давно я не писала однако. много чего произошло конечно.

Странные люди, который завидуют твоим 25 годам. Все такие "Где мои 20ть лет?", а ты такой "Ппц, что в них хорошего?".

Я уже давненько живу в Канаде, приехала сюда учится. С начала пошла в частную школу, где просто дурака валяла, думала что самая умная и никто ничему меня не научит. После выпуска (который был со второй попытки) я не знала куда мне деватся. Все знакомые начали уезжать или домой или в страну по ближе к дому, такие как Англия, Испания, Швейцария и Нидерладнды. Одна моя знакомая даже уехала в Хонг Конг, Китай. Вот и я хотела с ними, пока раздумывала попропускала все даты для подач в разные университеты. Вроде бы определилась потом с Италией, по скольку я язык знаю свободно, но не тут то было. Написал мне моя первая любовь типо "Люблю не могу" и пришлось мне приехать обратно в Канаду. С подачами в университеты я уже опоздала, так пришлось подавать заявку в колледж.

Никогда мне не нравилась учеба, но это был реально хороший шанс найти себе знакомых, ходить везде общатся. Как говорится "Выбивать себе место на пьедестале". Первые два года я была активная, я там везде бегала волонтерила, пыталась показаться везде. Но у меня никак не выходило найти себе каких то крепких и интересных мне знакомых или друзей. Я постоянно общалась с людьми изза скуки, и так у меня интерес и пропадал. Я много работала тоже, но постоянства у меня не было никакого. Работы меняла часто, программу в колледже тоже меняла часто. Меня носило везде, где только нужно и не нужно.

Я еле еле выпустилась. Хотелось плюнуть на всю эту учебу и уехать наконец то. Но куда? К маме я не хотела ехать, она у меня все очень любит контролировать, хотя ей кажется что это не так. Моя мама, всегда думала что растит меня в демократичных условиях, но я даже сама не могла себе одежду подобрать, пока не уехала. Вот даже сейчас если я еду домой в гости, то все должно быть, как она скажет.

Я сижу в этом Торонто и просто умираю. Мне не нравится город, не нравятся люди, менталитет. В 2016 году у меня был очень плохой опыт с работой, меня уволили. Уволили за то, что у босихи всегда было дурное настроения и я не знала как с ним справлятся. Я хотела уйти с той работы после первой недели, но как говорится, дала время на освоится. После той работы мне очень тяжело найти что то новое. Какой то круг невезения. Я реально сейчас сижу и просто не знаю чего ждать. А время плывет и плывет.
С парнем то все прекрасно, но мне этого мало.

В мои 25ть лет все видят мою неизбежность, и пинают как хотят. Я реально не знаю почему я еще здесь? Семью я пока не хочу, а в Канаде так вообще не хочу.

Вот какие то такие мысли сидят в голове. И мне бы очень хотелось вернуть обратно мой позитивчик и начать радоватся.

6 Сентября, 2017

What is it when you enter a black line full of dissapointments, unluck and for some people even health problems. This year gor me begin so weird like I dont know whats going on. It started to send me soeme weird people for life experience, I did some very obvious but stupid mistakes and eded up even more in bad conditon. My health getting worse and worse. I was in the hospital for 1 week, and Canadian docotrs, I dont know what are they studying for so long, they couldnt tell me whats going on with me for the whole my hospital stay. Every new three hours I kepr listeing for new results, my conditons. They kept feeding me with antibiotics, sometimes giving me morphine because of amount of pain I had. I enede up sighned up in the hospotal as a appendicities patient. But the pain was coming from my back, they kept takeing my blood for new analysis. At the end it wasnt going anywhere, I think my body got greedy with blood, and actually im very happy about it. Good that as an international student I have an insurance here who will take care of my bill. At the end I just said I want to go home. They gave me antibiotics and thats all. However, all this hospital condition made me realize how great people around me. When my pa got very bad I called my friend and said "hey, something serious is going on, I cant move properly, I dont want to go to the hospital!", he came less then in 5min. We went to the hospital, and her we go. Huge line, who cares that you are in pain? So you have to sit around homeleses, overdruged people, intoxicated with alcohol or mentally sick people. We waited for three hours, I really thought this is my last day of leaving, the pain were increasing so much that I couldnt brief for a bit. Finally they called my name, after all analysis they brought me to ultrasound. My phone was dying and I didnt have charger with me, I had only time to write to my girl friend "Im in st. Micheals" and it died. After ultasound they told me I have appendicities so they registered me as a patient. Lying down, without pillow which they were looking for five hours. I didnt know whats goint to happened, i was super sure thats its not appendicities because the pain was coming out mostly from my back. I was falling a sleep, when my 2 favourite girls came in. They were at the party before, so they came in the hospital with really fancy look. Make uped and dressed up as much as they can. They found me started to take care, brought me charger, blanet, book, pillow and stood with me till the urses started to move me in pre-operation room. I coudltn sleep still, that was scary, I was in the hopsital only when I was born. I was the healthiest person alive. I never knew I will end up like that. Docotors came at the morning and said that they cant operate me because I dont have enough bounces for appendicites. In my head "I know, the pain is from my back". They wanted me to wait to the pressure will go back, so they can do the operation. So stupid. Then came my other friend watched me sleeping, then i woke up he kept me company. No one left me alone for the whole week. I realized how great poeple suround me. They tried to give me all the time they have just to keep me strong. I heard different analysis from doctors at the end it just started to piss me off; my appendix broke, urine infection, woman problems, stomach. I think i was in every room possible:hynecologist, city scan , ultrasound. I left home without final evaluation of my pain, only with pain killers and antibiotics for urine infection. Nothing helped, so I had to take care of myself alone. As soon as my back started to get better, ive got weird allegy reaction, I used to have citrus allegies when I was small, but I thought its gone and just now it has to come back. So i have a great period on pills again. I really don't know whats going on. I met someone special this year on Valentines day, sound so romantic and cool, but this guy drive me super crazy now. And poor him, has to handle my sicknesses non stop. Even my ex got invloved trying his best to help me out. Thats so crazy, Please I want to be healthy and beautiful 2013? Its shocking seriously.

The voice echoes in my head. “Meet at the Delta asap!” she says. Confusion swells in my head. “What the FUCK does she want?!” I’m furious at her, but so unbelievably curious as to what will happen. I know why she’s back. Her mom’s mom is bedridden, cancerous. My thoughts turn to my own Father’s mother…now missing a leg, bedridden herself. So I am compelled to see her, simply because of my nature, and maybe just to be sure I made the right choice. Like a cat to a laser pointer I dip out of the house, and hop on the streetcar. A 40 minute ride goes by in seconds. I slowly exit the vehicle and treat carefully toward Delta, like a drug dealer. And then I see her. One word comes to mind. “Fuck”.

