Rehabilitating Murder Horses For Fun and Profit

Понедельник, 04 Октября 2021 г. 23:37 + в цитатник

and so begins another week of daily uploads, buckle up kids~

so here's an AU I cooked up. It's just for fun, and not canon for the pandoraverse.:>

I had an idea that following the MLP finale, Twilight would eventually remember it's kinda fucked up to leave four villains to suffer a fate worse than death. She sets her mind to reforming Cozy Glow, King Sombra, Tirek, and Chrysalis....but this is a monumental task. Where does she even begin? She asks Celestia for advice, and Celestia, with her usual disregard for her subjects, says "lol, just make somebody else do it". And so, Twilight did!

Using the power of math, analytics, and maybe a little too much coffee, Twilight calculates the perfect ponies suited to reforming Equestria's most dangerous villains. Here we can see two of Twilight's choices: King Sombra (stripped of his powers, naturally), is assigned to Sunburst, while a weakened Queen Chrysalis is dumped off to mine rocks under Maud Pie. (ps. pls don't ask me if i'm gonna do the other villains, for now this is all i'm interested in drawing)

1.) "We're going to make such beautiful research together!"

Sombra is.......not happy about being made to live in the cluttered home of a chubby little shut-in. He's a king, damn it! He should be drinking wine out of the skulls of his enemies! Being fed grapes by beautiful servants! Not.....not being served microwaved hot pockets and asked a million questions about magic! And while a toothy growl used to be enough to get Sunburst flinching away, now the little fool is all too assured in Sombra being harmless without his dark magic. He has the nerve to waggle his finger in Sombra's face and tell him "murder is bad"- even squirting Sombra with a water bottle whenever he schemes to take over Equestria! How dare he?? The moment Sombra figures out how to get his powers back, he's going to unleash a torrent of darkness the likes of which the world has never seen before, and Sunburst shall be the first to be consumed by the shadows!!!!

....Uh. But in the meantime. Maybe hot pockets aren't so bad. And those pop tarts with the strawberry filling. Maybe Sunburst's company isn't completely horrible- it beats being buried in ice for a millennium, at least. Maybe modern ponies are onto something with their cozy pajamas and daytime naps and soap operas, hm. Maybe Sunburst is very soft and cuddly and turns a most delicious red when Sombra says anything even slightly suggestive....

Welp. Gotta find something to keep him occupied before he can begin his evil conquest. Might as well spend his time recounting history to an awed Sunburst. Foolish little pony. So easily impressed. Perhaps when the reign of darkness begins, Sombra might just keep him as a pet....

meanwhile, Sunburst to the pizza delivery guy: ah gee thanks for delivering this late, my boyfriend really had a hankering for garlic knots

Sombra in the background in rumpled cookie monster pajamas: a pox on your race if you've forgotten the dipping sauce!!

2.) "Hard labor? What do you know of hard labor?! Give birth to two thousand grubs in two days, then talk to me about hard labor!"

"Just pick up the shovel, drama queen."

Chrysalis is assigned to the care and tutelage of Maud Pie, to learn the value of family, friendship, and most importantly, humility. Twilight figured that smashing rocks into rubble would do wonders for Chrysalis' rage issues. It did not. Without her magic, Chrysalis is not particularly strong. Lugging around a heavy sledge hammer makes her ancient back ache. The dust irritates her eyes. And worst of all, her awful little pony "friend" is completely unresponsive to her shouting and goading. The dull little thing isn't even good for a conversation! At least all this work busting rocks into dust gives her plenty of time to think about how she'll soon do the same thing to the Mane Six and the princesses. Maybe with the very same sledgehammer.

Still....perhaps a tiny part of her can admit it feels nice to retire after a hard days work. It feels....grounding, to hold a piece of rock that she carved with her very own hands. There's a tiny wonder in discovering the occasional gem- most recently, she found a fragment of emerald that reminded her of the eyes of her newly hatched grubs. Chrysalis' sense of taste is greatly atrophied and dulled, so she even somewhat appreciates the rancid, pungent, archaic meals (eg. onion sandwiches, vinegar pie) that come from the Pie family's kitchen. The rocks in the soup provide a very satisfying crunch. And maybe there's something nice about that purple rock farmer offering to massage her exoskeleton after a day's hard labor. And listening patiently while Chrysalis vents and rages about her trials and tribulations and failures and future REVENGE. There's something nice about this "Maud" running Chrysalis a hot bath, cleaning out all the nooks and crannies of her carapace....rubbing shampoo into her tattered mane until it sparkles like it did centuries ago......Chrysalis hasn't been treated like this since she lost her hive. Hmm. Maud's monotonous droning about rock varieties is the perfect white noise for Chrys to fall asleep to. And even an evil splindly insect like Chrysalis can appreciate those boulder-destroying biceps, good grub almighty...

She's still going to destroy Equestria. She's going to get off this swarm-forsaken rock farm. But maybe, for now.....it's not the worst arrangement. Hmph.

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