"Married with Children" Pilot (1987) Quotes |
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Married with children & Vibrator Statements |
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Episode 102: Thinnergy
[ Al won't have sex with Peg ]
Marcy: " Peggy, what would you say if I told you I had the answer to all of your problems?"
Peggy: " I don't know... I bought one of those and it's just not the same."
Episode 210: The Razor's Edge
Al: " They [women] need us [men] just as much as we need them. Why? Because we can do the job and you can't take a battery home to meet your mother."
Episode 210: The Razor's Edge
[ Marcy explains to Peggy about appealing to Steve's intellect to shave his beard, then she pauses ]
Marcy: "Do you have any batteries?"
[ Peggy nods sadly ]
Episode 306: Her Cups Runneth Over
Marcy: " What would men do if they had breasts?"
Al: " We wouldn't need women anymore."
Peg: " If you had what other men had, I wouldn't need batteries anymore."
Al: " That's what happened to my DieHard."
Episode 309: The Gypsy Cried
[ Gypsy Madam Olga sits on the Bundy couch ]
Madam Olga: " Please sit down. I feel very strong vibrations here."
Al: [to Peg] " Did you leave your toy running under the couch again?"
Peg: " No, it's in the shop. It's being turbocharged."
Episode 603: If Al Had a Hammer
Jefferson: Having sex with your pregnant wife is like putting gas into a car you've already wrecked.
Al: Well thank God mine pulls into self-service!
Episode 609: Kelly Does Hollywood, Part 1
[ Al says about the Channelmaster 2000 - the ultimate TV remote control - that it could override all battery operated appliances in the house ]
Peggy: Even Otis?
Al: Especially Otis!!
Episode 620: Hi I.Q.
[ Al has plugged in dozens of devices into a single outlet ]
Peg: " Don't you have enough things plugged in?"
Al: " The only experience you have is with things that use batteries."
Episode 718: Peggy and the Pirates
[ When Peg is in bed with Seven, she is looking through her nightstand for a book to read. While she is scrimmaging through the drawer, we hear a buzzing noise. ]
Peg, laughing: "How'd that get in there?"
Episode 722: Till Death Do Us Part
[ Peg & Al had sex previuos night ]
Al: " I'm surprised you could make it down those steps this morning."
Peg: " I was pretty tired. I hope that buzzing didn't keep you awake."
Al: " Those darn bees. I think one of them stung you 'cos I heard you scream."
Episode 805: Banking on Marcy
[ Al says that "it" doesn't work anyone ]
Peg: " Well, I guess we can just put it behind us and get on with the rest of our lives."
Al: "But Peg, what will you do?"
Peg: "Oh, I'll be alright. I'll just keep going and going and going..." [ She is referring to Energizer batteries ]
Episode 806: No Chicken, no Check
[ Peg & the kids come home from shopping ]
Bud, to Peg: " I think we got everything you want from the store. "
[ Bud starts to take things out of a bag ]
Bud: " Burbon-flavoured bon-bons... romance novels... Kenny G CD... "
Kelly: " Mmm, you and Dad are gonna have quite a time tonight, huh Mom? "
Bud: " ... batteries... "
Episode 917: Get the Dodge out of Hell
Al: " What is it with you, Peg? You can change D batteries in the dark yet you can't find a 2 ton car in broad daylight."
Episode 921: And Bingo Was Her Game-O
[ Al didn't pick Peggy up with his car ]
Peg: " True to his performance in bed, I think it's safe to say Al has let me down again. Unfortunately in this case, I can't reach into the nightstand and get myself home."
Episode 922: The Undergraduate
[ Peg tries to work the vacuum cleaner ]
Peg: " Al, I don't think this thing is working."
Al: " Ah, Peg. Unlike many of your other devices, this doesn't need batteries."
Episode 926: Radio Free Trumaine
[ After Peggy says to Al that 'when he gets beef, she gets beef', Al goes to sleep and Peggy goes upstairs ]
Bud: "Mom, we are you going?"
Peg: "Upstairs, to get some hamburger helper."
Episode 1001: A Shoe Room with a View
Peg: What is that thing?
Al: It's a remote control over-write Peg! It's on sale at The Real Man shop.
Peggy: Well while you were there, why don't you pick up a real man!
Al: Don't push it, Peg. It also controls many of your other hand-held electronic devices.
Episode 1101: The Stepford Peg
[ Peg made a drink with a tool she found in her nightstand; Bob Rooney spits out his drink, but Ike grins and takes a swig of his one ]
<Episode 1113: God Help Ye, Merry Bundymen
[ Peggy asks for a Christmas tree ]
Al: What do we need something sitting in the living room taking up electricity for? We have you for that!"
Vibration Statements
There are also some lines about other things that vibrate...
Episode 103: Sixteen Years and what Do You Get
Al about a car stereo: "I fixed the bass control, so it doesn't vibrate your tush."
Peggy: "Actually I kinda liked that."
Episode 715: Heels on Wheels
[ Kelly buys a motorcycle and Peggy takes a liking to its vibrations ]
Visible Orgasms
303 - Marcy (thinking of Elvis)
421 - Marcy (thinking of high school home economics)
514 - Peggy (thinking of Al's profit with meter maid shoes)
704 - Peggy (counting money)
711 - Peggy & Al (looking at money)
805 - Marcy (holding a speech)
912 - Marcy (looking at a picture of John F. Kennedy, Jr.)
