Top Ten Questions George W. Bush Asked His Homeland Security Nominee
10. "Do you have previous experience securing homelands"?
9. "How will you make the terror alert system more cumbersome and ineffective?"
8. "Do you generally get along well with people named Condoleezza?"
7. "Tell me again--who the hell are you"?
6. "If I have a beer during our Cabinet meetings, will you tell Laura?"
5. "Be honest-would you really spend any time keeping Delaware safe?"
4. "You're not a member of Al-Qaeda, are you?"
3. "May I refer to you as my 'Secretary Homey'?"
2. "Are you comfortable coordinating information among the CIA the FBI, and KFC?"
1. "Is there any chance of you going 'McGreevey' on us?"

Top Ten Signs You're In A Bad Relationship
10. You call her "sweetie" she calls you "that guy whose food I'm poisoning."
9. You share the same prison cell.
8. I'm sleeping with your wife.
7. Your husband comes home with a new dress for you and another one for himself.
6. You sleep in separate beds, in separate rooms, in separate houses, in separate states.
5. He has spent the last three-and-a-half years fleeing from cave to cave.
4. She watches "Desperate Housewives" for ideas on how to cheat.
3. Your spouse is late for your anniversary because "the gay bar didn't have a clock."
2. Her response to your marriage proposal: "I guess."
1. You married Star Jones