Èñòî÷íèê: http://lingvex.ru/articles/stats/?t=1211538137&p=4
(íåäàâíî íàø¸ë ó Ñ.Ã. Òåð-Ìèíàñîâîé â å¸ êíèãå "ßçûê è ìåæêóëüòóðíàÿ êîììóíèêàöèÿ")
Àâòîð – Äæåéìñ Ôèíí Ãàðäíåð
Ïîñëå àíãëèéñêîãî òåêñòà äà¸òñÿ ïåðåâîä (ïåðåâîä òîæå íå ìîé), åñëè íåîõîòà èëè òðóäíî ÷èòàòü ïî-àíãëèéñêè – ìîæíî ïî-ðóññêè.
Ïî ýòîìó æå àäðåñó (è åù¸ ãäå-íèáóäü, è â êíèãå) ìîæíî ïî÷èòàòü äðóãèå èñòîðèè (ïðî Áåëîñíåæêó, Çîëóøêó è ò. ä.)
 ïðåäèñëîâèè ê äàííîé êíèãå àâòîð îãîâàðèâàåòñÿ, áîÿñü îáâèíåíèé â íàðóøåíèè ïîëèòè÷åñêîé êîððåêòíîñòè (íî è òóò íå óäåðæàâøèñü îò þìîðà):
If, through omission or commission, I have inadvertently displayed any sexist racist culturalist, nationalist regionalist, ageist lookist ableist sizeist, speciesist intellectu-alist, socioeconomicist, ethnocen-trist phallocentrist heteropatriarchi-alist, or other type of bias, as yet unnamed, I apologize and encourage your suggestions for rectification.
Åñëè ïî ïðè÷èíå íåäîñìîòðà ëèáî ïðèñòðàñòèÿ ÿ íåóìûøëåííî ïðîÿâèë êàêèå-òî ñåêñèñòñêèå, ðàñèñòñêèå, êóëüòóðàëèñòñêèå, íàöèîíàëèñòñêèå, ðåãèîíàëèñòñêèå, «ëóêèñòñêèå», ñîöèàëüíî-ýêîíîìèñòñêèå, ýòíîöåíòðèñòñêèå, ôàëëîöåíòðèñòñêèå, ãåòåðîïàòðèàðõàëèñòñêèå âçãëÿöû, à åù¸ êàæäûå èíûå, íå óïîìÿíóòûå ìíîþ ïðåäðàññóäêè, êàñàþùèåñÿ âîçìîæíîñòåé, ðàçìåðîâ, ðîäà, óìñòâåííûõ ñïîñîáíîñòåé, ÿ ïðèíîøó ñâîè èçâèíåíèÿ è ïðèçûâàþ âñåõ ïðåäëàãàòü ìíå ñâîè óòî÷íåíèÿ.
Îòðûâêè èç äàííûõ «ïîëèòè÷åñêè êîððåêòíûõ» ñêàçîê íå íóæäàþòñÿ â êîììåíòàðèÿõ, îíè èëëþñòðèðóþò òåíäåíöèþ ïîñëåäîâàòåëüíîé ïîëèòè÷åñêîé êîððåêòíîñòè, äîâåäåííîé äî àáñóðäà.
The Three Little Pigs
Once there were tnree little pigs who lived together in mutual respect and in harmony with their environment. Using materials which were indigenous to the area, they each built a beautiful house... One day, along came a big, bad wolf with expansionist ideas. He saw the pigs and grew very hungry m both a physical and ideological sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they run into the house of straw. The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting, «Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!»
The pigs shouted back, «Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs defending their homes and culture».
But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was. his manifest destiny. So he huffed and puffed and blew down the house of straw. The frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit. Where the house of straw had stood, other wolves bought iip the land and started a banana plantation.
At the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, «Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!»
The pigs shouted back, «Go to hell, you carnivorous, imperialistic oppressor!»
At this, the wolf chuckled condescendingly.
He thought to himself: «They are so childlike in their ways. It will be a shame to see them go, but progress cannot be stopped».
