The voice echoes in my head. “Meet at the Delta asap!” she says. Confusion swells in my head. “What the FUCK does she want?!” I’m furious at her, but so unbelievably curious as to what will happen. I know why she’s back. Her mom’s mom is bedridden, cancerous. My thoughts turn to my own Father’s mother…now missing a leg, bedridden herself. So I am compelled to see her, simply because of my nature, and maybe just to be sure I made the right choice. Like a cat to a laser pointer I dip out of the house, and hop on the streetcar. A 40 minute ride goes by in seconds. I slowly exit the vehicle and treat carefully toward Delta, like a drug dealer. And then I see her. One word comes to mind. “Fuck”.
She runs up to me like a child to a father. I remember thinking “what a child”. But I smiled all the same, although fake as fuck. She stands in front of me, we lock eyes. Hazel. So fucking hazel are those eyes. Then she hugs me, and laughs dryly. I think “well at least she didn’t grope me…Nastya would have…damn Nastya gropes me a lot”. I literally laugh out loud at that thought, because I realize I secretly enjoy it. Unfortunately she notices this and smiles with a look of pride. “Crap, she’s impressed with herself now” I mutter. “Let’s go, I don’t have much time” I say coldly, and we walk.
The trek is silent and awkward as fuck. She walks in front of me as if leading me. I look at the ground and think “bitch, I know where the fuck I’m going”. Then I slowly look up. “HOLY ASSES BATMAN!” I think as I glance at the back of her pitch black pants. I look back at the ground, and continue to do so until we arrive.
I plop down on her couch, her mother greets me with a warm, squint-eyed smile as usual. Such a sweet lady. Shame she gave birth to my own personal demon. I kick off my shoes and head toward the den, but a tug on my arm turns me. Those hazel eyes pierce my own. “Upstairs, NOW!” they say. Reluctantly I give in, as it would be embarrassing in front of her mom.
We reach her room. Before I even take 3 steps, she slams the door shut. I sigh…here we go man…I find an area on the corner of her queen bed, and have a seat. She joins me, hugging me again, then sliding over to the opposite corner. “Doesn’t smell like weed at least” I think, relieved. We sit in silence for a moment, then she opens up with the standard banter. How is school? How have you been? Blah blah blah. “Get to the money, girl!” I scream in my head. We both know why I’m here. I give lame answers to each query.
She slowly turns her head to me, her head down, then she raises her eyes. Just the way I like. She smirks at me, her smile like fucking daggers. “So how are your niggas?” she asks. I remember how much I loved hearing the word nigga roll effortlessly off of her tongue. “What kind of fucking black man am I” I think, laughing internally. “I don’t chill with them anymore, fell out”. “Shitty” she replies, clearly not caring one way or the other. I decide to start asking my own bullshit questions, but a finger hits my mouth. She’s ready to dance.
The voice echoes in my head. “Meet at the Delta asap!” she says. Confusion swells in my head. “What the FUCK does she want?!” I’m furious at her, but so unbelievably curious as to what will happen. I know why she’s back. Her mom’s mom is bedridden, cancerous. My thoughts turn to my own Father’s mother…now missing a leg, bedridden herself. So I am compelled to see her, simply because of my nature, and maybe just to be sure I made the right choice. Like a cat to a laser pointer I dip out of the house, and hop on the streetcar. A 40 minute ride goes by in seconds. I slowly exit the vehicle and treat carefully toward Delta, like a drug dealer. And then I see her. One word comes to mind. “Fuck”.
She runs up to me like a child to a father. I remember thinking “what a child”. But I smiled all the same, although fake as fuck. She stands in front of me, we lock eyes. Hazel. So fucking hazel are those eyes. Then she hugs me, and laughs dryly. I think “well at least she didn’t grope me…Nastya would have…damn Nastya gropes me a lot”. I literally laugh out loud at that thought, because I realize I secretly enjoy it. Unfortunately she notices this and smiles with a look of pride. “Crap, she’s impressed with herself now” I mutter. “Let’s go, I don’t have much time” I say coldly, and we walk.
The trek is silent and awkward as fuck. She walks in front of me as if leading me. I look at the ground and think “bitch, I know where the fuck I’m going”. Then I slowly look up. “HOLY ASSES BATMAN!” I think as I glance at the back of her pitch black pants. I look back at the ground, and continue to do so until we arrive.