She runs up to me like a child to a father. I remember thinking “what a child”. But I smiled all the same, although fake as fuck. She stands in front of me, we lock eyes. Hazel. So fucking hazel are those eyes. Then she hugs me, and laughs dryly. I think “well at least she didn’t grope me…Nastya would have…damn Nastya gropes me a lot”. I literally laugh out loud at that thought, because I realize I secretly enjoy it. Unfortunately she notices this and smiles with a look of pride. “Crap, she’s impressed with herself now” I mutter. “Let’s go, I don’t have much time” I say coldly, and we walk.
The trek is silent and awkward as fuck. She walks in front of me as if leading me. I look at the ground and think “bitch, I know where the fuck I’m going”. Then I slowly look up. “HOLY ASSES BATMAN!” I think as I glance at the back of her pitch black pants. I look back at the ground, and continue to do so until we arrive.
I plop down on her couch, her mother greets me with a warm, squint-eyed smile as usual. Such a sweet lady. Shame she gave birth to my own personal demon. I kick off my shoes and head toward the den, but a tug on my arm turns me. Those hazel eyes pierce my own. “Upstairs, NOW!” they say. Reluctantly I give in, as it would be embarrassing in front of her mom.
We reach her room. Before I even take 3 steps, she slams the door shut. I sigh…here we go man…I find an area on the corner of her queen bed, and have a seat. She joins me, hugging me again, then sliding over to the opposite corner. “Doesn’t smell like weed at least” I think, relieved. We sit in silence for a moment, then she opens up with the standard banter. How is school? How have you been? Blah blah blah. “Get to the money, girl!” I scream in my head. We both know why I’m here. I give lame answers to each query.
She slowly turns her head to me, her head down, then she raises her eyes. Just the way I like. She smirks at me, her smile like fucking daggers. “So how are your niggas?” she asks. I remember how much I loved hearing the word nigga roll effortlessly off of her tongue. “What kind of fucking black man am I” I think, laughing internally. “I don’t chill with them anymore, fell out”. “Shitty” she replies, clearly not caring one way or the other. I decide to start asking my own bullshit questions, but a finger hits my mouth. She’s ready to dance.
The voice echoes in my head. “Meet at the Delta asap!” she says. Confusion swells in my head. “What the FUCK does she want?!” I’m furious at her, but so unbelievably curious as to what will happen. I know why she’s back. Her mom’s mom is bedridden, cancerous. My thoughts turn to my own Father’s mother…now missing a leg, bedridden herself. So I am compelled to see her, simply because of my nature, and maybe just to be sure I made the right choice. Like a cat to a laser pointer I dip out of the house, and hop on the streetcar. A 40 minute ride goes by in seconds. I slowly exit the vehicle and treat carefully toward Delta, like a drug dealer. And then I see her. One word comes to mind. “Fuck”.

She runs up to me like a child to a father. I remember thinking “what a child”. But I smiled all the same, although fake as fuck. She stands in front of me, we lock eyes. Hazel. So fucking hazel are those eyes. Then she hugs me, and laughs dryly. I think “well at least she didn’t grope me…Nastya would have…damn Nastya gropes me a lot”. I literally laugh out loud at that thought, because I realize I secretly enjoy it. Unfortunately she notices this and smiles with a look of pride. “Crap, she’s impressed with herself now” I mutter. “Let’s go, I don’t have much time” I say coldly, and we walk.
The trek is silent and awkward as fuck. She walks in front of me as if leading me. I look at the ground and think “bitch, I know where the fuck I’m going”. Then I slowly look up. “HOLY ASSES BATMAN!” I think as I glance at the back of her pitch black pants. I look back at the ground, and continue to do so until we arrive.
I plop down on her couch, her mother greets me with a warm, squint-eyed smile as usual. Such a sweet lady. Shame she gave birth to my own personal demon. I kick off my shoes and head toward the den, but a tug on my arm turns me. Those hazel eyes pierce my own. “Upstairs, NOW!” they say. Reluctantly I give in, as it would be embarrassing in front of her mom.
We reach her room. Before I even take 3 steps, she slams the door shut. I sigh…here we go man…I find an area on the corner of her queen bed, and have a seat. She joins me, hugging me again, then sliding over to the opposite corner. “Doesn’t smell like weed at least” I think, relieved. We sit in silence for a moment, then she opens up with the standard banter. How is school? How have you been? Blah blah blah. “Get to the money, girl!” I scream in my head. We both know why I’m here. I give lame answers to each query.
She slowly turns her head to me, her head down, then she raises her eyes. Just the way I like. She smirks at me, her smile like fucking daggers. “So how are your niggas?” she asks. I remember how much I loved hearing the word nigga roll effortlessly off of her tongue. “What kind of fucking black man am I” I think, laughing internally. “I don’t chill with them anymore, fell out”. “Shitty” she replies, clearly not caring one way or the other. I decide to start asking my own bullshit questions, but a finger hits my mouth. She’s ready to dance.
Анастасия
wow wow
and then?
Максим
The pistol.
She shoot me with a statement. “I missed you Smiley”. Hahah, my old epithet…AJ Smiles, aka Smiley the Assassin. “Mmm” I say, trying to appear indifferent. I don’t care, but it always feels good to be wanted. “How’s Tony” I reply seconds later. “We broke up since the last time I was here, remember?” She’s right, I just forgot. I’m disappointed with myself, I usually remember everything. Now my curiosity explodes in a slight rage, “Look why did you rush me down here so urgently? I have finals to study for, I just came because your grandma is sick and I thought it was the right thing to do”. She flares her nostrils at me. Now she’s pissed.
The AK-47.
“Adrian, do you ever think about me anymore?”. She slides her shirt sleeve up, pretending to be scratching her arm, and revealing 4 tattoos. “Henry, Ashley, Alisha, Adrian”. I still don’t know if I’m the Adrian on her arm, she knew more than just me, but I feel like I am. “Sometimes I guess” I reply, “But what’s the point of thinking about someone I can’t contact? I don’t have your number, you don’t call me from Halifax so fuck”. I look away from her, getting increasingly mad. Why does this keep happening to me? Are all good people tormented by the past like this? She is a ghost in the shell that is past.
Then she does it. A small gesture, but so nostalgic.
She grabs my earlobe, twisting and twirling it like she used to. I always thought it was the weirdest fucking thing to play with people’s ears, and for a moment I lose myself, smiling at the touch. It mean’s she’s thinking no doubt. She must have noticed my smile however, as she proceeds to cross my line. “Do you still want me?”. “STILL?! Cassie, what do you want from me?” I almost plead. “I’m tired, SO tired of your shit”. She treats me like a possession, and proved she would do anything necessary to keep her ownership. Attempting to crush my relationship with Michelle was my breaking point. But now that I write this I realize my connection to her is like an addiction. I knew she was terrible. But fuck, the attention was orgasmic. Now however, I’ve caught on to her games. I know what she’s doing, she knows that I know, and I know she knows I know. Confusing but whatever. So I decide to now fire back, seeing the rage in her eyes. “Do you fucking love me?! Because you shouldn’t.”
The Heat-Seeker.
Her face softens into an evil calm, and she lets it go. “No, I don’t………you can go now”. That’s it. That’s all she says. I stand up, feeling brain dead. “What the fuck do I say now?” I think. I assumed she loved me still, I was prepared for that argument. But…the fuck? So I proceed out of her room, opening the door. As I go to close it, I turn to her one last time, looking her dead in the eyes. She tries to hide it, but I see the tear as she angles her head. A chill runs up my spine, and her old motto pops into my head. “If you don’t respect me, you will fear me”. I bet she’d kill me if she had the chance. Fucking psychopath. But she knows be better than I like to admit, which is why I leave with the advantage. She knows I fear nothing but God, and any action she takes is inconsequential.
As I walk down the stairs and slide on my shoes, all I can think is “This isn’t over, is it?”. I pray I’m wrong. What a waste of fucking time. Now that I think about it though, maybe she did accomplish her mission. Head games were our forte.

loving someone is giving them great ability to destroy you. however, doesnt matter how it is painful at the end, you going to have best memories of your life. You will miss them most of your time, trying to find somethig similar. Unfortunately, this great emotional period will stay in your heart forever, and will never repete it self in real life.

that moment looking at person who you love, just thinking "Wish you knew", "I fucking wish you knew". Knowing that it will never be the way you want it, breakng down and seeing him leaving your place, still feelng his kisses and touches. Asking yourself "how did I eded up like that?". Knowing that you can't do anything, like your hands tighted behind your back and the only option escape. I dont know any woman who will be able to run away in the beginning of something super emotional, curiousity will never leave her alone if at the early stage when usually people dont get hurt, will run away.

