В колонках играет - Enough Cryin- Mary J. Blidge
Настроение сейчас - woohoo!!!

omg!! the weekend i was sooo frightened of ws actually gd!! lunch with his parents ws soo much fun and luckily Alex didnt turn up but even if he did.... i dont like him anymore.... im serious this time!! i just dont care. the only thing that is left for me to do is to give him that note. im doing it 2moz and then we r over and done with for ever and ever!!!

ohh!!! i have a new crush as well!! his name s Ed and he has the funniest surname but its not the point lolhe s just so adorable!!!! nd quiet fit too!! well...we'll c how it goes nd maybe he likes me too...then its my new bf!!!!!

В колонках играет - Our lives- The Calling
Настроение сейчас - shit...totally,completely

I cant believe this....it was the first time this year when i bursted into tears cos of my tennis...i know it sounds reli stupid but its' one of the most important things in my life and it's not working at the moment...for 2 weeks now i cant play...this is incredible...i cant focus either...its not even about Alex anymore. I simply cant. I wanted to make it to the nationals here but how can i? Damian said i could but im too bad...

i had a fall-out with my coach..he just turned away from me. it was my fault, i know it and i want to say "sorry" but i just cant go back there now. Mascara is all over my face and tears are running down my cheeks. I cant do this anymore. I wanna give up and stop playing forever but i cant cos soon i will be dying to play again...i have to 2morrow, in fact...this is driving me crazy...my coach says it's fine and im the best at school but it doesnt matter cos this is not what im after. i mean,did you see those 6th form girls i have to play with in the summer? they are shockingly bad and Damian says i cant play for the boys if i wont make it to the firsts. but how can i?

В колонках играет - Always there- Kate Alexa
Настроение сейчас - i want him back or gone forever...

eventhough, i try to forget the things we had....i try to forget your dear face...but i guess im tryin just too hard...im trying to start a new life but it's just not going right without you..maybe some day i will see you again and tell you how much i have missed you..maybe, some day it will all be the same again...you will hold me tight and say how much you need me....oh,God where's the song in my heart? every day used to start with a smile for me cos you gave a purpose to live, u made it all matter to me...but we've gone off the track. Maybe we just made a mistake? i dont know what to do anymore... where is the strength for me to carry on? i know that time will heal a little every day.. but im missing you more every day...where are you in my life?

В колонках играет - Keisha White- Love is the deepest hurt
Настроение сейчас - relieved but feel like missing out on something...

There was a time when i adored u...but i was too blind to see how u treated me..that it wasnt real it was only me...giving in to every word that you said...im loving u but my heart cant pretend when your feeling just weren't there...So when you want to go,i wont follow u...guess im not the one to make ur dreams come true...there wa a life we had before and there was a place in ur heart that i could come back to but it belongs to somebody else now...i will let u go cos i cant feel no more for u... if i could turn back time i would find the way to avoid ur love that is the deepest hurt...

M	Magical
A	Amazing
R	Rich
I	Innocent
A	Altruistic

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В колонках играет - Long way to happy-P!NK
Настроение сейчас - miserable and depressed

and we broke up now...i feel devastated and flattered....he broke my heart but i still love him with every broken piece...but he cheated on me and i didnt have a choice cos i cant trust him any more...why? and sleeping with him was sucha mistake...or maybe it wasnt? it felt like he wa the one to do it with.. and now we are friends but i find it really hard cos i just feel so attracted to him...i still have butterflies in my stomach when he calls me or when i call him...and his smell still drives me crazy...i gave him this lacoste perfume and he still wears it...the other day i was in the tennis centre and i wanted to sit down so i lifted up a gree jumper that was on the chair-it was his..it smelled of him...and i just sat there sniffing his jumper and remebering all the times we spent together...its been 4 months-the longest relationship in my life and it was the best to have happened to me...

i slept with him...wats next?

В колонках играет - thinking over
Настроение сейчас - reli good

actually its not so bad nw...i got back from ccf field week(it ws hell but not the point lol) i reli love him and he seems to feel the same way although i dunno wats gonna happen wen i come around to his house...he wants to sleep wit me nd so do i but there is a bit of a weird feeling that makes me think i shudnt b doing this wit him...but i trust him,i n that he is doing that not for the sake of fucking sum1 but cos he wants it wit me...
oh,i tried to buy this morning after pill but the farmacist wont sell it to me cos im 15...how stupid?!!!!!! but well...we r usin a condom anyway so it shud be ok nd pretty much safe....

В колонках играет - my friend Loiuse singing
Настроение сейчас - weird one

wen u r in love everythin is ment 2 b perfect....but somehow its not for me...im goin 2 his house for a couple of days nd everythin seems to be reli gd but i no for sure that he doesnt love me anymore....the things that he said to me...im thinkin it over and over again...mayb i shud get a move on nw? mayb its time 2 let go? but i cant...i had 2 wait for him for sooo long and wen i eventually got wat i wanted it doesnt feel as i thought it will....
although everytime he touches me i tremble and wen he kisses me i jus feel like im in heaven....he makes me weak in my knees and wen he s around his presence gives me butterflies...wat shud i do?? is there anythin i shud do?

В колонках играет - Kelly Clarkson- Addicted
Настроение сейчас - crap.....

wat do u normally do wen u r feelin down? the rain is falling and the tears are rolling down my eyes...he doesnt love me anymore. but i still do...i cant let go off him...although,we didnt yet break up....how ca i get him back to me?? i dont want to be here without him.... i really dont but is there any other way???
I also cant quiete figure out what is going on within myself. i dont yet know what i want for myself. it may be a relationship which i'd love to have with Alex but it also may be a 1 nite stand-something wat Alex i suppose wants himself....
why,why,why?

Настроение сейчас - SHIT mood

umm...well,firstly im writtin in english cos i cant b bothered with the whole translit thingy...i am so bloody lost inside myself..i dunno wat i want and.....who i want......any1 wants 2 help??????????

chto-to vse tak ploho...i horosho odnovremenno...o4 hocetsya domoy..i ne hochetsya odnovremenno...vooobshem,vesma somnitelnoe nastroenie..
interesno,a pochemu ya nichego ne pishu v svoem dnevnike..len navernoe....landno,vsehh lublu o4,o4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:biglol:

лень долго писать.. обойдусь парой слов: вот,приехала в Москву из лондона после 2ух месячного перерыва!! рада ужасно,но вы скоро лететь назад(((