I plop down on her couch, her mother greets me with a warm, squint-eyed smile as usual. Such a sweet lady. Shame she gave birth to my own personal demon. I kick off my shoes and head toward the den, but a tug on my arm turns me. Those hazel eyes pierce my own. “Upstairs, NOW!” they say. Reluctantly I give in, as it would be embarrassing in front of her mom.
We reach her room. Before I even take 3 steps, she slams the door shut. I sigh…here we go man…I find an area on the corner of her queen bed, and have a seat. She joins me, hugging me again, then sliding over to the opposite corner. “Doesn’t smell like weed at least” I think, relieved. We sit in silence for a moment, then she opens up with the standard banter. How is school? How have you been? Blah blah blah. “Get to the money, girl!” I scream in my head. We both know why I’m here. I give lame answers to each query.
She slowly turns her head to me, her head down, then she raises her eyes. Just the way I like. She smirks at me, her smile like fucking daggers. “So how are your niggas?” she asks. I remember how much I loved hearing the word nigga roll effortlessly off of her tongue. “What kind of fucking black man am I” I think, laughing internally. “I don’t chill with them anymore, fell out”. “Shitty” she replies, clearly not caring one way or the other. I decide to start asking my own bullshit questions, but a finger hits my mouth. She’s ready to dance.
Анастасия
wow wow
and then?
Максим
The pistol.
She shoot me with a statement. “I missed you Smiley”. Hahah, my old epithet…AJ Smiles, aka Smiley the Assassin. “Mmm” I say, trying to appear indifferent. I don’t care, but it always feels good to be wanted. “How’s Tony” I reply seconds later. “We broke up since the last time I was here, remember?” She’s right, I just forgot. I’m disappointed with myself, I usually remember everything. Now my curiosity explodes in a slight rage, “Look why did you rush me down here so urgently? I have finals to study for, I just came because your grandma is sick and I thought it was the right thing to do”. She flares her nostrils at me. Now she’s pissed.
The AK-47.
“Adrian, do you ever think about me anymore?”. She slides her shirt sleeve up, pretending to be scratching her arm, and revealing 4 tattoos. “Henry, Ashley, Alisha, Adrian”. I still don’t know if I’m the Adrian on her arm, she knew more than just me, but I feel like I am. “Sometimes I guess” I reply, “But what’s the point of thinking about someone I can’t contact? I don’t have your number, you don’t call me from Halifax so fuck”. I look away from her, getting increasingly mad. Why does this keep happening to me? Are all good people tormented by the past like this? She is a ghost in the shell that is past.
Then she does it. A small gesture, but so nostalgic.
She grabs my earlobe, twisting and twirling it like she used to. I always thought it was the weirdest fucking thing to play with people’s ears, and for a moment I lose myself, smiling at the touch. It mean’s she’s thinking no doubt. She must have noticed my smile however, as she proceeds to cross my line. “Do you still want me?”. “STILL?! Cassie, what do you want from me?” I almost plead. “I’m tired, SO tired of your shit”. She treats me like a possession, and proved she would do anything necessary to keep her ownership. Attempting to crush my relationship with Michelle was my breaking point. But now that I write this I realize my connection to her is like an addiction. I knew she was terrible. But fuck, the attention was orgasmic. Now however, I’ve caught on to her games. I know what she’s doing, she knows that I know, and I know she knows I know. Confusing but whatever. So I decide to now fire back, seeing the rage in her eyes. “Do you fucking love me?! Because you shouldn’t.”
The Heat-Seeker.
Her face softens into an evil calm, and she lets it go. “No, I don’t………you can go now”. That’s it. That’s all she says. I stand up, feeling brain dead. “What the fuck do I say now?” I think. I assumed she loved me still, I was prepared for that argument. But…the fuck? So I proceed out of her room, opening the door. As I go to close it, I turn to her one last time, looking her dead in the eyes. She tries to hide it, but I see the tear as she angles her head. A chill runs up my spine, and her old motto pops into my head. “If you don’t respect me, you will fear me”. I bet she’d kill me if she had the chance. Fucking psychopath. But she knows be better than I like to admit, which is why I leave with the advantage. She knows I fear nothing but God, and any action she takes is inconsequential.
As I walk down the stairs and slide on my shoes, all I can think is “This isn’t over, is it?”. I pray I’m wrong. What a waste of fucking time. Now that I think about it though, maybe she did accomplish her mission. Head games were our forte.
