Hi everyone..
I just had no time to write more often, but i will to be good girl and be here at least once a week or twice..
Today i made some proffesional photo..I enjoyed it very much..
I know i will send them for my love, he not to feel soo lonely..
I know very well what is lonelyness..when you come into your apartment and noone is waiting for you..
I already learned how to enjoy this lonelyness..., think he did too, but we are now in such age and mood, that really need our second half be with us...me with him..
I still don't know about baby...but 5 days period late sounds great, isn't it?
I decided not to buy any tests..just to wait more 1 week and go to the doctor...It would be wiser)).
In both variants i will be happy..Don't want to dream about baby anymore..Don't want be disappointed....
Oh..i forget to tell you..its so nice outside...real spring..
And daddy soon will come..

Hi ..
I don't know anything for sure yet(((
Its first day of delay...God, i want so much to be pregnant..
I ve made already 5!!! tests..so impatient..and everytime it was showing just one line on it:((..everytime it was such big disappointment..to see this lonely line on the test..Tomorrow morning i am going to make the last test..
You know i was living these 2 years..like sleeping princess..now Randy came and woke me up with sweet kiss..and now i am again alive, but everytime i see something that reminds me about him , about us doing sex...I feel myself like a bitch with the period, wanting her dog partner..Everything reminds me him..
He will be here in 6 weeks..and again i am waiting him soo much..God...i am so impatient, hate to wait..but you know, i think our love just becoming stronger with this distance..I miss him so much..I noticed, before in my previous relations the distance made me to mmm..forget somehow the partner..
With my daddy...i almost feel on my skin his tender touches, i remember how sweet are his kisses.
Ohh..and another thing that is changing in my life...I feel myself like mmm..being small girl, mmm..blonde:),i even bought pink clothes for me..LOL..
It such a nice feeling..being weak, small, cute babygirl, and knowing you have big strong daddy, who cares of you and protecting you, and he is everything for this baby ..

You know, when we were together, we made some photoes together..
Its very interesting now to look at those photoes..
I still cann't believe its me there on photo..
I think i look much better on those photoes..Maybe its happiness that makes me more beautiful?
I love so much Randy's hugs...Its so wonderful..

Today was interesting day..
Really amazing..
I was reminding all our weekend with Randy and noticed one thing..
He did that, i was trying to do for 5 years...
I ..had problems. with my private intimate space..couldn't allow anyone to enter this zone..i mean in my previous relation i needed to control this..
From the very beginning there..in airport..standing near the wall..i didnt feel anything except love, embarrasment and excitement..no fear..no panic as usually i had..
Really interesting..and mm..staying in lift in my house with him..again near wall..i didnt felt any fear..even opposite feeling..felt he is protecting me..
I don't know how he did it..I didn't notice any barrier he to pass, only now, analysing it i can see it, then it was just naturally, as it should be..
somehow he entered in my soul and brain and heart so deep, that i didnt notice it))
He is healing me...my complexes, my fears..he is great.God..i love him soo much..Tell it to him every minute..Feel myself so silly..but enjoying this)) think i am crazy..
Today i was in the city center with the business..everywhere on my eyes pregnant women...i want soo much to be pregnant too..i want to have his child..
this time...waiting whether i am pregnant or no..it drives me crazy..i feel very strange..behave as i would be pregnant))
Girls on my work...don't know how they will survive these 2 weeks, till i be sure..I am a bit.mmm..strange now)))this is lightly expression))
Will tell you when i will be sure, ok?