Looking at his eyes, wishing him, smelling his parfume her head just goes wild, she becomes dizzy drowning in passion and love. Trying to stop herslef from falling into his charms, she tries to stop him. Stop his kisses, stop this moment when no one can resist with such a pain of love in the heart. Realizing that in few hours he will be gone again, shes in doubt of what exactly she want now to happened. He ask "What happened?", she has plenty thoughts of what to answer, but no words coming out from her mouth. Her lips keep trembling, trying to say so many things. The only phrase she was able to say was "Im tired...and you tired". That does not stop him, he keep trying to own her, klling her with his kisses, strong hands and beautiful face. The love beginns, her lips saying totally opposite from what she feel "I cant, stop, please stop". Then it just turns into "Please, dont stop". She feels goose bumbs all over her body, tremble of her legs. Keep drowing in emotions of love and pleasure. She understand that all this unresistable, full of fire emotions.

Loviing someone one way, is hard, sometimes is worse it, sometimes you fall in love in people who just destroying good in you. Its all experience. Love is a great undescribable feeling, where usually people lose themself, some become best they are, some worse dying in jealousy in unability make it great. Everyone have to get hurt in order to become something great in this life position. Love makes you feel like a child, you have your own magic world with a prince/princess. Making love with your THE ONE, is the best you can ever imagine, is like feeling the cocaine rush going through your body with his touches. It does hurt at the end, for some poeple it gives them loss of themself, deprssion, gaining weight, hating everybody, being scared of realtionship. That's the time when you develop your personality, what you can do and what will make you be real human being. There are plenty people who scared to love again, because of the amount of pain they went through. Dont be scared, feeling is one of the most importat think for our living, they motivate, they make you belive in something.

1. Знак Голливуда был создан в 1923 году, но совсем не как обозначение всемирной фабрики грёз. Это была просто реклама новых жилых кварталов Лос-Анджелеса, а надпись была длиннее: HOLLYWOODLAND. Предполагалось, что знак простоит около полутора лет, однако, благодаря бурному развитию киноиндустрии в Голливуде, его решили оставить.

2. Британская актриса Пег Энтуисл, не добившись признания в Голливуде, покончила жизнь самоубийством, спрыгнув с буквы «H» знака Голливуда.

3. Во время Второй Мировой войны статуэтки Оскара изготавливались из гипса.

4. Со временем буквы на вывеске Hollywood стали отпадать. Чтобы восстановить её, в 1978 году основатель журнала «Плэйбой» Хью Хефнер организовал аукцион букв. Этот аукцион проводился в течение трех месяцев. Американский рок-музыкант Эллис Купер проспонсировал восстановление буквы «O», Джин Отри и Пол Уильямс выступили спонсорами восстановления букв «L» и «W».

5. Первая звезда, заложенная на «Аллее Славы» 9 февраля 1960, принадлежит Джоан Вудвард.

6. «Звезды» вручаются за вклад в развитие киноиндустрии (эмблема кинокамеры), звукозаписи (эмблема фонографа), развитие театра (эмблема театральной маски), телевидения (эмблема телевизора) и радио (эмблема радиомикрофона). Всего на «Аллее Славы» около 2600 звезд, и за все время ее существования было украдено всего 4 звезды (Кирк Дуглас, Джеймс Стюарт, Джин Отри и Грегори Пек). Эти звезды вручаются не только людям, но и мультипликационным героям, например, Микки Маусу, и зданиям, и компаниям, и героям, и многим другим. Также есть и пустые звезды.

7. Джин Отри является единственным деятелем искусства, который имеет все пять эмблем на звезде.
8. В ноябре 2001 года в сердце Голливуда был открыт Театр «Кодака» (Kodak Theatre), вмещающий более 3000 зрителей. Этот театр стал первым постоянным местом вручения «Оскара» — премии Американской академии киноискусства.

9. В Голливуде кино показывают везде: и на стендах, и на плакатах, и на больших экранах, и даже на кладбищах. Существует «звездное» кладбище Hollywood Forever Cemetery, на котором нашли свое последние пристанище такие знаменитые деятели кинематографа как Мел Бланк, Сесил Б. Демилль, Багси Сигел и др. С 2002 года в рамках летнего кинофорума «Cinespia» там демонстрируются новые фильмы. Их проецируют на стены мавзолея легенды Голливуда — Рудольфо Валентино.
Эдди Мерфи

10. Термин «Голливудская улыбка» был придуман французским стоматологом Чарльзом Пинкусом в тридцатых годах прошлого века. Для того, чтобы голливудские актеры могли похвастаться на экране ровной ниткой белоснежных зубов, Пинкус придумал технологию, получившую название Hollywood Laminates — керамические накладки, закрепляемые на зубах актера при помощи специального адгезивного порошка, используемого для крепления зубных протезов. Благодаря своей клиентуре, Пинкус получил прозвище «звездный стоматолог» — среди его пациентов были Джуди Гарлэнд, Ширли Темпл, Элизабет Тейлор, Барбара Стенвик, Фред Астер и многие другие.

Обоняние – одно из пяти чувств, играет немалую роль в нашей жизни. Запахи, сильные и едва различимые, приятные и противные, постоянно окружают нас. Но существует ароматы, благодаря которым можно выглядеть моложе, похудеть, повысить эффективность на работе.

