-Подписка по e-mail

 

 -Поиск по дневнику

Поиск сообщений в angryrat

 -Сообщества

Читатель сообществ (Всего в списке: 3) Любовь-это Репортажи_Лиру WiseAdvice

 -Статистика

Статистика LiveInternet.ru: показано количество хитов и посетителей
Создан: 19.12.2006
Записей:
Комментариев:
Написано: 6213






Dog and squirrels

Понедельник, 06 Июля 2009 г. 16:07 + в цитатник
[im]http://office-humour.co.uk/content/images/2009/06/12414.jpg [/img]

The traffic camera

Понедельник, 06 Июля 2009 г. 16:03 + в цитатник
A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five notifications in the mail, of traffic fines for driving without a seat belt.

There’s just no cure for stupidity.

Мужики, они и в африке - мужики!

Понедельник, 06 Июля 2009 г. 15:17 + в цитатник

Насколько плоха ваша работа?

Понедельник, 06 Июля 2009 г. 15:04 + в цитатник



Процитировано 2 раз

Как это???

Понедельник, 06 Июля 2009 г. 14:19 + в цитатник

Нужен водопроводчик?

Понедельник, 06 Июля 2009 г. 14:15 + в цитатник

Age VS Wisdom

Понедельник, 06 Июля 2009 г. 14:12 + в цитатник
A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,

"Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,


"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.


The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.



Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have
ever seen.

I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?

I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

Blonde teenager

Понедельник, 06 Июля 2009 г. 13:52 + в цитатник
A beautiful blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman', and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs that she could do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said.. "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?'

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes", the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50, and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

"And, by the way" the blonde added, "It's a Lexus, not a Porch".

Hospital bill

Понедельник, 06 Июля 2009 г. 13:36 + в цитатник
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance.
He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.?
He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly,
"Nuns are not spinsters. Nuns are married to God!"

The patient replied, "Send the bill to my brother-in-law. "

Эти забавные животные

Понедельник, 06 Июля 2009 г. 13:31 + в цитатник



Процитировано 1 раз

Ммммм)

Воскресенье, 05 Июля 2009 г. 22:44 + в цитатник
Это цитата сообщения Уютный_дом [Прочитать целиком + В свой цитатник или сообщество!]

Сырные шарики



Уже был у меня такой рецепт, но не грех повториться!
4 белка
200 г тертого сыра
немного муки
жир для жаренья
мелко нарубленная зелень
соль, перец.

Белки посолить и взбить, осторожно прибавить тертый сыр. Полученную довольно густую массу можно поперчить. Сформировать небольшие шарики, обвалять их в муке и обжарить в кипящем жире. Когда шарики увеличатся в объеме вдвое, вынуть их, обсушить и подавать на блюде, посыпав большим количеством зелени петрушки.
 (699x465, 185Kb)
Нужен свадебный фотограф? Обращайтесь по ссылке, сообщество профессиональных фотографов поможет вам запечатлеть самые яркие моменты жизни!

Винный погреб

Пятница, 03 Июля 2009 г. 13:38 + в цитатник



Процитировано 1 раз

Helmet

Пятница, 19 Июня 2009 г. 15:51 + в цитатник
The first testicular guard (a Cup) was used in baseball in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1934.

It took 60 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

New Economy

Пятница, 19 Июня 2009 г. 15:45 + в цитатник
It is the month of August, 0n the shores of the Black Sea.
It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is
tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives
on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.

He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the
reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs
in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs
to pay his debt to the butcher.

The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay
his debt to the pig grower.

The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay
his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and
runs to pay his debt to the town’s prostitute that, in these
hard times, gave her “services” on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with
the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the
rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back
on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect
anything.

At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting
the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that
he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now
without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is doing business today.



Процитировано 1 раз

Интересная идея для дачи))

Пятница, 19 Июня 2009 г. 15:29 + в цитатник

Beware of dog

Пятница, 19 Июня 2009 г. 15:28 + в цитатник

Интересная идея для дачи))

Пятница, 19 Июня 2009 г. 15:23 + в цитатник
[img]http://office-humour.co.uk/content/images/2009/06/12288.jpg [img]

The cruise

Пятница, 19 Июня 2009 г. 15:12 + в цитатник
DEAR DIARY . DAY ONE
All packed for the cruise ship - all my sexiest dresses and make-up.
Really excited.

DEAR DIARY . DAY TWO
Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins.
Met the Captain today - seems a very nice man.

DEAR DIARY . DAY THREE
At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit golf balls off the deck.
Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner.
Felt honored and had a wonderful time.
He is very attractive and attentive.

DEAR DIARY . DAY FOUR
Won $800.00 in the ship's casino.
Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin.
Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne.
He asked me to stay the night but I declined.
Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

DEAR DIARY . DAY FIVE
Pool again today, got sunburned, went inside to drink at piano bar for rest of day.
Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks.
Really is charming.
Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night.
Again I declined.
He told me if I didn't let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship.
I was shocked.

DEAR DIARY . DAY SIX
Saved 1600 lives today - twice.

Near Clear Lake, Manitoba

Пятница, 19 Июня 2009 г. 15:07 + в цитатник
A family that lives on the outskirts of Clear Lake, MB .. in Canada
decided to build a sturdy, colorful playground for their 3 & 4 year old sons.
They lined the bottom with smooth-stone gravel all around to avoid knee scrapes & other injuries.
They finished building it 1 Friday evening & were very pleased with the end product.
The following morning, the mom was about to wake-up the boys
& have them go out to play in their new play center.
This is what she saw from the upstairs window


To jail!

Пятница, 19 Июня 2009 г. 14:42 + в цитатник
Virgina State trooper pulled a car over on I-64 about 2 miles south of the Virginia/ West Virgina State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was
speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Beckley WV to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and
handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy from West Virginia got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, 'You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test.'


Поиск сообщений в angryrat
Страницы: 56 ... 53 52 [51] 50 49 ..
.. 1 Календарь