My new life has began... I am definitely growing up, I have to take control of everything and start re-organizing my life and take responsibility for every aspect of it. It’s hard and exciting at the same time. I spent the whole weekend along, Yuri was with Harry, so I had time to get things done in the house.. the best thing was the feeling, that I am actually always going to have time now, and I do not need to be stressed out at all. With empty living room and the feeling of space, I felt that my mind has cleared of clutter and I can finally see things clearly and I have the energy to sort it out. I managed to get through large amounts of paper and I got going with Natasha’s album again. Though at the end I did not feel very satisfied. I am looking at other ideas, and may need to re-do it again completely, it has to be something outstanding, otherwise I won’t be happy. Dinesh came on Sunday to help me hang the frames. He is so knowledgeable and so kind, he gave me lots of advise too. Again I was a bit disappointed that I chose clear frame and not frosted one.. also the long frame has two much reflection and I would have to move it, but things are progressing and that’s what matters.
Today was so good at work, only 5 hours and they went so fast! And when I came out, the sun just broke through the clouds as if it wanted to welcome me to this new life with free time during the day when the nature will be all mine to enjoy. Yuri was excited to see me, but then he had a terrible tantrum at home. I could not do anything until he went to bed, but that’s fine, as the whole purpose of this is to spend more time with him, and not tear myself apart between him and everything else. His Russian is progressing so well, he is so ego to learn the words and the letters, we spend about an hour playing, he loves it. He still has a very funny foreign accent, and he always confuses gender and tenses, it’s such a hard language, but he is willing to speak. I am delighted that my plan has worked – power of my thinking is yielding results yet again.
Out TV does not work – so I have no clue what’s going on in the world. I am feeling impatient to get some furniture.. I know I need to check what I can afford first. One part of me is being cautious, and the other is saying that I will have enough money and should not worry. Which one will win?
The heating is working again thanks to Dinesh, it was so silly of me not to check the thermostat.
I have to learn to live on my own, and I will make this home beautiful and it will be wonderful to be in it. I am getting used to the space now, it no longer feels empty.
I also need to break the old habits that Harry imposed on me, on how to handle my clothes, how to cook, clean, etc. I need to re-discover who I am and have a fresh start. I’ve got the green light!
Sam keeping sending me texts at least once a week, he does not want me to forget him? I actually stopped thinking about him. I cannot get distracted right now. Just need to cheer up a tiny bit more.
Day off tomorrow, need a good sleep and will be good as new again!

This is definitely a new page in my life, there are many physical changes too, I am not too much into symbolism, but it’s all pointing clearly at the major change.
This week I am feeling a bit down. Harry was here 3 evenings in a raw to get his belongings from the loft.. he was terribly rude the very first night.. he managed to through me out of balance as well.
The last two nights were peaceful, he got everything and today he got the movers in and all his things are gone. My living room is empty.. I don’t even understand how I feel about it. I’ts strange first of all. I know I do not regret about the furniture or any other material objects, I am not attached to them.. still can’t say I am happy.. or unhappy.. just a lit disturbed, there is no turning back. I do not even know why I let him take everything. I just let it happen, I can not fight anymore, that must have been the easier option just to let go?
I do not want him to be back ever again, he wanted to return to pick up small items, I said no, we made the list and I will put these items out for him. He has several boxes full of beautiful new glasses, but yet he asked me to give him half of those cheap Tesco glasses that we bought together. I will never understand.
I will also be changing desks at work tomorrow, so all will be different from now on, what I do at work, the way my house looks, the extra time that I am finally going to have.. new friends, freedom, great Salsa nights too.. no money or more money? How will things turn out?
I need to get my life re-organized, piles of unsorted papers are bothering me, but the worst is Natasha’s album, I still have not finished it, it’s dreadful...

After Nicola’s pictures I am doing nothing else but her album, that’s it!
Still very positive about the future. I take comfort when I think of my new male friends Joe and Sam.. it’s nice to feel that they can help me if I call them, though I never will.
I guess I am sad.. but excitement will certainly follow, I will get everything I want!