1. Если постоять над копировальным аппаратом всего полминутки, то потом можно на 81 год забыть о посещении лесов-полей после дождя! Озона, выделяемого копирами, почти в миллиард раз больше, чем «природного». Только не стоит думать, что это полезно: озон — сильнейший окислитель. Он ускоряет все процессы в человеческом теле. А главный из них, к сожалению, — старение.
2. При помощи апельсина можно, оказывается, очень здорово сэкономить на спиртном! Запах апельсина помогает согреться и создает ощущение раскрепощенности. Правда, пока еще трудно будет объяснить гостям, почему их зовут не на бокальчик бургундского, а на понюшку апельсиновой корки.
3. Женщин, имеющих сильное пристрастие к букетикам лаванды, лучше слегка остерегаться. Это пристрастие говорит не столько о любви дамы к цветам, сколько о ее депрессивном состоянии, с которым не справляется уже ничего, кроме лаванды — сильнейшего антидепрессанта.
4. Девушке, мечтающей похудеть, нужно дарить… фантики от шоколадок! Если после такого подарка получится заставить ее выслушать объяснение, то можно рассказать, что запах шоколада вызывает образование эндорфинов — гормонов радости. А кроме антистрессового воздействия, эндорфины еще обостряют сексуальные желания и оказывают обезболивающее действие.
5. Чай с лимоном лучше всего пить, вопреки требованиям начальства, на своем рабочем месте. А при попытке выдворения на кухню приводить исследования японских ученых о том, что запах лимона на целых 54% снижает количество ошибок при работе за компьютером.
6. Почти любой запах можно использовать в качестве лекарства или… мини-машины времени. Реакция на воздействие запахом развивается мгновенно: не успел моргнуть, а уже в прошлом. Для этого нужно только «привязать» аромат к приятному воспоминанию. А когда человек счастлив, он уже практически здоров (в его организме возрастает выделение эндорфинов, нейромедиаторов и антител, что сильно помогает процессу выздоровления).
7. По одной из легенд, жена Зевса Гера соблазнила мужа при помощи взятого у Афродиты волшебного ароматного пояса. Современные аромаспециалисты полагают, что состав аромата-афродизиака, против которого не устоял главный греческий бог, вполне мог быть таким: иланг-иланг, мускатный орех, розовая ваниль, жасмин и гвоздика.
8. Друг вместо таблетки анальгина подсовывает грейпфрутовое масло? Не нужно спешить лишаться друга! Это масло в ароматерапии широко известно как обезболивающее.
9. Полезные лечебные запахи иногда могут вызвать сильную головную боль и… больше ничего. В случае, если человеку не нравится данный конкретный запах, пользы от него его организм не получит — даже если этот аромат способен вылечить все остальное человечество.
10. Беременной, не знающей, приближается ли уже момент родов или ее настигли так называемые «схватки-предвестники», достаточно натереться жасминовым маслом. Если схватки «тренировочные», от таких манипуляций они пройдут.

Читал ли ты книгу перед сном, гулял всю ночь с девушкой под луной, или смотрел интересный матч по телевизору – не важно. Главное, что ты не выспался и выглядишь утром слегка помятым. Мы подскажем тебе, как вернуть организму около часа из положенного времени отдыха.
УМЫВАЕМСЯ ХОЛОДНОЙ ВОДОЙ

Холодная вода может помочь коже устранить припухлости, возвратить красивый цвет и вернуть циркуляцию крови. Отлично снимут раздражение и красноту очищающие средства на ромашке.
ВДЫХАЕМ МЯТНЫЙ АРОМАТ

Хорошим стимулятором для мозгов станет аромат перечной мяты. Стать бодрее поможет также прохладная вода, близкая к температуре тела, в сочетании с гелем для душа с бодрящими отдушками цитруса или грейпфрукта. Можно посоветовать легкий массаж с применением люфы: это усилит микроциркуляцию кожи и сделает ее гладкой.

СНИМАЕМ ОТЕКИ ПОД ГЛАЗАМИ

Есть старый добрый метод борьбы с отеками под глазами: на 10 минут к векам прикладывают кружочки свежего огурца. После такой процедуры рекомендуется использовать крем для кожи вокруг глаз.

ПРИДАЕМ ЭНЕРГИЮ КОЖЕ ЛИЦА

Выжмите сок половинки апельсина, намочите им салфетку и приложите ее к лицу на минут пять. Вернуть уставшей и тусклой коже сияющий вид поможет витамин С.

НАНОСИМ УВЛАЖНЯЮЩИЙ КРЕМ

Наша усталость всегда отражается на коже. У нее появляются характерные признаки: она шелушится, становится сухой и тусклой, быстро обезвоживается. Плохое состояние кожи можно определить и по тому, как неровно наносится тональный крем. В данном случае можно заменить привычное средство увлажняющим тональником с протеинами и витаминами.

1. Хлопья
Как? Неужели? Ведь многие люди начинают свой день с этого легкого, удобного и быстрого в приготовлении блюда. А если еще они обращают внимание на то, чтобы хлопья не были покрыты сахарной глазурью, то им кажется, что они выбрали самый здоровый завтрак на свете.

Это не так! Большинство популярных сухих завтраков содержат в своем составе сахар, который препятствует снижению веса тела, истощает энергию человеческого организма.
2. Яичница с беконом
Такое блюдо, подаваемое сутра пораньше, в Англии, например, называют «завтраком строителя». Ты что, вчера много и активно пахал? Тебе нужен этот жирный, сальный беспорядок из бекона, сосисок, жареных яиц, с огромным количество калорий? Ты уверен, что сможешь до обеда сжечь в себе 3000 калорий? В общем, такой завтрак полезен только в одном случае – если ты накануне хорошо «перебрал» на шумной пьянке.
3. Сдоба
Мягкие, свежие, ароматные, аппетитно похрустывающие булочки так и просятся на утренний стол. Но будь осторожен! В них содержатся внушительные дозы сахара и жиров. И пусть тебя не вводят в заблуждение различные варианты булочек-мюсли с фруктами – они также богаты веществами, которые увеличивают в организме количество калорий. Если же без булочки никак не можешь, испеки ее сам, дома. В этом случае у тебя будет возможность проконтролировать содержание сахара и жиров.
4. Рогалики и мягкий сыр
Рогалик по сравнению с жарким – чуть ли не идеальное блюдо для завтрака. Правда, они очень часто содержат в составе много сахара и легко усваиваемых углеводов, что в сочетании друг с другом может проводить к выбросам инсулина. Но все очень усугубляется, если намазать рогалик жирным кремообразным сыром. Это все равно что съесть за раз два пончика.

Если же все-таки хочется рогалик, то старайся выбрать такой, который испечен только из пшеницы. И никаких смесей! А вместо мягкого сыра попробуй ореховое масло.
5. Блины
Если тебе скажут, что сегодня кулинария способна предложить «здоровые» варианты этого популярного угощения – не верь. Все блины или родственные им оладьи жарятся в масле. К тому же это блюдо – обязательно смесь муки, яиц, молока и масла. Чрезмерное увлечение этим, что уж там лукавить, вкусным и питательным блюдом влечет за собой целый букет заболеваний. И в любом случае лучше, если блины (оладьи) будут изготовлены дома.

Сколько труда затрачено на борьбу с ненавистным жиром! И вот, казалось бы, счастье привалило - вес уменьшился. Но радость непостоянна, как и сам вес: очень быстро потерянные килограммы возвращаются.

10 причин возвращения лишнего веса


Причина возврата веса №1: Правило гомеостаза

После быстрых диет масса тела растет в силу закона гомеостаза - свойства организма поддерживать неизменными свой химический состав и функции. Другими словами, тело знает, что нормальная его температура - 36,6°. Если она повышается, то включается внутренняя система регуляции, например, увеличивается потоотделение. То же происходит и с жировым запасом. Если килограммы набирались долго, они становятся неотъемлемой частью организма. И стоит махом избавиться от лишнего веса, как тело постарается вернуть его обратно.
ЧТО ДЕЛАТЬ?
Если вы не хотите проверить закон на практике, худейте постепенно, давая организму адаптироваться. В идеале от килограммов надо избавляться такими же темпами, какими они нарастали. Располнели за пять-шесть лет? Скидывайте не более 3-4 кг за месяц.

