Про систему

Гарик Чер-ский ( www.cherski.ru/post57287501/page1.html )переживает из-за неучтенного кресла, которое на него пытается повесить бухгалтерия.

Это что, иногда бывает и так:

Звонит знакомая главбушка в панике:
— ой! у нас налоговая проверка! штрафуют!
— за что?
— мы не удержали налог с венка!
— ???
— у нас помер сотрудник и фирма купила венок на его могилу
— дык… Вы ж, надеюсь, исключили из расходов для налога на прибыль — венок же не направлен на получение экономической выгоды…
— да! исключили! пусть подавятся, но они настаивают, что сотрудник получил натуральный доход в виде оплаты за него товара на основании ст.210 гл.23 НК РФ!
— венок куплен после смерти сотра?
— да!
— так какой же тогда у покойника доход?
— спасибо! сейчас им скажу!
……….
— они подумали и теперь настаивают, что это доход жены сотра, которая оплачивала похороны
— на ленточке что было написано?
— “от сотрудников фирмы NNN”
— ну и причём здесь жена?
— спасибо!
……….
— они сказали, что стоимость ленточки исключили, но стоимость венка всё равно в доход жене!
— венок стоил менее 4000?
— да!
— проведите венок как подарок — тогда сработает льгота по
“Статья 217. Доходы, не подлежащие налогообложению (освобождаемые от налогообложения)
Не подлежат налогообложению (освобождаются от налогообложения) следующие виды доходов физических лиц:
28) доходы, не превышающие 4000 рублей, полученные по каждому из следующих оснований за налоговый период:
стоимость подарков, полученных налогоплательщиками от организаций или индивидуальных предпринимателей;”
— спасибо!
……….
— они сказали, что покойнику нельзя что—либо дарить
— дык… подарок ЖЕНЕ! Понятно?
……….
— ОГРОМНОЕ СПАСИБО! штраф сняли!

Why does English have no phrase like "Bon appйtite"? Has it ever occurred to you that there is no simple way of expressing your hope that someone will enjoy what he is about to eat? If you are entertaining, and say to your guest as you put his dinner before him "I hope you like it", then he will probably think one of two things: either that there is an element of doubt about the meal, or that there is an element of doubt about him! - that the food is perhaps unusual, and he will not be enough of a gastronomic sophisticate to appreciate it. You can be certain of one thing - he will not interpret "I hope you like it" in the same way that the Frenchman interprets "Bon appйtite" - as a wish that focuses itself on the eater, and not on what is to be eaten. Those opposed to English cooking will no doubt explain the lack by pointing to the quality of food in this country; it's so bad, they will say, that no one ever really believes that it could be enjoyed. Hence, no need for a phrase that enjoins enjoyment! But surely not even English food can be as bad as all that.

Anyway, it's not only a matter of food. Have you never felt the need for a simple, universal and socially neutral еxprеssiоn to use when drinking with someone? The Spaniard has his "Salud", the German his "Prosit", Swedes say "Skеal", and the Frenchman, simply and sincerely "А votre santи". But what about the unfortunate English? For most of them, "Good health" is impossibly old-fashioned and stuffy. It may be all right for lawyers and stockbrokers, doctors and dons, or for crusty colonels inside the four walls of a club; but in the boozer down the Old Kent Road it just sounds out of place. It is true that there is a whole string of vaguely possible alternatives that range from the mildly jocular through the awkward to the phrase-book bizarre; and if you listen carefully you may just hear people still saying "Here's mud in your eye", "Here's the skin off your nose", "Down the hatch" or "All the best" as they sink their pints or sip their sherries. But mostly they take refuge nowadays in "Cheerio" or its truncated version "Cheers". And even here, for some people there is a sneaking suspicion that the term is not quite right. That it is somehow a shade too breezy, and comes most easily from someone addicted to tweeds and the phrase "Old chap".

Even when taking our leave it seems we English are victims of some strange deficiencies in our valedictory vocabulary. The standard term "Goodbye" is both too formal and too final. It may be just the job for ushering someone out of your life altogether; but most leave-takings - for better or people now say "Bye bye" instead; others try to make this particularly nauseating bit of baby-talk worse - are temporary affairs. Perhaps in an attempt to escape implications of finality, many more acceptable by shortening it to "Bye". And in place of those many leave-takings which so easily accommodate the idea of another meeting - "Au revoir", "Auf Wiedersehen", "Arrivederci", and so on, we have, alas, only such sad colloquialisms as "So long" and "I'll be seeing you".

These examples by no means exhaust the areas in which the English language doesn't exactly help social contact. They have been called 'linguistic gaps' and tend to turn up in some way or another in most languages. But according to Mr. Daniel Kane - a lecturer at the University of Chester - there seem to be more of them in English than in other languages - at least other Western European languages. At the moment Mr. Kane is seeking funds to finance a small research project into the problem. He wants first of all to question a large number of people about their feelings on the matter. "After all, I must be certain that the man in the street is aware of these gaps in the same way that I think I am" says Mr. Kane. And then he proposes to compare English with several other languages in this respect, and 'look for possible sociological reasons' for the differences he finds.


LI 3.9.25