Sheldon Cooper: In here you'll find emergency provisions: an eight-day supply of food and water, a crossbow, season two of Star Trek: The Original Series on a high-density flash drive.
Elizabeth Plimpton: What if there's a disaster that destroys all the USB ports?
Sheldon Cooper: Then there's really no reason to live, is there?

Leonard: I hate my name. It has 'nerd' in it. Len-'nerd'!

Leonard: Why do I always have to carry the heavy stuff?

Sheldon: Well it’s very simple. In our ragtag band of scientists, with nothing to lose, I am the smart one, Wolowitz is the funny one and Koothrappali is the loveable foreigner who struggles to understand our ways and fails. That leaves you, by default, as the muscle.

“I’ve never viewed Michael Jackson’s Thriller video in it’s entirety as I find zombies dancing in choreographed synchronicity implausible. Also, it’s really scary.”
— Sheldon Cooper - The Big Bang Theory 4x08

"What kind of a ship has a hole in the middle?" “A Romulan battle bagel?”

“Hello Hawaii, this is Dr. Koothrappali, from Pasadena. I’d like you to repostion the telescope please. SACRLETT JOHANSON’S HOUSE!” — Rajesh Koothrappali, The Big Bang Theory 4x09

Penny: you know what I've been doing for the last hour? Leonard: Hmm, dreamly doodling Mrs. Leonard Hofstadter on your notebook?

Sheldon: What was that?
Rajesh: My stomach. Indian food doesn’t agree with me. Ironic isn’t it?

Leonard: What are you doing? Sheldon: Every Saturday since we've lived in this apartment, I have awakened at 6:15, poured myself a bowl of cereal, added a quarter-cup of 2% milk, sat on this end of this couch, turned on BBC America, and watched Doctor Who. Leonard: Penny's still sleeping. Sheldon: Every Saturday since we've lived in this apartment, I have awakened at 6:15, poured myself a bowl of cereal... Leonard: You have a TV in your room, why don't you just have breakfast in bed? Sheldon: Because I am neither an invalid nor a woman celebrating Mother's Day.

People always want to know if I’m as smart as Sheldon, which is just absurd. I mean, bless their hearts. It’s sweet that they feel compelled to ask. But sadly, no.