Причина возврата веса №2: Лень

Мы ищем любую возможность полениться. Во время снижения веса его принципы не меняются. Пока вы ограничиваете себя в калориях, он, вместо того чтобы покрывать недостающую энергию за счет жира, пускает на переработку мышцы. Таким образом, хитроумный организм уничтожает волокна, которые потребляют львиную долю калорий, одновременно успокаивая вас уменьшающимися показателями веса (ведь известно, что мышцы плотнее и тяжелее жира, поэтому их потеря более заметна).
ЧТО ДЕЛАТЬ?
Пройдите обследование и выясните, сколько в вас воды, мышц и жира. Затем раз в два-три месяца проверяйте состав тела, чтобы не допустить уменьшения объема мышц. Подобной возможности нет? Не забывайте о спорте - точнее, о силовых тренировках: они заставят мышечную массу расти. Возможно, поначалу вес вместе с ними и увеличится, зато потом худеть вы станете значительно быстрее. Только не бросайте спорт после ухода килограммов!

Причина возврата веса № 3: Правильный расчет

Избегайте скачков калорийности. Посчитайте, сколько вы съедаете обычно, и от полученных данных отнимите 200-300 ккал - их потерю организм вряд ли заметит.
ЧТО ДЕЛАТЬ?
Если вас преследует чувство голода, вызванное недостатком калорий, не меняйте рацион. Научились насыщаться новыми объемами? Выждите неделю и снова снизьте энергетическую ценность питания или увеличьте интенсивность тренировок.

Причина возврата веса № 4: Плохая цель

Что мотивирует женщин садиться на диеты, заниматься спортом? Конечно, желание получить результат: например, похудеть к празднику. Хотя некоторые снижают вес ради мечты: «Вот стану стройной - и встречу своего единственного». Но вот праздник прошел, мужчина появился. И мотивация, а с ней и желание следить за собой исчезли...
ЧТО ДЕЛАТЬ?
Определите, для чего вам нужно постройнеть. Для здоровья, красоты? Составьте список целей, разместив их по времени реализации: на ближайшую и долгосрочную перспективу. Чем стремлений больше, тем лучше. Достигнув одно, сразу стремитесь к следующему: так настрой на снижение веса не пропадет и похудение не остановиться.

Причина возврата веса №5: Растяжение желудка

Многие девушки уверены: чтобы усмирить чувство голода, хороши любые методы: питье воды перед, во время и после еды, поедание отрубей или разбухающих таблеток. Однако результатом неправильно выбранной стратегии становится увеличение объема желудка. А это значит, что, как только вы перестанете использовать спасительное средство, все усилия пойдут даром.
ЧТО ДЕЛАТЬ?
Принимайте отруби или микрокристаллическую целлюлозу (препараты, которые разбухают в желудке) отдельно от пищи или с небольшим количеством еды. Трудно? Тогда добавляйте их в блюда, чтоб увеличение объема произошло не в организме, а на тарелке.
сегодня в 9:58|Это спам|Ответить

Ангелина Кожемяка
Причина возврата веса № 6: Забытое направление

Выбирайте такую диету, которой сможете придерживаться всю оставшуюся жизнь. Дело в том, что при переходе на низкокалорийный рацион тело начинает извлекать из пищи максимум энергии - и после окончания диеты уже не может остановиться.
ЧТО ДЕЛАТЬ?
Чтобы не превратиться в малоежку, которая, несмотря на все усилия, полнеет (а таких с каждым годом становится все больше), не практикуйте «быстрые» диеты. Найдите комфортную и сбалансированную по микро- и макроэлементам систему питания и старайтесь есть каждые 3-4 часа, но небольшими порциями.

Причина возврата веса № 7: Не верь глазам своим

Когда вес за неделю диеты снижается на 2-3 кг, не спешите радоваться: это уходит вода, ведь в диетических блюдах соли намного меньше. Однако результат этот весьма нестоек: достаточно, к примеру, побаловать себя соленостями, и вес вернется к прежним показателям.
ЧТО ДЕЛАТЬ?
Не обращайте внимания на резкие колебания веса, следите за общей тенденцией: если килограммы постепенно тают и объемы уменьшаются, значит, уходит жир. Вес застрял? Наберитесь терпения: через неделю-другую, если, конечно, вы не бросите спорт и диету, он снова начнет снижаться.

Причина возврата веса № 8: Нелюбовь к себе

Еда, на которой похудела подруга, не дает эффекта? Переели за праздники? И вот вы начинаете корить себя за отсутствие силы воли или злиться на организм. В этот момент, как говорят психологи, включается «внутренний ребенок». Чем сильнее на него раздражаешься, тем больше он делает назло. Ничего удивительного, что в подобной нервной ситуации килограммы растут как на дрожжах.
ЧТО ДЕЛАТЬ?
Загляните в себя: любите ли вы свое тело таким, какое оно есть сейчас? Нет? Придется изменить отношение к себе, иначе килограммы будут возвращаться: организм станет проверять вас на прочность до тех пор, пока вы не начнете относиться к нему с любовью. Когда тело осознает, что все грозящие ему лишения принесут только пользу, оно само перестанет сопротивляться и накапливать жир. К тому же настоящая любовь к себе заставит вас искать лучшие пути для снижения веса.

Причина возврата веса № 9: Характер

У каждого человека свои причины возникновения полноты. Килограммы могли вырасти вследствие проблем в гормональной сфере, заболеваний щитовидной железы или скачков сахара в крови. Не стоит сбрасывать со счетов и психологические особенности: например, даже низкокалорийная система питания не спасет вас от привычки заедать стресс. Во всех этих случаях диеты если и дадут результат, то кратковременный. И эффекта бумеранга -возвращения жира - не избежать.
ЧТО ДЕЛАТЬ?
Думайте лучше. Постарайтесь определить истинную причину набора веса. Если ваши проблемы медицинского характера, диету необходимо составить с врачом. Если психологические - потребуется помощь психотерапевта, который поможет вам разобраться в себе. А если это элементарное обжорство, придется взять себя в ежовые рукавицы. Но, опять же, не садиться на голодную диету.

Причина возврата веса №10: Нежелание перемен

Любая диета, спортивные занятия, да и само изменение веса заставляют отказываться от деликатесов, перестраивать график, менять гардероб. Немногие способны принести подобные жертвы на алтарь стройности. Тяга к прошлому образу жизни возвращает вес более чем половине всех похудевших.
ЧТО ДЕЛАТЬ?
Научитесь наслаждаться теми благами, которые вы получаете вместе с похудением. Не можете резко сменить имидж? Делайте это постепенно! Позволяйте себе иногда маленькие слабости – любимые блюда, - хваля себя за то, что вам так мало надо для счастья.