So the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks. The pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels. Where the house of sticks stood, other wolves built a time-share condo resort complex for vacationing wolves, with each unit a fiberglass reconstruction of the house of sticks, as well as native curio shops, snorkeling, and dolphin shows.
At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, «Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!»
This time in response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote letters of protest to the United Nations.
By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the situation from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and puffed, and huffed and puffed, then grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a massive heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods. The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little dance around the corpse of the wolf. Their next step was to liberate their homeland. They gathered together a band of other pigs who had been forced off their lands. This new brigade of porcinistas attacked the resort complex with machine guns and rocket launchers and slaughtered the cruel wolf-oppressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the hemisphere not to medale in their internal affairs. Then the pigs set up a model socialist democracy with free education, universal health care, and affordable housing for everyone.
Please note: The wolf in this story was a metaphorical construct. No actual wolves were harmed in the writing of the story.
Òðè ïîðîñåíêà
Æèëè-áûëè 3 ïîðîñåíêà, âî âçàèìíîì ïîíèìàíèè è ïîëíîé ãàðìîíèè ñ îêðóæàþùåé ñðåäîé. Èñïîëüçóÿ ïðèðîäíûå ìàòåðèàëû ñâîåãî êðàÿ, ëþáîé èç íèõ ïîñòðîèë ñåáå ïî ÷óäíîìó äîìèêó... Îäíàæäû ê íèì ïðèøåë öèêëîïè÷åñêèé, çëåé âîëê ñ ýêñïàíñèîíèñòñêèìè èäåÿìè. Îí óâèäåë ïîðîñÿò è ðàçîì ïðîãîëîäàëñÿ — è ôèçèîëîãè÷åñêè, è èäåîëîãè÷åñêè. Óâèäåâ âîëêà, ïîðîñÿòà ñïðÿòàëèñü â ñîëîìåííîì äîìèêå. Âîëê ïîäáåæàë ê äîìèêó è ñòàë êîëîòèòü â âîðîòà, êðè÷à: «Ïîðîñÿòà, ïîðîñÿòà, âïóñòèòå ìåíÿ!» Ïîðîñÿòà çàêðè÷àëè â îòâåò: «Òâîÿ èíòåðâåíòñêàÿ òàêòèêà íå íàïóãàåò ïîðîñÿò, çàùèùàþùèõ áëèçêîå æèëüå è ñâîþ êóëüòóðó!» Íà âîëê íå íàìåðåâàëñÿ ëèøèòüñÿ òîãî, ÷òî îí î÷åâèäíî ñ÷èòàë ñâîåé ñóäüáîé. Îí äóë-äóë, ïûõòåë-ïûõòåë è ñäóë ñîëîìåííûé äîì. Íàïóãàííûå ïîðîñÿòà, ïðåñëåäóåìûå âîëêîì ïî ïÿòàì, ïåðåáåæàëè â äîì èç õâîðîñòà. Òî ìåñòîïîëîæåíèå, ãäå ðàíüøå ñòîÿë äîì èç ñîëîìû, âûêóïèëè èíûå âîëêè è îñíîâàëè òàì áàíàíîâóþ ïëàíòàöèþ. Ó äîìèêà èç õâîðîñòà âîëê çàíîâî ñòàë êîëîòèòü â âîðîòà è êðè÷àòü: «Ïîðîñÿòà, ïîðîñÿòà, âïóñòèòå ìåíÿ!»
Ïîðîñÿòà çàêðè÷àëè â îòâåò: «Óáèðàéñÿ ê ÷åðòó, ïëîòîÿäíûé ïðèòåñíèòåëü-èìïåðèàëèñò!»
Âîïê ñíèñõîäèòåëüíî õìûêíóë. Ïðî ñåáÿ îí ïîäóìàë: «Ó íèõ òàêèå äåòñêèå çàìàøêè! Î÷åíü æàëü, ÷òî îíè èñ÷åçíóò, íî ïðîãðåññ íå îñòàíîâèòü».