Hi..
I didn't write a lot of time.. My love visited me and i have to do a lot of things on my job to be more or less free these 2,5 days..God, he made me so happy...
But let's begin from the very beginning...
He bought the tickets for 28 March..i was sooo anxious to meet him, to look in his eyes, to feel his kisses..
i was like a marathon on my job before=its the end of the year quarter so as accountant i need to present a lot of statements..In addition to this i needed to color my hair, to do nails, to cook, to clean the apartment...a lot of things..
I was nervous and at the same time very very calm...
it were like waves of emotions..I don't know how i was waiting for my daddy..it were like i would have some needles and pins under me..couldnt sit, stay at one place, i had to run somewhwere, to jump...too much energy i think..
So...big day in airport...Our airport is small and people who are waiting can see travellers through the big glass door..
It was two planes at the same time, so i was staying there and looking at the big line of people who waited for custom control....
Other people, who were meeting the travellers, they were waving their hands, shouting something, smiling, nervous...but i was just waiting and waiting..
Till i notice one pair of the most beautiful and native eyes..I sank in it...but then suddenly i losed them and couldnt find it anymore..i was thinking were he can be..hiding?
And i waited and waited...we there have 2 doors which lead out..First is almost all the time closed, everyone can just look through it, and the second is to come out...So..i was running between those 2 doors waiting for him..
I decided to remain near the first door..and it was about 2-3 minutes and i saw him..coming..and entering in hall through the glass door( he was first to come out through that door)..He come to me..looked in my eyes..said hi and kissed me..
It was sooo wonderful ..our first kiss..so sweet..
I felt like.mm..i would do everything if he ask me..
i felt love..no..LOVE..
we went from there...and stopped near the wall..Here he pushed me lightly to it...and kissed me deeper, hotter..so that my legs began to tremble..He is sooo sexy..
So we calm down a bit..kissed and went to the taxi..
The taxi is one story apart..Randy made me to feel soo embarrassed.. he was kissing me there..touching me..i felt embarrassed, but very very excited..we come to home..
i prepared before dinner..but we ate much..later...god..i never had such sex...
everything i had before ..it was not sex even,...now i understand it very well..He...filled me totally..its amazing..
So..it was very hot weekend...but except the sex..we had other connection too..i felt very happy just to lay near him and to look in his eyes, or feel my hand in his hand..
First day we went to the market to buy some things for the computer, didn't find anything..))Daddy think hate our country))To much to walk without any result))
We came home..he made me go and find what we needed..its interesting..he gave me the mm..confidence..and optimistic way of thinking..its not usuall for russians..
The last day we went in the city center, made some photoes..were in nice cafe..then went home..my computer got virus ..and daddy was repairing it..i was a bit dissappointed, needed his attention for me, not for computer..but..at the same time..i saw his strength in his decisions..and i don't know now what is better..he didnt pay me attention that time..but gave me confidence in what he is doing..this means if he decided to do something nothing will stop him..and i love this feature..i needed such man, god..its only pitty i didnt met him before..at 16)) he always to be with me..to love me, to protect me..
Then it was sleepless night..we went to the airport..were holding our hands..hugging...but..its strange..i felt so confident in him..in our relations..felt being like a wife whose husband went for a businesstrip)) and very soon be home..
Sure after i came home i cried..felt lonely in my apartment..his smell everywhere..but.think we need to find better good sides..He made me happy..maybe i am pregnant..god i want it sooo much. Want to have his baby..Our baby..today made the test, it was negative(( maybe its too early?...i need daddy's baby...i want it so badly...
and ..you know..everyone has some space in his memories, where he never will allow anyone to enter..some skeletons in closet..daddy gave me enough confidence to let him enter that closet..i ..never told about some things to anyone in whole world..i tried to forget some things..Today he asked me..and i felt he ..can know this things about me too..i just trust him as never trusted a person..and didn't want to tell him not truth..i just pray he to understand me and not accuse me in anything..cause..well i dont know how i would live if such situation happends..I feel his love and i love him too..
I simply want to be with him..all my life..
till the last minute..

Hi everyone..
My Randy is already ok...he told me this..but i don't know if now he tells me the trueth or just wants me not to worry ..I asked him to make some photoes of him after accident..or webcam show..he refused((
I don't know why..no, i know why..he wants to show he is strong...never weak...Weak doesn't mean bad..And noone can be strong in every activity..Maybe someone offended him in youth or childhood..i don't know..you know there is such type of woman, silly one, who will laugh on her boyfriend, if she see he cannt do a thing, even if she notice he tries..i would kill such woman..think they are becoming first complex..the same with the man...
Sometimes, such situation makes the person stronger, as it was with my daddy,(my thoughts only..not facts..maybe it is just rich imagination) but can you imagine what would be if that person would be weak? he could became weaker, could break..
Think everyone should see what is inside him, to try to realize why he is doing that and not this..why he wants the certain things..i did it..It helps me to live more happily...cause i know myself very well..i know what i want..and that i will be happy if obtain this...I know i want my Randy..and always wanted such person as my husband, as father of my children..
And ..i want if he will read my blog him to know...i will always love him..weak or strong..and i always will be on his side, no matter if he will be right or wrong..

Well my daddy is out of hospital and is home..
I feel great relief..but..i understand one thing..will write in russian..
Знаете девочки, Я много думала все это время..лучще я бы узнала что он мне изменяет, чем пережить еще раз эту боль..Я думаю я бы все смогла бы ему простить..только бы он был здоров и счастлив...Слишком сильно я его люблю..

