги или животное? Дерево или пачку бумаги? Земной шар или бутылку газировки?

Говорите с уверенностью.
Talk with confidence.
COLGATE Max Fresh, зубная паста. Рекламный лозунг в Чили, 2009
Комикс, в котором ничего не происходит, но все страшно много говорят

Ваши уши могут помочь вам припарковаться.
Your ears can help you park.
HONDA Jazz, автомобиль «с передними и задними парковочными сенсорами». Реклама в Португалии, 2009
Парковочные сенсоры материализованы оперными дивами, волынщиками, монахами с колоколами…
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Rucci (Learning_English) все записи автора

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Комиксы – искусство. Только забавнее.
Comics are art. But funnier.
НАЦИОНАЛЬНЫЙ МУЗЕЙ КОМИКСОВ в Италии. Имиджевый слоган

Не стой зря.
Stop for nothing.
VESPA, скутеры. Имиджевый девиз

Мир, любовь и мороженое!
Peace, love and ice-cream!
Сингапурское МОРОЖЕНОЕ (разные сорта), 2009

Ты будешь или любить их, или ненавидеть.
You’ll either love them or you’ll hate them.
MARMITE, снеки. Международный рекламный лозунг, 2008

Вы могли забыть, что у вас есть домашние животные.
You could forget you have pets.
FEBREZE REFRESHENER, средство, устраняющее в жилых помещениях запахи животных, Аргентина, 2009
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Rucci (Learning_English) все записи автора

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Первая часть креативных слоганов.
Вот оно!
This is it!
MICHAEL JACKSON. Слоган-анонс его прощального тура, который должен был начаться 13 июля...

Рутина засасывает.
Routine sucks.
TERRA, туристическая компания. Рекламный девиз в Бразилии, 2009

Позвоните нам прежде, чем дела пойдут неважно.
Call us before things go wrong.
FINANSBANK Auto Insurance, автострахование. Турция, 2009

Женский рекорд на стометровке 10:49 сек. Мужской рекорд на стометровке 09:69 сек. Разница – всего лишь автобусная остановка.
Women’s 100 m record: 10:49 secs. Men’s 100 m record: 09:69 secs. It’s just a bus stop.
NIKE Women, спортивная одежда и обувь для женщин. Рекламная кампания в ЮАР, 2009

Женский рекорд в прыжках в длину 7,52 м. Мужской рекорд в прыжках в длину 8,95 м. Разница – всего лишь скамейка.
Women’s long jump record: 7,52 m. Men’s long jump record: 8,95 m. It’s just a bench.
NIKE Women, спортивная одежда и обувь для женщин. Реклама в ЮАР, 2009

Женский рекорд в прыжках в высоту 2,09 м. Мужской рекорд в прыжках в высоту 2,45 м. Разница – всего лишь шаг.
Women’s high jump record: 2,09. Men’s high jump record: 2,45 m. It’s just a step.
NIKE Women, спортивная одежда и обувь для женщин. Рекламный слоган в ЮАР, 2009 

Если вы не наслаждаетесь своими деньгами, это сделает ваш бухгалтер. Ультралюксовый S-Класс. «Ограбьте» сами себя.
If you don’t enjoy your money, your accountant will. The ultra-luxurious S-Class. Spoil yourself.
MERCEDES-BENZ S-Класс, автомобиль. Рекламная кампания в ЮАР, 2009
 

Люди не перестают играть, потому что тогда станут старыми. Они становятся старыми, потому что перестают играть.
People don’t stop playing because they get old. They get old because they stop playing.
МУЗЕЙ ДЕТСТВА в Великобритании, 2009

Взрослого должен сопровождать ребёнок внутри.
Adults must be accompanied by inner child.
МУЗЕЙ ДЕТСТВА в Великобритании, 2009

Вы едите то, к чему прикасаетесь.
You eat what you touch.
LIFEBUOY HANDWASH, жидкое мыло. Слоган рекламы в Индонезии, 2009
На кухонной доске вместо буханки хлеба лежит домашняя собачка

Иногда человеческого глаза недостаточно.
Sometimes human eyes aren’t enough.
НАЦИОНАЛЬНЫЙ ФОНД ПОИСКОВЫХ СОБАК в США. Рекламный девиз в США, 2009
Даже среди поделенных на квадраты развалин только собака может найти нужный квадрат

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Ksana_-San (Learning_English) все записи автора Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don`t why you should.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
Diplomacy is the art of saying “good doggie”while looking for a bigger stick.
If at first you don`t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If you lend someone $100 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.

It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is." The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens !"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."