È âîëê äóë-äóë, ïûõòåë-ïûõòåë è ñäóë äîì èç õâîðîñòà. Ïîðîñÿòà ïîáåæàëè ê äîìèêó èç êèðïè÷åé, à âîëê çà íèìè ïî ïÿòàì. Òàì, ãäå ðàíüøå áûë äîì èç õâîðîñòà, âîëêè ïîñòðîèëè êóðîðòíûé êîìïëåêñ òàéì-øåð äëÿ âîëêîâ-îòïóñêíèêîâ, ãäå ëþáîé áëîê âîñïðîèçâîäèë äîì èç õâîðîñòà, íî íà ñàìîì äåëå áûë èçãîòîâëåí èç ñòåêëîòêàíè, à êðîìå òîãî ìàãàçèí÷èê ìåñòíûõ ðåäêèõ âåùèö, áàññåéí äëÿ ïîäâîäíîãî ïëàâàíüÿ è øîó ñ äåëüôèíàìè.
Ó êèðïè÷íîãî äîìèêà âîëê ñûçíîâà çàêîëîòèë â âîðîòà è çàêðè÷àë: «Ïîðîñÿòà, ïîðîñÿòà, âïóñòèòå ìåíÿ!». Íà òîò ñàìûé ðàç ïîðîñÿòà â îòêëèê çàïåëè ïåñíè ñîëèäàðíîñòè è íàïèñàëè ïðîòåñò â Îðãàíèçàöèþ Îáúåäèíåííûõ Íàöèé. Ê äàííîìó âðåìåíè âîëê óæå ðàçîçëèëñÿ èç-çà îòêàçà ïîðîñÿò áðîñèòü âçãëÿä íà ñèòóàöèþ ñ òî÷êè çðåíèÿ õèùíèêà. È âîò îí åùå ðàç äóë-äóë, ïûõòåë-ïûõòåë è âíåçàïíî ñõâàòèëñÿ çà ãðóäü, óïàë è óìåð îò îáøèðíîãî èíôàðêòà â ðåçóëüòàòå ÷ðåçìåðíîãî ïîòðåáëåíèÿ ïèùè, ñîäåðæàùåé ïîâûøåííîå ÷èñëî æèðîâ.
Òðè ïîðîñåíêà âîçðàäîâàëèñü òîìó, ÷òî ïðàâèëüíîñòü âîñòîðæåñòâîâàëà, è ñïëÿñàëè êðóãîì ìåðòâîãî âîëêà ñâîéñêèé íåáîëüøîé òàíåö. Ñëåäóþùåé èõ öåëüþ áûëî èçáàâèòü ñâîè çåìëè. Îíè ñîáðàëè åäèíûé îòðÿä èç ïîðîñÿò, êîòîðûõ ïðîãíàëè ñ èõ ðîäèíû. Íîâàÿ áðèãàäà ñâèíèñòîâ ñ àâòîìàòàìè è ðàêåòíûìè îðóäèÿìè àòàêîâàëà êóðîðòíûé êîìïëåêñ è óíè÷òîæèëà ïëîõèõ âîëêîâ-ïðèòåñíèòåëåé, äàâàÿ ðàñêóñèòü âñåìó ïîëóøàðèþ, ÷òî íå ñòîèò âëåçàòü â èõ âíóòðåííèå äåëà. Çàòåì ïîðîñÿòà óñòàíîâèëè îáðàçöîâóþ ñîöèàëèñòè÷åñêóþ äåìîêðàòèþ ñ áåñïëàòíûì îáðàçîâàíèåì, âñåîáùèì çäðàâîîõðàíåíèåì è äîñòóïíûé äëÿ êàæäîãî æèëüåì. Çàìåòüòå, ïîæàëóéñòà: âîëê â äàííîé èñòîðèè — ïåðñîíàæ-ìåòàôîðà. Íè åäèíñòâåííûé âîëê íå ïîñòðàäàë ïðè íàïèñàíèè äàííîé ñêàçêè.