Kelen все записи автора

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At the examination the professor said: "Does the question embarras you?"
"Not at all, sir," - replied the student, - "Not at all. It is the answer that bothers me."

* * * * *
Professor: "Tell me something you know about John Milton."
Student: "Well, he got married and he wrote 'Paradise Lost'. When his wife died he wrote 'Paradise Returned'".

* * * * *
Professor: "A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer."
Student: "No wonder, Professor, so many of us fail your exam."

* * * * *
Professor: "What an examination is?"
Student: "I think it's a kind of conversation between two clever persons."
Professor: "And what if one of them is not very clever?"
Student: "So in this case the second one gets a poor mark."

* * * * *
Professor: "You missed my class yesterday, didn't you?"
Student: "Not in the least, sir, not in the least!"

* * * * *
Teacher: "What is the difference between an active verb and a passive one?" Student: "An active verb shows action and a passive verb shows passion."

* * * * *

Pam: "Has Harvey really married?"
Sam: "No, and I don't think he intends to, because he's studying for a bachelor's degree."

* * * * *
Student: "I'm indebted to you for everything I know."
Professor: "Oh, don't mention such a mere trifle."

* * * * *
Two men were travelling together in one compartment.Suddenly one of them discovered he had lost his wallet and accused the other one of it.In a pair of minutes the wallet was found in the pocket of the first man and he had to bring his apologies and regrets.
The second man replied warmly:"Never mind! We both made a mistake - you thought I was a thief and I thought you were a gentleman."

* * * * *
"Patience is one of the most important qualities young people should possess," - an old uncle taught his young nephew, - having patience you can do everything, you can get everything you want."
The nephew answered: "Sorry, but I disagree with you. For instance, one cannot carry water from one bucket to another using a sieve."
"Why, my boy? - came a reply, - You should only wait a bit till the water turns into ice."

* * * * *

Thomas Gainsborough once received a letter from a critic he knew quite well.Before that the critic had written an article where he criticized roughly the latest exhibition of the great painter.
The very letter said:"My dear Thomas, I think you read my article about your pictures. I do hope it won't influence our friendly relationship. Yours faithfully ..."
"My dear friend, - answered the painter, - when I see you I shall tweak your dirty nose at once. I do hope it really won't influence our friendly relationship. Yours faithfully - Gainsborough."

* * * * *
In the XIX-th century there was a club of the laziest persons in Manchester. One of the points in the club-law was not to be in a hurry in any situation. Those who broke the rule should pay for the dinner in the restaurant for the whole club.
Once it happened a member of the club - a doctor - had to rush to a seriously ill man riding a horse. The club was informed about it and everybody decided to make the doctor pay a certain fine for the breach.
- "Nothing of the kind, - proved his innocence the doctor, - the fact was that my horse did wanted to gallop and I was too lazy to stop it."
And the accused was admitted not to be guilty.

* * * * *
The story goes that Winston Churchill was once cornered at a party by a stuffy old biddy by the name of Lasy Astor. She was getting on to him about his excessive drinking and had finally said one thing too many.
Churchill, ever the diplomat, looked her in the eye and said:
"Madam, you are perfectly right... I am really drunk... but you are... you are really ugly. And in the morning, I will be sober..."

* * * * *
A well-dressed man, his nose slightly in the air, stepped out of the hotel and snapped at the doorman,-
"You, there! Call me a cab."
"Yes, sir!" fired back the sarcastic doorman. "You are a cab."
Пояснение:Хорошо одетый, самоуверенный господин вышел из отеля и подозвал швейцара."Эй, ты, подь сюда. Вызови мне такси."
"Да, сэр! - язвительно отпарировал швейцар. "Вы - такси."
Фразу Call me a cab на английском можно понимать двояко: Вызови мне такси или же Называй меня такси. Саркастический швейцар подчеркнул второе значение этой фразы с конкретной целью осадить, то есть подколоть, слишком самоуверенного господина, что ему успешно и удалось.


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В арабском языке нет согласного "п". Например, слово "play" араб произнесет как "blay" и т.д.
The joke:
Едет араб по Лондону, подъезжает к парковке и спрашивает полисмена:-"Can I bark here, sir?"

Преподаватель читает лекцию на кафедре английской филологии:
"In different languages there are different ways to express negation. For example, in Russian some negative particles are used for this purpose, in English double negation is impossible. But there is no one language, where negation could be expressed with the double affirmative statement."
Голос с задней парты: "Ну да, конечно!"

Тапком не бить. Анекдоты были в свое время найдены в сети. :)

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