never_givin_up (Learning_English) все записи автора

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A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him.
After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, “After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?”
The other friend replied “When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.”
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE. (c) 

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angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

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A Family was on holiday in Australia for a week and a half when husband, wife and their 15 year old son decided to go scuba diving. The husband is in the navy and has had some scuba experience. His son wanted a picture of his mum and dad in all their gear so he got the under water camera ready to go. When it came to taking the picture the dad realized that the son looked like he was panicking as he took it and gave the 'OK' hand sign to see if he was all right.

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Frau_Belka (Learning_English) все записи автора

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 "Fifteen men on the dead man's chest-- Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!"


Пятнадцать человек на сундук мертвеца.Йо-хо-хо, и бутылка рому!

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never_givin_up (Learning_English) все записи автора

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 The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the waters close to Japan have not held many fish for decades. 

So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring in the fish. If the return trip took more than a few days, the fish were not fresh. The Japanese did not like  the taste.

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angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

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Mark H. Teeter  15/05/2009

Is beauty only skin deep? If so, this shallowness projects remarkable force, as English and Russian popular wisdom has long affirmed: Christopher Marlowe told us that a pretty face could "launch a thousand ships," as Helen's did at Troy, while the Soviet film "Vesna" decreed two generations ago that "Beauty is a terrible power."

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Aruna_Finn (Learning_English) все записи автора

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 Helen’s eyes were not very good. So, she usually wore glasses. But when she was seventeen and began to go out with a young man, she never wore her glasses when she was with him. When he came to the door to take her out, she took her glasses off, but when she came home again and he left she put them on.
One day her mother said to her: “Helen, why do you never wear your glasses when you’re with Jim? He takes you to beautiful places in his car, but you don’t see anything”.
“Well, Mother,” said Helen, “I look prettier to Jim when I’m not wearing my glasses and he looks better to me, too”

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angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора

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 A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family , so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.


The nanny , we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future .

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his fath ER in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.

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never_givin_up (Learning_English) все записи автора

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 Why Mothers Cry…

“Why are you crying?” he asked his mom. ”Because I’m a mother,” she told him. ”I don’t understand,” he said. His mom just hugged him and said, “You never will!”

Later the little boy asked his father why Mother seemed to cry for no reason. ”All mothers cry for no reason,” was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why mothers cry. So he finally put in a call to God and when God got on the phone the man said, “God, why do mothers cry so easily.”

God said, “You see son, when I made mothers they had to be special. I made their shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. I gave them an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times come from their children.”

“I gave them a hardiness that allows them to keep going when everyone else gives up, and to take care of their families through sickness and fatigue without complaining.”

“I gave them the sensitivity to love their children under all circumstances, even when their child has hurt them very badly. This same sensitivity helps them to make a child’s boo-boo feel better and helps them share a teenager’s anxieties and fears.”

“I gave them a tear to shed. It’s theirs exclusively to use whenever it’s needed. It’s their only weakness. It’s a tear for mankind.” (c)

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never_givin_up (Learning_English) все записи автора

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A man stopped at a flower shop for ordering some flowers to be sent as a gift to his mother who lived two hundred miles away. 

As he got out of his car he noticed a young girl sitting on the curb sobbing. He asked her what was wrong and she replied, “I wanted to buy a red rose for my mother. But I only have seventy-five cents, and a rose costs two dollars.” 

The man smiled and said, “Come on in with me. I’ll buy you a rose.” He bought the little girl her rose and ordered his own mother’s flowers. 

As they were leaving he offered the girl a ride home. She said, “Yes, please! You can take me to my mother.” She directed him to a cemetery, where she placed the rose on a freshly dug grave.

The man returned to the flower shop, cancelled the gifting order, picked up a bouquet and drove the two hundred miles to his mother’s house.

At times we take many such relationships with our family and friends for granted. Learn to value them.

By Pravs.

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Rita-ApRiL (Learning_English) все записи автора

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George B. : Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condoleeza R.: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George B.: Great. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza R.: Hu is the new leader of China.
George B.: That's what I want to know.
Condoleeza R.: That's what I'm telling you.
George B.: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: I mean the fellow's name.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The guy in China.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The new leader of China.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The Chinaman!
Condoleeza R.: Hu is leading China.
George B.: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condoleeza R.: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George B.: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condoleeza R.: That's the man's name.
George B.: That's who's name?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condoleeza R.: That's correct.
George B.: Then who is in China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir is in China?
Condoleeza R.: No, sir.
George B.: Then who is?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir?
Condoleeza R.: No, sir.
George B.: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condoleeza R.: Kofi?
George B.: No, thanks.
Condoleeza R.: You want Kofi?
George B.: No.
Condoleeza R.: You don't want Kofi.
George B.: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi?
George B.: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condoleeza R.: And call who?
George B.: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condoleeza R.: Hu is the guy in China.
George B.: Will you stay out of China?!
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi.
George B.: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condoleeza R.: Rice, here.
George B.: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. 

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