That’s it, the story is finally over, I still can not believe that it finally happened! I am writing this from home and I do not have to worry that he might find out!
HE HAS MOVED OUT!
He took a large part of his belongings, I have changed the locks and this means never again he is coming back to spend the night under the same roof as me.
He is gone, and peace and happiness will now reign in this house forever...We shared a bottle of wine with my mom, I am so delighted!
I have had an amazing influx of energy, cleaning up and doing chores around the house, all that despite the fact that I am absolutely exhausted after TLUK big event and weekly commute to Richmond for SFDC course.
I can close this chapter of my life, though I have not been keeping any records lately, it’s pretty much because the purpose of this diary has been fulfilled. It helped me to stay focused and find strength in the moments of weakness. My life has improved dramatically, and the last month is the prime example of how wonderful it can be when each day is filled with interesting things and I can live to the fullest every single moment.

I have no more anger and certainly no regrets.

Now my diary will be dedicated to my new passion and my road to success in Photography!

I am really geared up for this last battle. Since I got the dictation machine I feel more protected, and every conversation that we have gets recorded. He kept telling me that our account will be negative at the end of the year, and that's all my fault and I would have to cover up for the difference. So finally I got my act together, I sat down, I got all the statements and analysed them one by one.
What I discovered was a real shock. He has been underpaying to the account very significantly, by about 5000-6000 this year. I am not sure what exactly did I feel, hurt, betrayed, angry? I though that I will complete the analysis and send him an e-mail, and take the matter to the court if he is unwilling to settle it. The plan did not quite work, as he saw me working on the spreadsheet last night. So we ended up have this conversation yesterday, and I recorded it all.
As expected he got very angry and he called me "crazy". However he agreed to pay in 1200, which will cover all our December bills, and we'll be able to close the account after it with a bit of a leftover. This is progress compared to me making up for the negative difference, but of course, he is still benefiting here. I will need to get all the Amex bills and check them, as I am sure I'll have evidence of his underpayments - and all his denial will be then useless.
I could not sleep, and when did start falling a sleep, I had nightmares, someone was strangling me and I felt terrified.
This is all so unhealthy. But it will be over soon.
We had really good time at Steph and Paul's, huge meal, very nice relaxing afternoon while Yuri was having his nap. I am getting my Christmas card ready this year, every friend will get one. I am happy and want to make the rest of world happy too.
Next year will be absolutely amazing. It's a final countdown!

Sunday I invited Natasha to come and work on her wedding photos.
I did not know what Harry's plans are, and I certainly did not expect that when I wake up in the morning, he won't be there!
That was amazing, and he did not come home until really late, so I did not see him all day.
We had such a happy day! Yuri and me get on so well now, we have peace and harmony at home when we are alone.
I cleaned the house, cooked some lunch, while Yuri was playing and entertaining himself. When Natasha came, we were able to do everything, and he behaved like a little angel.
I enjoyed being home so much, I've forgotten how wonderful and relaxing it is to enjoy your own home. Soon, soon I can do this every weekend, and instead of running away from home, I will be relaxing and having people over. This will be just so good, I can not wait.
This week he came home late every night, so I did not see him, apart from one morning, when I told him that Yuri is ill and someone needs to stay home with him,
He accused me of making him ill and of it being it my fault that I used up all my holidays. And of course he had no intention to help.. But the fact that he is not there is helping!
Yuri is fine now, and me - even better. This morning I noticed that his suitcase is not there - I hope this means another trip, and a few more days of peace at home.
Fred has been planning a Disney trip for us, and he will pick us up from the train station.
He is so kind.. I am super sensitive to kindness now (after Harry being the opposite), it makes my heart melt, and I feel very happy and appreciative. All my friends in Paris said they would like to meet up, it feels like the trip is going to be too short. I am so excited!
I finished Fiona's photos and some of them are really quite good, I hope she likes them tomorrow.
Work has been super busy, and time goes so fast, I can not even remember last time I felt bored. Knowing that in only 4 months time I will work less and only do what I love makes me very motivated. Paul McKenna's voice is in my ears "you will find new easier ways to live, to work and to really enjoy life".. This is all becoming true.