Time to wander. WTF is going on in his head. Blaming me in weird things which he just created for himself and i've no idea what to say.
Example: With my ex it was enough to say at what time im going out and what I'm gonna do. For this one. Hey, I have a photoshoots at 4pm. His questions. With who?where did u met him?how do u know him?how is his name? O_o I was calm for the beginning just answering all this than i was like omg so many questions. His msg incredibly nice. - Part of being a bf is asking questions if you are not happy so break up. Im was super interested. So i waited for more. - and also when you always say half truth you have to expect expect questions. Where does this coming from?!!! I waited for more. - your not even gonna reply? ok fine you wont get any more questions, ur on ur own now am out. all the best. Shocking eh? I was super interested whats going on? of course I replied saying that i think you just try to find a reason to break up with me? Come on, everyone would see all this like this. I felt for a bit that Im dating an Arab. Shered with my mom all this, we laughed together. She said that I just have to find someone at list same mentality with me. Because this is super weird. I even feel that if my limit is gonna come if done, and its not first time he's telling me if your not happy so break up. Its like he's forcing me to deal with all his pussy movement and just band to his level. Nah. No way Im gonna do this. I know there is few guys who are ready to do everything for me, making me smile all the time. But i guess its women nature to accept from man such treatment. The only think in my head now is start working and working. Good that this wedding company gonna help me out with clients. I never did all this things, but my moms support helped me. She said " don't worry, in Canada everything shit so they gonna love your pictures". Thats funny think but its a fact. During my reading week I have to build up my living room. Ive got plenty ideas of how to do it. I miss my friend but I cant just move back, i want to figure our where I am, and what Im doing. Want to settle down as soon as possible. Thats how it goes for now.

I have so many dreams but i've no idea how to start making them as part of my life. I always do the easiest part and than just wait for miracle to happen. Many people loves me without reason, I never did anything to them. They just do. Other people scared of me. I don't know why also. Of cousre everyone have own opinion about me but I never try to impress anyone to become someone for them. No need. Everyone who comes to our life will bring some little lesson to learn. After a while this person will be gone or maybe not. maybe you found your soulmate or something close to it. I dont really know where to imagine myself. As a human being I can do anything. The problem is I just have to like it and work as harder as I can. I never knew what is it to work hard. Even though I did ballet, which unfortunately didn't teach me anything it just caused me negative effect with which I cant deal by now. I lost self confidence, became more closed and less caring about things which I'm doing. Of course its stupid to blame something or someone but somehow it does influenced me. Im happy that by now I realized all this. When you know your problems you can easily fix them. That what im trying to do now. Fear is one of the biggest reasons to stop you from following your dreams. Its always seem not easy, and you fear to fail, or be embarrassed, and misunderstood. However, thats what life is. You just have to pass through all this to find what is for you. Some people born lucky. From the young age the perfectly know what they want, for others life gives troubles. Sometimes we see problem as a disaster, we think that is the end of the world and nothing can be fixed. But, when we are feeling week and ready to give up, we find the solution. The problem is overthinking. Life is way easier that in seems to be. We accept everything to close to our hearts, crying and blaming ourselves when in reality nothing happened. Even love we accept to close. We expect so much from the person and just forcing ourself to be disappointed. We make life seem so sad and dark that we forget what is it to appreciate everything what life gives us. This modern time just force us to appreciate things more than people. We accept people, make them close to us, and leave like nothing happened. We stopped care about feelings, we got more impressed by things which ruin our health, waste our time and don't teach us anything. Most and more we start to fuction like technologies just following weird rules which forcing us to become slaves.

Sometimes mans are confused where is real love and where is just big sympathy. without knowing this woman are trying to give everything what she has just to create happy relationship. with time she starts to be closer and closer to the guy and one day for her its hard to wake up without him. Attachment which woman get are way stronger than any feelings. One day, guy realize that it was just a big sympathy, strong man will say the truth when weak one start to create fight and stupid reason just to find a reason to break up with you and make you feel guilty. To hear the truth is very painful but its better than after so much blame you are trying to lye down next his feet and just feel guilty and blame yourself for nothing. Sometimes even after hearing that he likes you a lot but doesn't love you, you trying to find a way how to make him love you. This doesn't work, no one can be forced to love someone. Doesn't matter how nice you are, how much you try. Just let it go. I know most of girls will say "no, if you love someone you cant give up on this person!". But, look at yourself from someone else view. It doesn't look like you are woman who have a dignity. It doesn't give you any level. Which is for strong woman is very important. Life is funny sometimes. When you are cold cruel egoist people just love you and trying to be next to you. When the guy tells you the truth: be hurt, cry, have your own time, but don't keep to long in you head. Man are doing well when they are telling you the truth. You have an amazing reason to move on and find someone who going to love you the way you deserve it.

When you alone you are trying to find someone who can help you to stay away from mistakes. Sometimes you even forget about your pride just because of fear that you going to do something wrong in the future. Its a sigh of weakness. I am weak, sometimes I forget that to maintain in this life I have to be on my own. Mistakes is just a lessons which you try to avoid in the future. They are helping you to grow up. When you love someone, you think you can do everything the only weakness is him/her. Sometimes you feel that all your life is based on this person. When someone breaks your heard, the period of pain just shows you who you are and how you can handle your difficulties. Some people are striving in their weaknesses, losing themselves in addictions and thinking that this is the only way to find solution. When others, are trying their best to keep themselves busy, by doing something useful for them. Most of us believe that the time can heal anything. I disagree with this. We all know for everyone the period of healing has a different period, for some faster for some longer. I believe that some people they know that by being weak nothing inside can be fixed. I was trying to heal myself for a year. I was weak. When I used to see him, I wanted him back just because I never wanted to be in pain. I had a guy who loved me, I was with him just to feel save and loved to remove all my inside damage. But all the time when period of loneliness was coming I didn't know where to put myself. Dying in pain and asking myself why I deserve all this. When finally I got a chance to be alone for 3 month I still was trying to be weak. I was always telling stories about him, I made everyone ask about him. He was texting me, I was replying and making look like everything okay. I was forgiving everything. I was stoping myself from new people, keeping my old atmosphere where everyone and everything were reminding me of him. I knew I was hurting people by my selfish attitude. I couldn't let him go just by thinking that without him I cant resist. I was praying every night to make at list one of my days without thinking of him. One day I woke up and realized that I didn't make any movement to move on. I was keeping myself far from any closest movement to try. I didn't give anyone chance to help me. Finally, after all this time I realized that he doesn't deserve all this, that I don't want to suffer for nothing. I decided to stay far from my old circles. I kept myself busy with studies, any possibilities to work, every weekend I tried to have fun and I seceded. Finally it really happened. I woke up at the morning and I even forgot what is it to feel that easy without any hard stones to carry during the day. Everything seemed so bright and nice that I realized how many things I had lost during this time. I could make it way faster than i did. I know that love is very strong feeling but sometimes you don't have a choice just to move on. Every time I was with him I was trying my best to do everything to make him happy, for me was enough to spent my time with him doing nothing. I loved to look at him, to hug him. For me was hard to realize that this hands will never hug me again, that those eyes will never look at me again. This period when you don't feel your chest, when it all burning on fire. When you cant brief, eat sometimes even move, you cant even think about anything its just whole blank. Just stand up, you don't really have another choice other than forcing yourself doing something in order to make all this feeling stay behind your life. Everyone choses own ways to erase pain, but its a huge fight with yourself.

сегодня были дома с раком
и варенье было с маком
Вета кушала из утки
проходила проститутка
бляди были за углом
кот ругался за столом

тут угрюмая скотина
нажралась амфетамина
бляди прыгали на стол
кот уткнулся взглядом в пол!

