I cleaned and washed and vacumed.
Finally done.
Fortunately, there is no homework this time.
No breakfast today. I don't feel like eating.
Feel sick.
My theory - you get sick when you feel horrible inside. Or you have personal reasons.
I think I do.
I remember my mom used to say that little kids get sick sometimes because they need attention.
I feel like a little kid right now. I need attention. I do!
I'm slowly falling apart for a few days now. Hopefully it won't get worse.

I just wanna lie on the bed and somebody to care about me. Bring me a blanket, some tea maybe and give me a hug. I don't wish for more then that.

PS I just dream too much I guess.......

Woke up in the dark room. I can see clouds through the tiny window.
Yesterday before going to sleep till 2 in the morning I was making plans and knew what I was gonna do tomorrow. And here is tomorow. I'm not sure my plans were right, but I'm gonna do it anyways...
Gotta do my chores - cleaning and vacuming.
Tryin to think about something positive, happy and nice. Yesterday sucked. OK well, only the evening did.
Wannna recover from all these feelings I felt yesterday.
That what happens when you spend he evening with people you don'y like.


PS sometimes I feel like my life is a corridor and I have to go straight, I'm not able to turn and go where I want.

Sitting here.
Uploading new pictures from the baseball game to my photoalbum.
They are so "full of sunshine".
If you could only new how much I hate my life right now.
I can't even cry. Just can't.
I'm suffocating.

Today was a cool day! Feel so tired right now.
I had M over my house and then we went to get ice-cream. I had a large ice-cream. It was the biggest ice-cream I've ever seen! Seriously!!!!!! It was huge... As long as my hand almost I think. I was eating it thought it was melting it was so much fun and by the end I got so into it. OMG!
Then we went to his house and I wasn't supposed to be there. Because it was just me and him there. And you know what happens when parents are not home.
So we were.. say.. busy and I looked at the clock it was 7:20! And we were gonna go to the party at 7. so I called some people and figured out where was the party.
There were a lot of people. I finally got to talk to my friend Rachel there. She's such a nice girl. I like her.
She was saying that I have so many friends and everyone loves me and that I have Marcel and tennnis going... She doesn't have that many friends. I feel a little bad for her. She has a beautiful old house and a barn with 2 horses. She loves horses and reading.
I invited her over sometime.
Oh, wow! She was the one who told me that I should try out for tennis team.
Sometimes it doen't seem like I have a lot of friends but I don't think like this often. Espessially recently. I have too much going on right now to sit down and be upset about what I don't think I have.

Today I don't have school. It feels great to sleep in till 11..
These days are full of different stuff, busy... The 18 i'm going to New York. I think I should be excited, but for some reason I'm not, not really. As well, prom is coming. Right now I'm not really excited about it eather. It's the 26. This month!
Yesterday was M and mine half year anniversary. We didn't do anything because I had to go to the tennis match to Norht Stafford High School. We won! again. We would be undefeated but we only lost once. =)
I fell yesterday. Hurt my leg and almost broke my wrist. Now I can't even lift a glass of water. It hurts to type now too =(
I tripped on the tennis ball before the match during practice.
We have tennis games about 3 times a week, come home late...
Last time M cace to my game. He was there the whole time. He's so amazing! He was there for all 4 hours.

I love these days coz of him by my side.
I love these days coz of someone who understands and appreciates me.
I'm in love.
Sometimes I just want to stand next to him and not move. At all. I think I could stay like this forever.
I wish I could.
I don't use the word FOREVER.
There is no thing like FOREVER.
Everything has an end - love, life, pain, happiness. Everything has an end.
The only thing that I think is forever is the friendship. Friendship with 2 my very best friends.
But they are less friends now. They are more like family.
It's hard to live without a family, it's hard to live without friends.
But it's not permanent!
It's not forever.

Heeeey!!!!
What day!
My tennis game got cancelled because of the rain.
I hate rain.
Oficcialy.
I haven't written anything for 4 days! Wow!
I guess I was just too busy.
Because my school started again.
It's almost time to go home.
It's a weird feeling when I think I'm gonna see my parents, sister and best friends in less than 3 months.
I'm sad and happy.
Sad because here I have a lot of experience, good times and memorries.
And I don't know if i'll be ever back.
Sad because I'll have to say goodbye.
Say goodbye to everything here.
People, places, things, lifestyle...
It's hard to explain.
Write poetry. I do.. again.

Welcome _Skaidy_ !!!!!!!!!!

Today I made a cake.
I thought that would be nice of me to make something for my host family.
But they are SO picky! They don't like a lot that I like but it's alright.
Yesterday was writing the 'post' "Things I hate about you" till 2 in the morning and finally posted i today.

I was doing yard work and gardening. I don't think it's my thing, but my poing of view is I did ok.

I'm dreaming how when I'll have my own house my yard would look like. How the trees and flowers are gonna be arranged there. I'm more of a disigner.

Then I went to play tennis with Hannah. She is such a good player! OMG! So much power. But I was kinda amazed with myself, I did really good. She did better, but come on! Get real! She is №2 in the team!!!!!
So that definitely made my day!

I came home, took a shower and than my host Dad told me that I can't go to my Art Class today because Meaghan is driving and she can only take Trevor, she is not old enogh to drive more people, that's the USA law.
I'm very upset! Because I have tennis after school I can't go to art anymore, buttoday, when I don't have school.... I'm NOT GOING!

You. YEs, I know.
You can easily tell when I'm mad.
Angry.
Or upset.
You said: "you know I love you right? I'd never hurt you."
I was mad at you today. You knew it. I was mad coz I can't change you. You are so fifferent when you're around your friends. You weren't yourself today hanging out with your friends. You were not yourself.
You even had a different kind of humor. I hate it. You asked me - what's wrong?
I said YOU!
What was wrong with you?
Are you ot of your mind? seems like it. Joking around with me about our place and how we have sex there.
But it's too late to stop.
I think I love you too much.
You're just so amazing so I forgive you for these little things that I hate about you.
But sometimes when I look at you when you're with your friends you seems to be somebody else, somebody I don't know. Not my boy.

Remember I thought you how to dance waltz? It was so much fun! You did alright.
I care about you too much.

Asked Amber to watch out for you and never let you date somebody she doesn't like when I'm gone. When I'm gone. Why would I do that.
In 3 months our relationship is gonna end.

В колонках играет - The Calling

I'm one man to make a difference
I'm one soul all persistence
In a dark word, just trying to make things right
Choices we weren't given
Any heroes, and our decision
Is to stand up and fight for ourselves

To be free
Is all we want to be
When everything seems so far out of reach
But I know, no matter where we go
I'll never stop believing in me

Woke up bent and broken
Just to find that fate has spoken
All I call out I call out for change
For every moment that remains
For every sinking stone to find its place
Long before they're washed away

We've been giving in to wrong
We've been waiting for too long
And we've been broken to pieces one by one


We're gonna know
When the moment comes