angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She says, "Yes.... My husband and I use it all the time."

"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken back. "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge.. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex.. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"

The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."

And you thought it was gonna be a dirty joke.....

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

A Family was on holiday in Australia for a week and a half when husband, wife and their 15 year old son decided to go scuba diving. The husband is in the navy and has had some scuba experience. His son wanted a picture of his mum and dad in all their gear so he got the under water camera ready to go. When it came to taking the picture the dad realized that the son looked like he was panicking as he took it and gave the 'OK' hand sign to see if he was all right.

More

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five notifications in the mail, of traffic fines for driving without a seat belt.

There’s just no cure for stupidity.

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
"Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.
More

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

A beautiful blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman', and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs that she could do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said.. "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?'
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.
"Yes", the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50, and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.
"And, by the way" the blonde added, "It's a Lexus, not a Porch".

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance.
He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.?
He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly,
"Nuns are not spinsters. Nuns are married to God!"

The patient replied, "Send the bill to my brother-in-law. "

Sway2008 (Learning_English) все записи автора

код сгенерирован конвертером видеоссылок

Умно-Красиво-Скромная (Learning_English) все записи автора

Как часто мы называем других везучими? Считаете ли вы себя удачливым человеком?
Что это значит? И как сказать это на английском? Давайте разберемся.

Наверняка, вы знакомы со словом lucky.
Но не обязательно каждый раз использовать только его, в некоторых случаях вообще
желательно употребить другое слово. Сегодня предложим изучить один синоним слова
lucky - fortunate. В
чем их различие?

Aruna_Finn (Learning_English) все записи автора

Если не трудно, подскажите как правильно перевести фразу don't you cry or suffer over me:
Неужели ты плачешь или страдаешь по мне?
Прошу тебя, не плач и не беспокойся за меня!
Льешь слезы ты по мне или страдаешь?

Есть ли еще варианты? Помогите разобраться!