В колонках играет - Nirvana - About A GirlI know I've forgotten you, my dear diary. My old friend, my truly faithful friend. For the last 6 years I prefer to be in LJ. I keep posting here as a copy actions after posting there. But I remember you.
We started our work on February 18, 2004. That's an important day when my quite organized Web-chronics begins. Could you realise it's eighteen years already passed. You faithfully keep a history of my life for those years. And that's not a darned joke, my dear diary. That's a whole piece of life.
I'm going to try to compose a lot of facts and thoughts in my head using my poor English writing skill and a poor vocabulary. I also want to avoid using of any translators.
I know that any other person would ask me now: 'What a weird idea, man? Take in easy. Use your mother tongue!'
Yeah it is. But I'll try. That also means I'm going to tell you here in this letters and words some thoughts I shy to explain in Russian.
A lot of facts and thoughts in my head I said? Meh. That would be too easy to expain. But the most of my current thoughts are located somewhere deep in my chest. In the place where people are used to consider is located soul.
A song of Nirvana as a heading's chosen purposely. It's name It's lyrics also remembers my interest at 90's and early 00's to that band and that song. There's nothing markable there. That lyrics doesn't consist any deep thoughts. In order ro make my text more bright and correct I just want to use an idea and a spirit of that song.
That song's name also directly points at this post idea. A post about a girl, heh.
You remember those 'auld lang syne' of Web 1.0 on late 90s' and eraly 00's. At those times, here on this server, couple of months later our beginning I started to visit local forum. A usual Internet surfing, comments, contacts, communications. I met a user in my forum theme. A couple of comments, toward an unknown user, a girl, nothing unusual.
Nothing unusual, they said...
I found that forum topic recently. Our firts meeting took place on Friday june 4, 2004. Thank God for web.archive.org!
Could you realise, my dear friend, those 'nothing unusual' couple of comments finally turned into a deep piece of me during ALL the last eighteen years?
She also started to keep a diary here.
You remember her in local comments. A girl with an unusual name taken from 'Dom Dwa' TV-show. That was my strong opinion at tan time. A girl with an interesting image on avatar. She use to send specific comments, distinctive for her only.
We also started to chat in ICQ. Her comments and messages were always different from others. There was a some highlight in a spirit of their words. My communication with her was unique. But there was nothing especial on unusual at first look of 22 y.o. me in those times.
She was a kind of active or even a little bit aggressive hedgehog maybe. She was different from all others very much. One of her unusual feature was an interesting combination of cold unreachability, cute words and active position. That was my opinion for those years.
I got to know she live on Far East of our country. A far-far Sakhalin Island. I started to track that place since that time. TV-news, colleagues etc.
Thanks God I saved our ICQ log as I used to do for those times.
She loved to tell about music and to share many musical compositions. A lot of them are beautiful and I have them in my music until nowadays.
I didn't have any pictures of that girl for those times.
At those EARLY times, as it became clear later.
A little bit later she confessed to me that her real name is other that current nickname. Her name's Alexandra. She also invited me to LiveJournal.
Nothing unusual, in comparison to some other girls I thought...
'Nothing unusual' so much so that I began to have dreams with her participation soon. 'Nothing unusual' so much so that one of those dream forced me to wake up with a wildly pounding heart.
She also told me about her night dreams with my participation some years later.
We decreased our communication later, until 2007. She sent me a bunch of pictures on 2007. That looked and sensed like a thunder in the sky. She looked unreachable beautiful. My old chat-girlfriend with an unreachable mystery. But we were busy on those years. Our communication took place rarely.
Then I started to lean English. We have some messages in English. She moved to Moscow and met some funny relationships. I was really happy she found her love, as I supposed. She deserved that. I still considered myself unworthy of her close attention.
But I used to think about her everytime. She always was in my thoughts as a fleeting image of an angel appearing for some seconds. Then a remembered she was unreachable and I have to switch my thoughts to something else.
2010's passed under sign of new family relationships. My communication with her was more and more rare. Then she missed for some time. No any contacts, no any social network accounts. A little bit later she finally returned here and send some comments. A little bit later I got to know she get a serious promotion. She is a hero.
Terrible 2021 year events and its consequences turned my life into scorched steppe. But my Alexandra appeared on horizont. I tried to communicate again. And I have some progress It seems.
As a result of this a controversial year our communication turned into something more than empty funny chattin' as it used to be with many others .
But the main piece of news is the fact my soul COULD be alive. I feel life in my heart. That incredible like a big soft and warm flower opens in the chest. My Alexandra brings me to life. It need to bring her to life as well.
Life is beautiful and amazing anyway.
Carry on!
So my dear diary, my old friend, it seems I'm ready to make a decisions and to perform a great acts.
