Ksana_-San (Learning_English) все записи автора

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If at first you don`t succeed,give up,no use looking like a fool.
You can only live once,but if you do it right,once is enough.
Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly,and for the same reason.
Quando omni flunkus moritati – when all else fails, play dead.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
A bit of hard work never killed anyone – but why risk it?
The journey of thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
How long the minute is depends on which side of the toilet door you are.

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angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

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Three men married wives from different countries. The first man married a woman from China . He told her that she was to do their dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Italy. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Canada . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

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CupOfTea (Learning_English) все записи автора

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The 100 Funniest Words in English
Abibliophobia	The fear of running out of reading material.
Absquatulate	To leave or abscond with something.
Allegator	Some who alleges.
Anencephalous	Lacking a brain.
Argle-bargle	A loud row or quarrel.
Batrachomyomachy	Making a mountain out of a molehill.
Billingsgate	Loud, raucous profanity.
Bloviate	To speak pompously or brag.
Blunderbuss	A gun with a flared muzzle or disorganized activity.
Borborygm	A rumbling of the stomach. next 90 words

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Rucci (Learning_English) все записи автора

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Твоя очередь.
It’s your turn.
ВСЕМИРНЫЙ ФОНД ДИКОЙ ПРИРОДЫ. Слоган в защиту природы, 2009
Игра в крестики и нолики. Что ты поставишь в клетку: сумку и крокодила? Деликатес или акулу? Кожаные сапоги или животное? Дерево или пачку бумаги? Земной шар или бутылку газировки?

Говорите с уверенностью.
Talk with confidence.
COLGATE Max Fresh, зубная паста. Рекламный лозунг в Чили, 2009
Комикс, в котором ничего не происходит, но все страшно много говорят

Ваши уши могут помочь вам припарковаться.
Your ears can help you park.
HONDA Jazz, автомобиль «с передними и задними парковочными сенсорами». Реклама в Португалии, 2009
Парковочные сенсоры материализованы оперными дивами, волынщиками, монахами с колоколами…
more

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Rucci (Learning_English) все записи автора

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Комиксы – искусство. Только забавнее.
Comics are art. But funnier.
НАЦИОНАЛЬНЫЙ МУЗЕЙ КОМИКСОВ в Италии. Имиджевый слоган

Не стой зря.
Stop for nothing.
VESPA, скутеры. Имиджевый девиз

Мир, любовь и мороженое!
Peace, love and ice-cream!
Сингапурское МОРОЖЕНОЕ (разные сорта), 2009

Ты будешь или любить их, или ненавидеть.
You’ll either love them or you’ll hate them.
MARMITE, снеки. Международный рекламный лозунг, 2008

Вы могли забыть, что у вас есть домашние животные.
You could forget you have pets.
FEBREZE REFRESHENER, средство, устраняющее в жилых помещениях запахи животных, Аргентина, 2009
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Rucci (Learning_English) все записи автора

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Первая часть креативных слоганов.
Вот оно!
This is it!
MICHAEL JACKSON. Слоган-анонс его прощального тура, который должен был начаться 13 июля...

Рутина засасывает.
Routine sucks.
TERRA, туристическая компания. Рекламный девиз в Бразилии, 2009

Позвоните нам прежде, чем дела пойдут неважно.
Call us before things go wrong.
FINANSBANK Auto Insurance, автострахование. Турция, 2009

Женский рекорд на стометровке 10:49 сек. Мужской рекорд на стометровке 09:69 сек. Разница – всего лишь автобусная остановка.
Women’s 100 m record: 10:49 secs. Men’s 100 m record: 09:69 secs. It’s just a bus stop.
NIKE Women, спортивная одежда и обувь для женщин. Рекламная кампания в ЮАР, 2009

Женский рекорд в прыжках в длину 7,52 м. Мужской рекорд в прыжках в длину 8,95 м. Разница – всего лишь скамейка.
Women’s long jump record: 7,52 m. Men’s long jump record: 8,95 m. It’s just a bench.
NIKE Women, спортивная одежда и обувь для женщин. Реклама в ЮАР, 2009

Женский рекорд в прыжках в высоту 2,09 м. Мужской рекорд в прыжках в высоту 2,45 м. Разница – всего лишь шаг.
Women’s high jump record: 2,09. Men’s high jump record: 2,45 m. It’s just a step.
NIKE Women, спортивная одежда и обувь для женщин. Рекламный слоган в ЮАР, 2009 

Если вы не наслаждаетесь своими деньгами, это сделает ваш бухгалтер. Ультралюксовый S-Класс. «Ограбьте» сами себя.
If you don’t enjoy your money, your accountant will. The ultra-luxurious S-Class. Spoil yourself.
MERCEDES-BENZ S-Класс, автомобиль. Рекламная кампания в ЮАР, 2009
 

Люди не перестают играть, потому что тогда станут старыми. Они становятся старыми, потому что перестают играть.
People don’t stop playing because they get old. They get old because they stop playing.
МУЗЕЙ ДЕТСТВА в Великобритании, 2009

Взрослого должен сопровождать ребёнок внутри.
Adults must be accompanied by inner child.
МУЗЕЙ ДЕТСТВА в Великобритании, 2009

Вы едите то, к чему прикасаетесь.
You eat what you touch.
LIFEBUOY HANDWASH, жидкое мыло. Слоган рекламы в Индонезии, 2009
На кухонной доске вместо буханки хлеба лежит домашняя собачка

Иногда человеческого глаза недостаточно.
Sometimes human eyes aren’t enough.
НАЦИОНАЛЬНЫЙ ФОНД ПОИСКОВЫХ СОБАК в США. Рекламный девиз в США, 2009
Даже среди поделенных на квадраты развалин только собака может найти нужный квадрат

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Ksana_-San (Learning_English) все записи автора Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don`t why you should.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
Diplomacy is the art of saying “good doggie”while looking for a bigger stick.
If at first you don`t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If you lend someone $100 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.

It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is." The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens !"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of romaine lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single.

I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

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Three women die together in an accident
And go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says,
'We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
There are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
And although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day,
The second woman steps accidentally on a duck
And along comes St. Peter,
Who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together
With the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and,
Not wanting to be chained
For all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months
Without stepping on any ducks,
But
One day St.Peter comes up to her
With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
..... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being
Chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says,
'I don't know about you,

But I stepped on a Duck.

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