В колонках играет - Irina Dubcova.- ''Beda.''
Настроение сейчас - ... was I ever NOT allright? =]

sometimes it scares me. When you beg & apologize, get nothing in return, when you stop caring- you get cared for. Sometimes I feel that stops me from being who I really am, loving & caring, because when I close my eyes on many things & apologize, I get ignored, or worse. & when I'm a bitch, I get everything I want. We've has SO MANY arguments that it's impossible to fix everything. It's not that I'm against him going drinking with his friends, I know it's obvious he will never cheat on me, no matter what, but just the fact that he would rather go spend time with them than me, or all of us together. I think I agree that when two people are in a relationship, clubs & lounges, & all of that are not needed, unless they go together, but you can't deny the same goes for going drinking with your friends, or whoever. I want to be appreciated to, everywhere. =[ He doesn't get it, he says that I'm nice to him, he'll return the same feelings even more, but every time I try everything becomes even worse. =/ I'm not a trusting girl, I can't be nice first becomes I'm afraid of getting hurt, & the circle never ends...all I'm saying is that if maybe he stood up to his friends who are probably saying I'm keeping him on a leash (I'm not) & said that I won't go anywhere without her, I would make sacrifices & not go out to clubs or lounges, or anywhere with my friends until he's ready to go with me. I'm afraid to do ANYTHING nice first because EVERY SINGLE TIME, like this time, when I came & apologize & begged, I didn't get him back, I didn't get anything. I just hope he'll make the first move first, he'll do something for me, AGAIN, & I'll do it back. There's no other way.
This lady from Bez Komplekosov got divorced three times, all because all three of her husbands liked to go out ONCE IN A WHILE to go drink with their friends. I see her point, why should she have to stay home alone, & worry, fortunately, they all came running back to her. It's called respect. I'm like that, if something hurts, I'll leave I won't stand like an idiot waiting for God knows what. Leaving hurts too, probably more, but I'd rather leave respected, than stay & look stupid.

Anyway, that's not even the main reason for out ''split'', I love him, & I know I'll always be there for him, even if he decides not to be here for me.
& I'm pretty much satisfied with today. Especially Oleg leaving, & him being slow enough not to notice both of us being in the house. Or we're just skilled, especially me, ya know when you've have a lot of practice ;) lol.