кости зубы ананасы
были вместе у тараса
тарас конечно не глеб
но тоже молодец

I sarted to believe that everything has its end. He was crazy about me, he was next to me when I was crying for the other guy, he tried to make sure that I'm able to stand and was next to me whenever he thought he must be. Mostly he choosed moment when I was really in need of someone to catch me because the way I was breaking down during that period of time I thought i wont be able to find the strength to keep going. The guy who I loved, Zayne, always considered me as an option, he thought doesn't matter what he will do to me I'll be next to him. Gillian tried, to make me realize that I dont deserve such treatment, that Im hurting myself for nothing. He gave me love, and made me realize lot's of things. He put himslef through lots of pain just to help me out.I was confused, because with Zayne relationship was not bad in the beginning, after I met gillian it got bad. I really liked Gillian, we tried to date and it was amazing. It was easy relationship without any forcing and fake tries. It was innocent and everything seemed that it meant to be. We spent every single day together and we never got sick of each other. However, I always thought that Zayne needs me, that hes breaking badly because I left him for someone else. I didnt move on from him and gave a lot of hopes to Gillian. I was stuck in between, thinking that everything wrong and that I love Zayne. I left Gillian and got back with Zayne. It was boggest mistake I ever done. At the beginning I though I'm happy, that things is going right. I was missing Gillian every single day. Again relationship got bad, without asking Gillian for any help he just came on proper time. Once I was even sitting in the class crying cuz of Zayne, I dont know how but I think Gillian felt that I need someone, I went to the washroom and gillian was waiting for me with open hands for free hug :) i cried like crazy, felt so much in pain. After I broke up with Zayne, I didn't have my time on my own again. Zayne started to date my friends because he though I'm back with Gillian. I felt forced and pressed to be with Gillian. I was angry at myself that always when I'm falling he knows that I need someone and he volunteered himself. I was shy to be with him, everyone called him weird or something. But he was the only one who knew how to make me happy, after everyday we spent together my eyes was shining. I did a mistake by allow him to be that close, and again promised him lots of things. But I knew somewhere deep inside I loved him. More than enyone, I was to egoistic to accept his love, and was always pushing him away. I promised that after summer I will tell him my answer. When I came back I said kinda yes. It started amazing. I never knew how all this can truth. When my friend came to see me, things changed. We disscussed lots of things about him, and mostly seemed truth. I realized that I need freedom again, and I left him with the worst worlds ever, "I never fucking loved you, you made me feel that I'm Unable and got ur payment with having sex with me". I was busy all the time, my appetite was gone and I thought my life just amazing having my friend around, doing whatever you want. Doesnt matter how many times, he tried to text me I just ignored everything. It's like with all his love which he was giving me he just got a big spit in his face. Passed two month and I realized that my life got so fucked up, wasting money, parties, drinking, going to see my ex. I knew that I did a mistake from the day I said this words to him. I was getting bad feeling, depressions more and more. And when I realized I need him, and he was best I ever had he's gone. After I met him, and I saw how he changed and how much hes happy without me, my sould just crushed. When I knew for sure that right now I would be doing anything just to make him give me chance he's love gone. Because of my decision and happy lifestyle which I chosed with my friend I lost a truch and everything what I had. After 2nd meeting I got hope that maybe there is somewhere that big love for me, when he huged me he kissed my cheek 10000 times, and said i dont know if its okay, and kept hugging me. Than I left and received a massage " was nice to see you, but the most I can give u its just friendship". BUM! inside explosion, pain, my head kept asking so many questions whole night. 3d meeting was with purpose to give him candies from Ukraine. We met, went to the restaurant, than cinema and than i started to play around with teases and all. We wanted each other this is I knew. He said "Okay, wait, maybe let's kiss first and we'll see how it feels after?" We kissed and he said: "well, u kissed always well, but its not the same as it was before". I almost cried, we went to see in the park, he said "After what you said, something cnaged inside me, Im not carpet, but I still like you and care about you, thats sad that your feelings came to late". thank he continued as" but who knows, maybe it will be back one day, life is unexpected". I know what is love and it will never come back, doesnt matter how person what it, you cant force yourslef to love someone, if it's gone it's gone forever. I love that hes honest with me, that he didnt start to revange, use me or something. After this talk we went to his place, I don't really know how it got started, but we had sex, and for me it was best I think I ever had with him. Before I used to think about my ex, or something else. But this time I was hoping so bad, that things gonna change after it. When we finished it he was lying down on me for maybe more than half an hour, good that the light was off because I was crying realizeing that everything lost. We went shower together, probably it was just a my imagination but I saw that for a secong he had that look which he had when he loved me. We went to the kitchen started to drink water and he jumped at me again, we started to kiss and he brought me to the badroom again, and we did it 2nd time. That time was best ever in my life, i told him "at list we didnt lose this passion". I was happy after so long. We went to sleep, and my sleep was bad, but before when I was spending night at his place i slept like baby. He also didnt sleep well, so when we woke up we were tired together. I forced him to shave, somehow he did it. He said "lets be lazy and just watch movies" I agreed, but I decided to call my friend on skype. Spent there 1 hour. But when I was login off his skype he had one girl, who caused me a lot of problem before, shes very pretty and with hot body and I didnt know why he has her in her skype list. I got mad, and I asked him why?, he said " she just added me we never talked, and come on why you jealous I saw her just once". Started to be weird. And he said "lets take a break, its getting heavy". Well I left. And when I reached home he appologized and also asked me, " - do you think i'm an asshole for what we did last night? i said "yes, if there was no feelings" he said, "now I feel bad". Was painful, and it is. Pitty that hes love gone, we could be amazing couple and work it out. Faith cruel and I guess I'm the one who are paying for everything and everyone. Today he said "I still wanna be just friends, we can be friends but it wont be as close as when we were couple. Its very tricky for exs to be friends. Most of time someone ends up hurt". I lost amazing person and hes next girl gonna be luckiest. I dont really have choice right now. I already made it 2 month ago and here is my result. Ended up alone, with no love and care. Im happy just about one thing. That he still care about me. I wish he would still love me, i felt save and complete when I was with him.
Thank you for everything, he was best i ever had for this time.

А что, если мы признаем неудачу отношений, но останемся вместе?Ну, да, мы с тобой часто ссоримся, редко занимаемся любовью, но друг без друга жить не можем.У нас пройдёт так вся жизнь — тяжело, но хоть не в одиночестве. 
Терпеть — страшно, но уйти еще страшнее.

Its incedible how life can be unexpected. That what makes it be always interesting.
Day started with feeling that something nice is going to happened. I went to give USD back to my friend, than shopping in Vicotria Secret, bought everything there: lingerie, bra and pijama. Its incredibly soft. Came home ate half of sweets which my mother brought me from Ukraine. Watched amazing movie called the Adjustment Buroeau. Anyways, my friend Hadi called me and said that hes going to Birthday party at Tryst club. The Birthday of someone who I know but i saw him just once and didnt really paied attention. Hes name Sidney ( I call him Barbie). I didnt want to stay home, exams are finished and mood is amazing so I was just ready for something to good to happened. My classmate has a very cute cousin, his name Fabian. I was talking with him on facebook, than we just got bored to talk in internet and decided to switch on cell phone. Because of exams we barely talked, however, today I decided to text him. I asked him if hes having fun? he said of course in Tryst club! I thought his jocking! We are at the same club, with no plan to meet each other. I just love unexpectancy. We met. I texted his cousin, saying that i met Fabian. She was shoked. We started to dance. MAN! amazing body! I left my friends and just dissapeared with Fabian, we were not even talking just dancing. Even if the music was fast we were just dancing whatever, staying vety close. I am happy. I dont even know why. The problem I liked the birthday boy also. This Sidney is like black Brad Pitt. Both of them Hadi and Sidney didnt want to leave me with Fabian, and at the end Hadi got jealous. That's even funny. Everything was just so great tonight. Even the party atmosphere made me happy. Was full of Playboy gilr models, handsome guys.
This meeting was very cute. No plan, just simple coinsidence. He smells great.