926 - Marcy (looking at Nikolai)
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Kellyisms |
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Season 7 & 11 - quotes |
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Season 6 - quotes |
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Season 5 - quotes |
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Quotes from season 4 |
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Quotes from season 3 |
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Quotes from season 2 |
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Quotes from season 1 |
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Question in Yahoo about Peg |
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So, a funny question was asked by Nofear_intrepid40:
Did society learn anything at all from Peggy Bundy?
And the answers were:
And what d'you think about this, guys?
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Al Bundy's Ferguson |
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For those of you who have been living inside your own toilets, Al Bundy was the alpha male character in the great Fox sitcom Married... With Children. Al's total and utter despair in modern suburbia showed us all exactly what a truly miserable life would be like. His children were morons, his wife was a lazy, red-headed, nagging monster, and his neighbor was a maniacal lesbian. When he left his shitty castle, he went to his shitty job selling shoes to fat women.
Al: When I was growing up, I had two dreams. One was being an astronaut and landing on the planet Jane Mansfield. The other was having a bathroom all to myself. Well, Daddy got blown off course and had to crash on a much darker planet. (Al touches Peggy's head.) But family, I'm going to realize my second dream. I'm going to build a bathroom -- the greatest bathroom in the world. And I want you to know something, all of you -- NOBODY USES THAT BATHROOM BUT ME.
Yes, a truly miserable life was his. His only escapes were watching his favorite TV show Psycho Dad, holding council with his men's club NO MA'AM, and driving in his beloved car, the mighty Dodge. But mightier than all those joys in Al's life was his love for his Ferguson.
Al: When I was a boy I told myself when I grew up I would have one thing. A toilet bowl like my dad had.
Peggy: I thought it was a head like a peanut. He had one of those, too.
Al: you're not going to ruin my moment, Peg. Now stand back and feast your eyes on... this!
Kelly: is it just me, or is that a toilet?Al: Not just a toilet... a FERGUSON. The King of bowls!
Rarely would you see Al ever happy in his life of hell. His only smiles came when he was watching TV and when he was entering his place of Zen: his bathroom. There was originally only one bathroom in the Bundy household. But in Season three, Al takes it upon himself to build himself the bathroom to end all bathrooms, replete with Ferguson. In typical Al Bundy style, it comes out as a cold, dark place. But in a future episode, when Peg remodels it into bright, vibrant colors, Al destroys it and rebuilds it using his symbol of manhood: his father's hammer.
Al: Bud, sit down. Let me tell you the story of the Ferguson. Now these babies were made in Maine, you know, at the little Ferguson factory. It's the Stradivarius of toilets. And my Dad could play it like a violin.Yup, I'll never forget the time my dad took me to Maine to visit the factory. I had to go to the bathroom. And I begged him to pull into a truck stop. He said no, wait until we get there! It'll be worth it! It was!
How could a man survive such a horrid life? He could survive because his Ferguson got him through it. Whenever Al was feeling down, he would go one of two places: to rest upon his mighty Ferguson, or down to the local nudie bar. And, really, what else does a man need?
Bud: Excuse me, Dad, but a toilet is a toilet.Al: (grimacing) Bud... the toilets today aren't worthy of the name! They come in designer colors... they're too low! When you flush them, they make this weak, almost apologetic sound. But not the Ferguson. It only comes in white. And when you flush it... BaaaWOOOSH! That's a man's flush, Bud. A Ferguson says, "I'm a toilet. Sit down and give me your best shot." Oh, if only a Ferguson could speak, the tales it would tell!
And now I've got one of my very own!
I just wish... Dad could be ali--- (Al breaks down)
Al: Oh look, Dad, I'm sitting on my own Ferguson! Just like you always knew I would!
The bathroom is a man's sanctuary, a place of rest. When life gives your lemons, you take a big shit. And that's exactly what Al did. After a bad day of selling women's shoes, he would retreat to his bathroom. After wrestling traffic to make it home to his ungrateful wife and kids, he would go and bond with his Ferguson.
Al: Daddy loves you!Al's bond with his toilet speaks volumes about our society. It wasn't an accident that Married... With Children was on the air for ten years. Writers base sitcoms on our lifestyles. How many of us can't wait to get home, not because we want to see our children or spouse, but because we want to sit down on the pot? After a long day of work and stress, the only place where we can let go and be stress-free is the bathroom. The bathroom is our Eden. For me, after dealing with all the bullshit of my job, nothing cleanses my head better then a good, hearty dump. I feel almost vindicated, like I finally accomplished something in the day. No matter how bad my day has been, getting home to my familiar Ferguson always takes the edge of. No more stress, no more people yelling, no more phone calls. Just peace, serenity, and my favorite magazine.Peggy: What does that toilet have that I don't?
Al: A job.
Kelly: Well. Daddy finally finished his bathroom. You know, the living room seems so much bigger without the Ferguson.Peggy: Yeah... this must be quite a moment for your father. He's in there breaking in the Ferguson as we speak. Must be having fun... he's been in there for over an hour.
Al comes in.
Peggy: How was it, Al?
Al: (Sits down on the couch.) I don't know, Peg. I'm constipated.
Al: This is the worst day of my life. I wonder if this ever happened to Dad?
Peggy: You want me to undercook you some chicken, honey?
Al: No, but thanks anyway, Peg. It'll take something a lot stronger than raw chicken to get me fixed up.
Al turns on the TV.
Announcer: And now stay tuned for the rest of our exciting ABC lineup. Roseanne! Moonlighting! And the award-winning Thirtysomething.
Al nods, picks up a newspaper, puts it under his arm, and heads to the bathroom.
взято с www.poopreport.com/
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Al Bundy talks: best of the best quotes |
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Some funny quotes |
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Bundy Credos |
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Peggy Bundy quotes |
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Peggy & Al quotes |
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