1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died inchildbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, andinfluenza ravaged whole nations.
4. Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death.
5. Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously cumulative: 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread.
100% of all soldiers have eaten bread.
96.9% of all Communist sympathizers have eaten bread.
99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate breadwithin 6 months preceding the accident.
93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread isserved frequently. 6. Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of allpeople born before 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a100% mortality rate.
7. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a labrat. The average American eats more bread than that in one day!
8. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a lowincidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, andosteoporosis.
9. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived ofbread and being fed only water begged for bread after as littleas two days.
10. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to"harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and evencold cuts.
11. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human bodyis more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread couldlead to your body being taken over by this absorptive foodproduct, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
12. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
13. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than oneminute.
14. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In the light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which mayappeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
LI 7.05.22
Хельга Винчестер
и вообще мине стыдно.... От меня скоро шарахаться будут, потому как еще никто никуда нормально не доехал, когда ехал со мной.... 
