"The most important thing in life is to find a balance. To do this, we need to develop the ability to get along with different emotions, get courage and accept ourselves as we are, with all our strengths and weaknesses, "says Ilsa Sand, a Danish writer and certified psychotherapist, the author of the bestsellers" Fear of intimacy. How to stop defending and start loving "and" Close to the heart. How to live if you are too sensitive. " We offer you 27 most valuable quotes from these books.

1. Sorrow is the way to heal the wound. However, at the level of the psyche, an innate desire to avoid pain lives in us. Therefore, we build many self-defense strategies that (whether we are aware of this or not) prevent us from approaching the epicenter of pain and thus do not allow us to feel it to the end, to realize it, to unite with it. Different strategies for self-defense overlap. "The top layer" are the strategies that "protect" from the outside world; under them hide anger or irritation.
2. If we want to experience life in its fullness - both in sorrow and in joy - we need to learn to let go. We must be able to say goodbye to people and things that are attached to, taking the new things that lie ahead of us. It is important to find the strength to abandon old behavioral models and develop new strategies. Life is motion.
3. Life is like a pendulum swinging between sorrow and admiration.
4. High standards have a negative impact on self-esteem, because you disappoint yourself more and more often - and you get tired because you have too high demands on yourself.
5. If you take on the role of an ideal, then a really close relationship will not be easy to build, since true intimacy implies complete sincerity in all situations.
6. If we carry in us grief, anguish or pain, which we do not realize, then the concern of others can cause an ambiguous reaction. Care will wake up the "forgotten" pain - that will start to break out and find a way out in the form of sadness.
7. Being yourself means getting rid of self-control and learning how to calmly move in the flow of life.
8. Excessively restraining one's own feelings, we make our life bleak, harming ourselves. And by closing our eyes to any situation that is happening to us, we stop managing it and we lose the opportunity to fully control our own lives.
9. Some people are afraid that if they stop restraining this feeling and allow themselves to experience it in their entirety, they will not restrain themselves and will do everything they are ashamed of. However, in recognition of their desires and fantasies there is nothing dangerous. The more clearly you imagine your desires or feelings, the less risk that you will lose power over yourself and do something wrong or shameful.
10. If you want to truly participate in your own life and feel alive, you need to stop demonstrating your dignity, for example, correctness, intelligence or kindness, which we aspire to present to ourselves and others. It's important to be brave and learn to just exist without trying to be someone. "I am who I am" - this setup is a good starting point, giving us the impetus to explore our own feelings, desires and aspirations, thanks to which, in the end, we get to know ourselves better from the inside.
11. Anyone who has previously experienced a loss, but pretended that it was not, psychologically did not work this loss. In this case, we can say that he is experiencing a situation of suppressed loss. If he refuses to recognize her, the fear of new losses will only increase.
12. It is extremely important to grieve and give time to mourning, but we, modern people, do not attach special importance to this skill.
13. The rapprochement with oneself means rapprochement with all the spiritual suffering that we have experienced, and therefore with love and dislike. If we move away from these feelings experienced by us in childhood or at a later age, then, most likely, we will suppress the ability to notice sympathy from other people.
14. Anger is a powerful feeling, because it forces us to fight. It used to be that you can get rid of anger by giving it a way out. That is, if you are angry, you need a good pound pillow. This erroneous opinion is shared by some psychotherapists, despite the fact that aggressive gestures not only fuel anger, but also strengthen it. It is much more useful to simply tell someone about your experiences or do some exercises that allow you to relax.
15. One way to avoid sincere, love-based relationships is to constantly look at the flying crane in the sky, to which we still can not reach.
16. Only by truly reducing the distance, we get the opportunity to properly discern ourselves and your chosen one. It is this ability that allows us to build close and sincere relations.
17. To feel loved is to feel that you are seen and accepted as you are. The ability to love is, in particular, the ability to see, understand and accept both yourself and your chosen one.
18. In fact, when we show someone our true face, it helps to build relationships.
19. Supersensitive people are more prone to serious conversations. If the conversation touches on superficial topics, you will soon lose interest in it, but try to look interested - and in the end spend a lot of energy.
20. According to Jung, the introvert is a person whose inner world interests much more than the world around him. And the inner world is not limited to his own thoughts and experiences - this concept includes the spiritual life of others. If you are introvert, then conversations about something material and superficial drive you to longing, and empty chatter tires. But you are willing to talk to deeper topics - especially if they are interesting to you.
21. Responsibility is a good quality, but it is not useful in all situations. The main reason that does not allow you to remain indifferent is that other people's experiences greatly affect you and you become nervous.On the other hand, taking responsibility for the whole world is meaningless. Taking on responsibility for something, you thereby deprive someone else of responsibility who would not stop to learn to answer for their own actions.
22. Much depends on what questions you ask yourself. Asking himself: "What's wrong with me? Why did I not achieve much success and do not write about me in the newspapers? "- you are overly focusing on your own shortcomings. If, on the contrary, you are trying to understand: "Due to what I did not descend and did not become homeless?" - then you become stronger in your own strength. Well, if the question is: "What exactly kept me from hanging out?" - immediately those moments and things come to your mind that give you pleasure and inspire hope in you.
23. Psychotherapist Bent Falk, a member of the Union of Psychotherapists of Denmark and candidate of theological sciences, calls the guilt "an existential tax". Imagine that you, for example, grieved your grandmother and, contrary to her insistence, chose a completely different profession. You can, of course, endlessly apologize, justify yourself and demonstrate your own guilt in other ways, but it will be more useful to tell yourself that the remorse (that is, the realization that you disappointed a loved one) is the price you pay to stay true to myself. And, most likely, such fidelity is worth it.
24. At first glance it seems - especially if you do not like to clash - it's easier to close your eyes and pretend that nothing has happened. But this is a bad idea. If you repeatedly fear being dissatisfied, there is a possibility that after a while your relationship will start to seem meaningless to you and not bringing anything but worry.
25. Self-confidence is confidence in what you know and do. Self-esteem is a feeling of inner core and belief in one's own importance. I rarely met people with high self-esteem, but they are not self-confident.Those who have a sense of dignity find in life exactly such tasks that they can solve, so that their faith in their own success is strengthened.
26. Learn to voice your own desires - even in those cases when you know that the interlocutor does not want or is not able to fulfill them. Getting rid of anger and anger, restoring your peace of mind and maintaining a good relationship with your interlocutor is not so difficult - it's enough to understand your own desires and needs from the very beginning, thus recognizing your dependence on other people.
27. Remove the mask, despite the fear that everyone with screams will run away from you, as soon as they find out who you really are ... You are afraid to show yourself in all its glory and be exposed, but risk and check what consequences this entails, just necessary. It may happen that not all friends will scatter, but someone even will become attached to you even more. Get rid of internal limitations, become what you really think yourself, stop satisfying the desires of others - and you will begin to acquire new, more positive impressions, a new life experience.

Important details can be found in the reviews of best-selling books by Ilsa Sand "Fear of intimacy. How to stop defending and start loving " and" Close to the heart. How to live if you are too sensitive a person ", presented in the Library of the Book Kratko.