angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

 There were two nuns..

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

And the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes?
I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing.
He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way.
He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Say two Hail Marys!

And.. Of course - forward this mail!

Rucci (Learning_English) все записи автора

Потрясающее произведение, представленное в виде параллельного текста, что, безусловно, будет полезно для изучающих язык и просто любителей. Из всех существующих, действительно стоящим считаю именно перевод Фейлена. Чтобы настолько точно прочувствовать произведение, нужно быть по-настоящему талантливым. Рекомендую. 

Вложение: 3726585_oneginbyfalenrussianenglishparalleltext.pdf

CupOfTea (Learning_English) все записи автора

Прошу вас, помогите с художественным переводом.
Комочек сахара наслаждался в горячем чае и от удовольствия пускал пузырьки.
- Я плыву! - думал он, и погружался в нирвану.
- Он что утопился, что ли? - решили наверху и начали искать его ложкой по всему стакану. Конечно, ничего не нашли.

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'
'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.
'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.
'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'
'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.
'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'
'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'
The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'
I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch..When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, 'It's Lent.'In tears, she sobbed, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!Who in the hell did you lend it to, and for how long?'

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

More

never_givin_up (Learning_English) все записи автора

Each day is a new canvas to paint upon.

Make sure your picture is full of life and happiness.
And at the end of the day you don’t look at it
and wish - you had painted something different. (c)

never_givin_up (Learning_English) все записи автора

 Laws Of Success

Do you want something — Will you pay the price.
The great sin — Gossip.
The great crippler — Fear.
The greatest mistake — Giving up.
The most satisfying experience — Doing your duty first.
The best action — Keep the mind clear and judgement good.
The greatest blessing — Good health.
The biggest fool - The man who lies to himself.
The great gamble — Substituting hope for facts.
The most certain thing in life — Change.
The greatest joy — Being needed.
The cleverest man — The one who does what he thinks is right.
The most potent force — Positive thinking.
The greatest opportunity — The next one.
The greatest thought — God.
The greatest victory — Victory over self.
The best play — Successful work.
The greatest handicap — Egotism.
The most expensive indulgence — Hate.
The most dangerous man — The liar.
The most ridiculous trait — False pride.
The greatest loss — Loss of self confidence.
The greatest need — Common sense.

From archives; Shared on Text Mail .

never_givin_up (Learning_English) все записи автора

21 Things To Remember

1. No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.

2. Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.

3. Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.

4. Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.

5. Success stops when you do.

6. When your ship comes in…. make sure you are willing to unload it.

7. You will never have it all together.

8. Life is a journey…not a destination. Enjoy the trip!

9. The biggest lie on the planet When I get what I want I will be happy.

10. The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.

11. I’ve learned that ultimately , ‘takers’ lose and ‘givers’ win.

12. Life’s precious moments don’t have value, unless they are shared.

13. If you don’t start, it’s certain you won’t arrive.

14. We often fear the thing we want the most.

15. He or she who laughs……lasts.

16. Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.

17. Look for opportunities…not guarantees.

18. Life is what’s coming….not what was.

19. Success is getting up one more time.

20. Now is the most interesting time of all.

21. When things go wrong…..don’t go with them.

From archives; Shared on Text Mail