Мышка-Машка (jellyjam) все записи автора The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other
possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in
plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'. In the first year, 's' will replace
the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard
'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards
kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year
when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to
akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the
languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv
to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer, ze
unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil
hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun
vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Мышка-Машка (jellyjam) все записи автора Dear Signor Direttore,

Now I am tella you the story how I was treated at your hotella. I am comma from Palermo as tourist to London and stay as a young man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see no shit in my bed. How can I sleep with no shit in my bed? I calla down the receptione and tell:" I wanna shit." They tella me "Go to the toilet." I said "No, no. I wanna shit in my bed." They said "You betta not shit in your bed, you sonnawabitch." What is sonnawabitch?
I go down to ristorante for breakfast. I order bacon and eggs an two pisses of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I point to toast "I wanna piss." The waitress tella me "Go to the toilet." I say "No, no. I wanna piss on my plate." She then say to me "You bloody fella better not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch." Second peron who do not even know me and call me sonnawabitch! What is sonnawabitch?
Later I go dinner into ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid but no fock. I tella waitress "I wanna fock." and she tella me "Sure, everybody wanna fock." I tell her "No, no. You don't understand me. I wanna fock on the table." She then tell me "So you sonnawabitch, wanna fock on the table? Get your ass outa here!"
So I go to the receptione and ask for bills. I no wanna stay in your hotel no more. When I have pay the bills, the porter say to me "Thank you and peace be with you." I say "Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch." I go back to Italy! I never more comma stay in your hotella, you sonnawabitch!

Jelllyjam (jellyjam) все записи автора Japanese Banking Crisis

Recent reports indicate the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving. If anything, it's getting worse. Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, it was today learned that Sumo Bank has gone belly up. Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.


Unknown words:
to indicate - обращать внимание, указывать
to fold - сгибать; "накрываться медным тазом"
belly up - "кверху пузом" ( o фирме, которой угрожает банкротство )
to cut back - сокращать
to go for a song - продаваться за гроши
share - акция
to nose-dive - пикировать; резко падать, снижаться
job - внезапный удар, толчок, тычок
to chop - отрезать, отрубать; урезать; резко сокращать
fishy - сомнительный, подозрительный
raw deal - (sl.) нечестная сделка

Kim_Berly (jellyjam) все записи автора В колонках играет - The Cure - Burn

Jelllyjam (jellyjam) все записи автора They say a man isn't complete till he's married; then he's finished!

And a joke based on tenses:

"Will you love me when I'm old and ugly?"
"Darling, of course I do."

Мышка-Машка (jellyjam) все записи автора http://www.dp76.com/log/519

Jelllyjam (jellyjam) все записи автора A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Jelllyjam (jellyjam) все записи автора Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is.

Jelllyjam (jellyjam) все записи автора "Doctor!" complained the patient; "I keep seeing spots before my eyes."
The doctor scratched his head. "Why have you come to me? Have you seen an ophthalmologist?"
"No," replied the patient, "just spots."

Jelllyjam (jellyjam) все записи автора Do you like chocolate as I do?

Сонная_соня (jellyjam) все записи автора answer

Сонная_соня (jellyjam) все записи автора Reqest

Jelllyjam (jellyjam) все записи автора Be careful! Everything may happen!

Jelllyjam (jellyjam) все записи автора Well, it's exactly about me and my cats)


By the way, do YOU have any pets? If you do, tell us about them)

Jelllyjam (jellyjam) все записи автора One day I registered at the site where one can find some pen friends. There were some letters from different people. But today I've received a really strange one:

"Hello, my name is Paul and Im 17 years old youngster. I'd like to offer you one transaction, if you're interested, you can make a deal with me, if not -forgive bothering.
Im looking for a used, worn out youth or childrens' footwear. No matter if it would be a pair of socks, shoes, slippers, trainers, sandals or any other sort. The requirement is that it MUST be dirty, consist many signs of wear. Stains, tears, holes, dirt, dingyness inside and a foot stinky smell are great and necessary! I need them to have been used hard by kids at my age or preferably younger. Of course Im going to pay you for those goods. As my parents are rich I can afford to pay for each pair of socks 30$ and for shoe type item 50$. If we'll start to cooperate, I'll send you money by most comfortable, chosen by you way. You will receive shipping costs and half of the price of each item before sending them to me The rest of money you'll get after I receive a package. So, are you able to find such kind of footwear for me? You can also ask your relatives, friends or take some footwear from young siblings, I don't care way you gonna do this.
If you're interested, please hurry up in contacting me, cause I sent this offer to some other people and who'll be faster, will make this transaction with me. If you are angry or simply not interested - forgive bothering."

Maybe, I didn't understand? Or he is a really strange guy?)))

Сонная_соня (jellyjam) все записи автора

I've  received the link from Jelllyjam