In the movie I Think I Love My Wife , comedian and actor Chris Rock plays a sexually deprived husband and loving father who develops a crush on an old college friend that he bumps into (played by Kerry Washington). They start hanging out and his rekindled friendship with her awakens some romantic desires which create a disruption in both his marriage and his job.kevin samuels cia

When he becomes dizzy with lust and starts to lose his grip on his responsibilities at the prestigious investment firm for which he works, his boss has a heart-to-heart with him and delivers some profound advice: "You can lose a lot of money chasing women...but you can't lose women chasing money."

If only young black men would take heed to this advice as they are growing up. Such focus would prevent the underdevelopment of potential and values which cause them to go astray and seek validation in other ways.

Culturally, black boys (especially those who have modest or above average looks) hear how many girlfriends they are expected to have, how many hearts they are going to break, or what a "lady killer" they are going to be before they learn to tie their own shoes.

With the seeds of distraction planted so early in their fertile minds, and predictions of being a future "heartbreaker," black boys formulate subconscious achievement motives that entail the validation, edification, and prioritization of babes.

The validation confirms that they do indeed appeal to the opposite sex. The edification is what allows them to elevate themselves above the male competitors in their age group; further allowing the boosting of the ego and feelings of self-worth. The prioritization is the rank of importance that they place upon the expenditure of time used in the pursuit and conquest of women.

Combined, they form the roots for many of the problems that plague black families. I call it the babes and babies syndrome: black men who are driven by the pursuit of babes and shun the responsibility of taking care of their babies in the process.

For many of these young boys who become young men who suffer from this syndrome, it's hard to change their mentality. After all, if you are constantly asked how many girlfriends you have as you are growing up, it creates an unconscious expectation. Coupled with the fact that many of your peers are engaging in, and thereby endorsing the same behavior, our black teenage boys are more likely to get their player's cards before receiving their library cards.

Despite the fact that friends and family members tell them to "settle" down when they get older (now full-grown men), it takes time (and usually some drama) before they develop a sense of consciousness about their lecherous ways. It's not that they can't help it, they often simply don't know how - especially after spending most of their lives as virile men whose self-worth and self-esteem is tied to the validation they receive from the sexual conquest of women.

Breaking habits and changing the way we think is a tremendous challenge for all of us, but for the players of the world, it's exceptionally difficult. It doesn't happen simply because they feel "it's time," or because they feel like they're "getting older," it happens when the conquest of babes no longer holds the allure, power, validation, or meaning that it once did. Then, and only then, can there be a true shift in values.

Some do make the successful transition from boys to men. They are the ones who either never bought into the "player's mentality" because they were guided or focused from an early age by parents, had off-setting values, or they played the field and their conscious made them change their ways; thus avoiding the babes and babies syndrome.

Those who cling to the predatory mentality of using women to build, feed, or sustain their egos well into their adulthood comprise the bulk of the perpetrators who contribute to the demise of the socioeconomic plight of today's black families.