Pain is an incredible think. You feel how your chest burning, your heart beat gets crazy, you shaking. You can't eat, sleep, even brief. Your body gets paralyzed and weak and you feel like someone just beat you up and you barely brief. The wave of pain gives you rest for a bit and than comes back. The feeling that you unable and nothing and no one can help you keep burning inside. By trying to make yourself busy you give yourself a little rest from inside firework. Time is the only thing which can fix you.

Whole my life I used to believe in 3 chances. Right now i realize that not jut me follow them. Doesn't matter how i try, my truth, my explanations. Nothing working. I hearted him 3 times and now my turn to be destroyed for things which I have done. He'll never forgive me. And my second try to solve things out and get him back keep burning in front of my face. I know now I would never leave him. I was stupid by believing people, keeping myself in my past. Tomorrow gonna be my 3d chance and after this I'm gonna be gone suffering and knowing that I lost one of the bet guy I ever had in this life. He can't trust me again and i guess his love is gone. Gone for real. From everything for him to nothing. Life is unfair that you realize things very late. But it's good that you learn. Everything has a reason I guess. He's right it's not meant to be. I love him now just for own suffering. It's like my karma for his pain. Well, I moved on once I'll move on again. Being friends with him gonna be at list something. At list I'm gonna get an opportunity to spend time with him. Accept your failure is the worst what you can do. But I don't have choice. The low of 3 times exist for everyone I guess.

Summer 2010. Because of my stupid and lazy behavior at school I had to take a summer semester. Where I registered for the English and Music to save my life from getting bad average. My English class become the best think ever happened to me. I was sitting and reading some handout, when in the class entered a bit chubby, with short curly hair boy. I got interested so fast. I looked at my engagement ring and kept saying. Hey, you engaged! Where you looking? So I just tried my best to concentrate in class. The teacher asked us to represent ourselves in front of the class. When the turn came to this guy, hid accent was hot! He's name is Gillian and he from Mauritius. Well, they speak french. I love this language. The teacher saw my face and said so speak French yh? Girls love French accent and looked at me and clicked with her eye. I got so red! I just turned fast in different direction and tried my best to never turn again. For a first week i was sitting far from him, hoping that he'll pay attention. However, what i wanted didn't happen. So, I just moved one guy who used to sit next to him without asking any permission. Even sitting next to him was incredibly comfortable. I used to put my stuff in 2 desks, mine and his. He never told me anything. I always wanted to be closer with him, so my charming attitude was 100% on during every class. I broke up with fiancee and it felt super right. Everyday I was asking Gillian what he's doing after class and he never gave me chance. I thought okay, I'm gonna show you how to don't care about me. I flirted with one arab guy and started to tell him, how amazing that gut is. He obviously didn't like friends treatment and the next day we had a walk. This walk became an amazing beginning for us. I said i don't want to take a bus and we should have a walk. While we were walking, we were playing around, we went to some bush and were putting water on each other. When he fall on me, he said leave a bottle or I'm gonna kiss u! I laughed and didn't leave a bottle but made a face like I'm eating lemon. He repeated same things and I lifted bottle. When we started to walk again, we were whole wet and full of grass. We came to mcdonalds to get a milkshakes. Te cashier looked at us like we are not normal perverts, or crazy rabbits. She was saying oh guys, my favorite milkshake is chocolate one.
I was so embarrassed to look like that but I was incredibly happy. We continued our walk, and he asked me what would you do if i kissed you. I said you r to pussy to do that. He was so shocked by this answer. He said are u sure? I laughed and kept walking. I wanted him to kiss me, but I wanted to make it unexpected and beautiful. We came to my residence where I changed and we decided to walk him home. We talked about everything. When we reached he's residence I said okay, bye pussy! I turned and started to count till 5. I heard he's running and saying oh yeah?! He turned me and kissed me. I got sooo shy. I was holding a tree, and felt like I'm 5. I couldn't leave him. It was amazing.

Hurts. Hurts like hell. When we were together I didn't appreciate it. I was with him because it was easy and always fun. I thought to be in relationship with someone who you dont love is an amazing think. However, I got trapped on my own. I did always what I wanted but I felt bad that he hurt inside because I can't give him same feelings which deeply inside I had. I didn't know that he's love is so weak for me, that it won't take him long to throw me from him head. I thought I have someone, and I'm not alone. And of course, when you realize you did a mistake it's to late to fix anything. Well im happy for him, to see his smile and cold attitude towards me was unusual, but I got what I wanted. I didn't know when I'll see all this I'll be suffering in pain. I got so many thoughts about him, dreams, memories. Why now? When first of all everyone left me! When I'm all alone. No one can come and tell you everything is gonna be okay. U just keep falling and falling. I wanted him to be happy and he is. But I never knew that everything what I was for him was 0. I'm easy to let go means I never meant a lot. Probably my karma came, again love someone who doesn't love u back.

November 26,2011. Simple add in vkontakte by Russian guy whose name Alexander. I'm just tired to feel like no one need me so I decided to go for the date. This guy by conversations seem like a smart guy. Anyways. We met at union station with a plan to go to the gallery. I lied to him that it's my favorite think ever, also that my mother is Brazilian. Well, maybe there is somewhere in me Brazilian. He's simple Russian look guy, came with iPad as his bag. When we went to the gallery it was closed, so we decided to go to the cinema to see Merlin Monroe movie. He was even sitting like girl putting his leg on top of other. Well cute guy, bough me Starbucks coffe. Was complimenting me all the time. A bit gay but was funny. I love talking and he gave me all attention to do so. Funny day. Zayne called me, he keep thinking that with me he can do whatever he want. He's so mistaken. Gillian keeps ignoring me. This is the only part which is said now. Because I really do love him. But I'm gone keep distracting myself with other things cuz I guess he moved on and don't need me anymore. I wish I would have a second chance. This time my head is so clean. Well, about date. The guy, is a bit gay, a bit trying to much I'm simpler than he think. However, with him easy, but it doesn't really matter cuz I'm not gonna date anyone for now and I don't like him that much. Going home now. Mood Is fine, but missing someone badly. Good night world.

Был очень интересный день. Я записалась на волунтерство для аукционной вечеринки. Почему бы не попробовать? С самого утра мы расставляли и украшали два огромных зала. Преобразили классно. Перед началом самой вечеринки все работники поехали переодеваться. Я одела свое Анжелина Джоли платье, которое пошито с журнала. Видно не зря я его одела. Позвав свою любимую подругу на пати мы начали расхаживать искать себе мажоров. Подошел ко мне владелец банка. Флирт ща флиртом, дала свой номер меня поцеловали в щеку и я поняла надо бежать. Юлин флирт остановился на дизайнере. Атмосфера мне очень понравилась. Люди, которые хоть что то добились в жизни это очень уважительно. Я бы хотела в таком возрасте как они быть на таком уровне.