angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

 1. DON'T SWIM IN THE OCEAN
Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally large bodies of water also known as oceans. The way to determine if you are currently in an ocean is to taste the water. If it's salty don't go in.

2. LISTEN OUT FOR THE MUSIC
In the event that you are foolish enough to swim in an ocean, listen carefully for the music, as demonstrated in the marvellous documentary film Jaws. All shark attacks are preceded by the "daah-da, daah-da" chords, which will gradually become more rapid as the shark gets closer. This is due to the Doppler Effect.

3. SWIM WITH FAT PEOPLE
Try to surround yourself with more appetizing companions. If you know them well, you might even try to switch their suntan lotion with Daddies Sauce. This will definitely improve your odds.

4. DON'T GO INTO THE WATER WITHOUT A KNIFE
This is not to defend yourself but to stab the person (aka the decoy) closest to you in the case of a shark attack. Once you are sure the "decoy" is bleeding profusely... swim for your freakin' life.

5. DON'T PANIC
In the event that a shark actually bites you, try to remain calm. This really won't help you survive, but everyone else on the beach will appreciate you not shrieking madly, as this is quite unsettling and can really spoil a wonderful day out. Remember it's not always about you!

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

Mark H. Teeter  15/05/2009

Is beauty only skin deep? If so, this shallowness projects remarkable force, as English and Russian popular wisdom has long affirmed: Christopher Marlowe told us that a pretty face could "launch a thousand ships," as Helen's did at Troy, while the Soviet film "Vesna" decreed two generations ago that "Beauty is a terrible power."

Мастер_Бо (Learning_English) все записи автора

 Myths and Truths about Russia
As seen as on http://www.waytorussia.net

New: on President Putin, Privatization, and Khodorkovsky...

Sometimes we hear and see so many striking, odd and new things about Russia on TV or in newspapers or from the people we meet, that I think I'm missing something! Really, it turns out I live at such a dangerous place flooded with mafiosi, catastrophes, bombings happening all the time, with deadly cold winters, demolished economy, depressed people that I'm really surprised I'm still alive and living here. The point is that all those things about Russia are either not true or very much exaggerated.

Aruna_Finn (Learning_English) все записи автора

 Helen’s eyes were not very good. So, she usually wore glasses. But when she was seventeen and began to go out with a young man, she never wore her glasses when she was with him. When he came to the door to take her out, she took her glasses off, but when she came home again and he left she put them on.
One day her mother said to her: “Helen, why do you never wear your glasses when you’re with Jim? He takes you to beautiful places in his car, but you don’t see anything”.
“Well, Mother,” said Helen, “I look prettier to Jim when I’m not wearing my glasses and he looks better to me, too”

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

 A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family , so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.


The nanny , we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future .

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his fath ER in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

 Cup of Tea .
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know... :)

'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

 IQ Quiz

http://www.risingstarkaraoke.com/monday_test.html

Клаудия-не-Шифер (Learning_English) все записи автора

 Only two things are infinits, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Enigmag (Learning_English) все записи автора

 Подчеркните Participle 1 и Participle2 и установите функции каждого из них, укажите, является ли оно определением, обстоятельством или составной частью глагола-сказуемого.

1. Men will drink water containing 1 part in 1000of dissolved salt, animals will drink water than is must more saline, while food-plants demand a purer water.
2. The Nile River is the only river flowing within the territory of Egypt and the source of water for irrigation of lands in the country.
3. For us, situated of 5000 years, it is hard not to feel sympathy with the unknown engineer who so boldly attempted the impossible – for that age, the Egyptian dam.
4. The ends of the delivering and watering pipe-lines are fitted with special flushing valves which serve to free the pipe –lines of salt