We have an expression in English that describes finding love as ‘falling in love.’ To say that you are ‘falling in love’ suggests that love is something that you can’t control. Love is powerful. It overcomes us and we are powerless. Like gravity, we can’t resist it. And sometimes we even ‘fall head over heels’ in love when we meet that special someone.

Common wisdom says that love is a mystery. Either we have some indescribable chemistry or we don’t, but what if there was a recipe to create love? Some people think there is and point to the research of Dr. Arthur Aron to back it up. Dr. Aron is the head of the Interpersonal Relationships Lab at Stonybrook University. In 1997, Dr. Aron and hiscolleagues created 36 questions that are designed to quickly make strangers bond, and even fall in love. They tested their questions by partnering up complete strangers in a lab. After only 45 minutes of answering 36 questions, the couples reported feeling unusually close to each other. One couple even fell in love and married just 6 months after the experiment. The whole lab was invited to their wedding.

These 36 questions start off being fairly casual and fun, but they gradually become more and more personal. According to Aron and his colleagues, these types of personal questions force people to be increasingly open and vulnerable. And this vulnerability is one of the necessary ingredients for intimacy and love.

The questions start out casual and relaxed asking what famous person you would like to have dinner with, but they quickly become more personal. You can find all 36 questions online, but here is a quick roundup of some of the more meaty questions that get even strangers to open up.

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

There is one more step to this 36 question recipe to create intimacy. Partners end by staring into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes. According to one English expression ‘the eyes are the windows to the soul.’

What do you think? Is there really a 36-step recipe to love, or is love simply a wonderful mystery?