The blonde who married a catholic... |
angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch..When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, 'It's Lent.'In tears, she sobbed, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!Who in the hell did you lend it to, and for how long?'
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Calling the police... |
angryrat (Learning_English) все записи автора
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
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The Gervais Guide to Avoiding Redundancy |
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Paint Your Day... |
never_givin_up (Learning_English) все записи автора
Each day is a new canvas to paint upon.
Make sure your picture is full of life and happiness.
And at the end of the day you don’t look at it
and wish - you had painted something different. (c)
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Laws Of Success... |
never_givin_up (Learning_English) все записи автора
Laws Of Success
Do you want something — Will you pay the price.
The great sin — Gossip.
The great crippler — Fear.
The greatest mistake — Giving up.
The most satisfying experience — Doing your duty first.
The best action — Keep the mind clear and judgement good.
The greatest blessing — Good health.
The biggest fool - The man who lies to himself.
The great gamble — Substituting hope for facts.
The most certain thing in life — Change.
The greatest joy — Being needed.
The cleverest man — The one who does what he thinks is right.
The most potent force — Positive thinking.
The greatest opportunity — The next one.
The greatest thought — God.
The greatest victory — Victory over self.
The best play — Successful work.
The greatest handicap — Egotism.
The most expensive indulgence — Hate.
The most dangerous man — The liar.
The most ridiculous trait — False pride.
The greatest loss — Loss of self confidence.
The greatest need — Common sense.
From archives; Shared on Text Mail .
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21 Things To Remember... |
never_givin_up (Learning_English) все записи автора
21 Things To Remember
1. No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.
2. Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.
3. Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
4. Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.
5. Success stops when you do.
6. When your ship comes in…. make sure you are willing to unload it.
7. You will never have it all together.
8. Life is a journey…not a destination. Enjoy the trip!
9. The biggest lie on the planet When I get what I want I will be happy.
10. The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.
11. I’ve learned that ultimately , ‘takers’ lose and ‘givers’ win.
12. Life’s precious moments don’t have value, unless they are shared.
13. If you don’t start, it’s certain you won’t arrive.
14. We often fear the thing we want the most.
15. He or she who laughs……lasts.
16. Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
17. Look for opportunities…not guarantees.
18. Life is what’s coming….not what was.
19. Success is getting up one more time.
20. Now is the most interesting time of all.
21. When things go wrong…..don’t go with them.
From archives; Shared on Text Mail
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Secrets of Love... |
never_givin_up (Learning_English) все записи автора
Secrets of Love...
The First Secret - The Power Of Thought
***********************************
Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about others and ourselves. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires. Thinking about your ideal partner will help you recognize her when you meet her.
The Second Secret - The Power Of Respect
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You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect asks yourself, “What do I respect about myself?” To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself “What do I respect about them?”
The Third Secret - The Power Of Giving
**********************************
If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them. The secret formula of a
happy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.
The Fourth Secret - The Power Of Friendship
***************************************
To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other’s eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil xthrough which love’s seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.
The Fifth Secret - The Power Of Touch
**********************************
Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.
The Sixth Secret - The Power Of Letting Go
*************************************
If you love something, let it free. If it comes back to you it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was. Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. “Today I let go of all my fears, the past
has no power over me - today is the beginning of a new life.”
The Seventh Secret - The Power Of Communication
********************************************
When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: “I Love you.” Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone. Always leave someone you love with a loving word - it could be the last time you see them. If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and..why are you waiting?
The Eighth Secret - The Power Of Commitment
****************************************
If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.
The Ninth Secret - The Power Of Passion
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Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone; it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences when you felt passionate. Spontaneity and surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do
is to live each day with passion.
The Tenth Secret - The Power Of Trust
*********************************
Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels wrapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself, “Do I trust them completely and unreservedly?” If the answer is “no”, think carefully before making a commitment. (c)
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Интересные темы для реферата... |
Lis-de-Vanille (Learning_English) все записи автора
Добрый вечер =)
Мое задание по ИКСИИ состоит в написании достаточно объёмного реферата на английском,разумеется,(около сорока страниц) на свободную тему.Есть несколько условий:
И я бы хотела спросить,возможно,Вы можете посоветовать мне,пожалуйста, какую-нибудь яркую,не заезженную и интересную тему,однако,с тем,что в интернете по ней достаточно информации?
Заранее большое спасибо.
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Любопытная игра слов)... |
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Mad Magazine... |
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