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The most boring lesson is better than rest
The bitterest times soon seem to be best
It is not your fault that you live in the past
Your life will be short, but your dying will last...
11/09/01
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21/03/04
Happy Birthday To Me
Today's my eighteenth birthday. Getting dark.
I walk alone and smoke in desert park
This day is not a holiday for me
I wish I've never got a chance to be
I never felt such emptiness inside
But I knew what I did, I wasn't blind
I always knew it's gonna end like this
But never cared and did just what I pleased
I am not sorry, I'm quite satisfied
It's all quite logical, and everything is right
I don't need no one's understanding. But
I know the string of my life should be cut
, 24 2005 . 21:09
Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On
Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and go on
Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And will never go till we're one
Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life will always go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go and go on
There is some love that will not go away
You're here, there's nothing I fear
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and go on
- My Heart Has Gone Off
Every time when I'm high
I feel just like screaming
And I want to cry out your name
Not so far is TV
I switch on recorder
And my fucking heart starts go off
Here, there, no matter where
I am just driven mad with your voice
Once more I lie on the floor
And you're washing my brains
And my fucking heart keeps go off
Love can rape us one time
And fuck for a lifetime
And will blow our minds out of brains
Love was when I heard you
One true time you told me
One's hate can be bigger than love
Here, there, no matter where
I am just driven mad with your voice
Once more I lie on the floor
And you're washing my brains
And my fucking heart keeps go off
There is some pain that will not go away
I'm high, my mind's passing by
And I know that I am overdosed
I'll stay forever this way
Lying here on cold floor
And my fucking heart has gone off...
July 2005
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"How
Could I be without you
How
Could I live my life
How
Could my world go spinning
How
Could I be so blind"
It's just stupid old trash
Made for washing brains
Made for getting more cash
Made for cutting veins
I have got along with System
I'm her child, and I admit
If I do not "pledge allegiance"
I'll be still "a part of "it""
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Dying through these colden years
I reached promised land of fake
Don't need anyone who cares
Never care for no one's sake
Do you like me smiling blankly? -
Far more than stand me depressed
Do you like me being careless? -
Far more than watch me obssessed
Just give me little hint
What you expect of me
What I need to belong
What I'm supposed to be
I can perform love, care
As well as hate and fear
But don't you fucking dare
Tell me to be sincere
It just cannot last forever
Decay has already crept in
Whoever'd be trying whatever
It all will be gone to waste-bin
The end is at hand, can't you feel it?
All efforts in vain, and yours too
We all will be drowned in our own shit
No matter who's false and who's true
*Don't touch me - I can hurt you*
*You tease me - I ignore
Your passions such a bore*
*I can take the pain, I'm used to be stranded
But you love yourselves too much just to stand it*
*Love hates me for loving hate
But I don't mind*
*She is not my source of profit*
*Don't you find?*
*Once the apathy saved my life
I was too lazy to sharpen the knife*
*Extreme pain is not felt*
*Extreme hate is indifferent*
*The centre of Hell is ice*
The grass is grey like ashes of empires
I guess your world commited suicide
The dying cities melt in nuclear fires
And when they turn to dust comes timeless night
I step in bitter waters and I feel
Like I am floating in my mother's womb
This blood of perished world has strength to heal
Was it you, Saviour, who has dropped the bomb?
I'm waiting for my dawn of dying light
The acid rains had washed my tears away
It is so strange to feel I'm no more blind
At last this world became good place to stay
The winds of north brought scent of toxic smog
Fresh grass was tangled with fallen leaves and trash
And so we were - you, star of our block
And I - a morbid soul in virgin flesh
I was "another one", you were - the only
We were just friends, I never wanted you
I always felt all right when being lonely
Till you proposed to show me something new
It's all my fault - I knew what I was doing
And I'm not playing "spoiled innocence"
The lying to themselves deserve the fooling
Thank you, my love - you taught me common sense
The empty afterparty streets are filled with wind and trash
My dying soul is no more sore - all dues are paid in cash
I was a part of wasted crowd, and I felt so much strong
It didn't matter where and how just wanting to belong
And that was such a desperate need that I at last forgot
All of my pains and doubts and fears, been left with only thought -
Why did I want not long ago to get out of the crowd?
But that crowd wasn't the one to say such corny thing aloud...