Well...i had worst night in my life..
The day began sooo good..it is already 1 month we are together..i felt soo happy..we talk a bit in the morning, then a bit at the day and not too much evening..and Randy asked me to go to sleep for a couple of hours...Better i wouldn't do it...I blame now myself for sleeping last night and not talking with him..So we decided to meet in scype after 3 or 4 hours..
I was there as we talked..but he wasn't ..i was waiting a couple of minutes and got an sms, telling me "honey don't worry.I had bad car accident, but now i am ok just some bruises and bad shoulder and ..i am in hospital now..soon will be at home.." Does he really believes that i won't worry?
I know myself very well...when i am ill( i mean very ill, ex. when i was making surgeries), dying in hospital..noone from my family or friends knew this.I don't like to see pitty in their eyes, don't like this feeling..don't want them to worry about me.So knowing myself, and looking closely to the situation i felt that something really bad happends..god..i tried to call him, again and again..no response, i sent him sms, no response..different bad thoughts arised in my head..why if he didn't hurt too much to worry me about it, he stays in hospital so long..think he even remained there on night..
God, i feel so weak, cause i cann't help him, cannt come and take care of him, i know he is alone there and he won't ask anyone for help..i feel so terrible...
In the morning i received another one sms, where he said that me to stop calling him, cause it is forbidden there to use phones in hospital and he needed to went out of hospital to write me this sms..well the sms was a bit mean, maube he was very tired, or felt bad or..wanted me to feel upset and less worry about him..well, it didn't work.
I couldn't sleep for sure, i cannt eat, i cannt think. Now i came home from work (today i need to go to work very early -at 8am, usually i work from 10am) and sit like a dog near computer and wait for him..
Now i understand what really he means for me..i knew that i love him, but now i now that i cannt breath without him..God i don't know what to do..I am afraid he is sick, laying alone..and i cannt do anything, just sit here and crying..i ..don't know how i will live if something happend to him..i love him so much!!I am praying now he to be healthy and to cure fast from those traumas..

Yesterday...was completely not my day...
I had a lot of work, broken my nail, while was shopping, taxi i took had an accident...and finally this weather...grey sky, rain, cold...hate such weather...
I talk with my Randy about children yesterday. Now when i remind his jokes about children i just smile, but yesterday..mm...it was very unpleasant.. He told me that he wants children, but..mmm..he will never clean them, cause its mom's job)))he doesn't want to do any dirty job with children..But children..its naturally that babies are not always clean....
I was a bit upset because of such thoughts...but..today i made a reserch on this subject...my male friends think the same..((( Ohh...they are men(((...Think I need to accept that men are not so close to children...as women.
But...the only thing i am sure is, that Randy will love his children and will be perfect father..
My mom called me again)))) twice))))..
And..you know what she told me? Actually, before Randy, she was defending all my boyfriends)))Saying..ohh, sweetie, pls be more patient with...or be nicer...you have such bad character.., you are too complex ...too aggresive..So today, she said...baby take care he not hurt you , you are too nice and sweet..you always look to people through pink glasses...))) See difference?
But i know that he never never will hurt me...he is too good, even if he is hidding it.I love him everyday more and more....

Hi my dear readers...
Another day and another signes of my love..
You know..i understood what is love..The love is when your mother starts to be jealous..Mom have called me today...last week she calls me everyday!! and talks only about Randy, me and her..Think she afraids, that i am so in love with daddy that i will forget her..well...mmm..not nice from me...but think he became more important for me then her.., but it doesn't mean that i don't love her or will forget her..She has only me, i owe her all my life..You know, its really strange, but it is first time she behaves like this..jealously, with fear she will lose me..
Now i was checking my notes, and noticed that i mistyped..wrote instead love life. Think it can be explained by Freid theory..we subcontiously tell what is in our head..my life now it is devoted to Randy..he is my dream..and not only dream)))) he is mine..and i won't let him go from me..
You know..think my perception of life is like small child's..His parents for him are everything, they are the best, the nicest, the smartest and strongest person in the world. Randy became my ideal.

Hi...It's another day and another happiness..
God...i cant believe it's not a dream..
Think we are perfect for each other. Usually when we talk with my love i don't see him on screen..Yesterday he made for me show..He is so handsome...even he thoughts he's ugly)))Don't believe him...He is just perfect..big, strong, sporty..deep dark hypnotising eyes..very sexy...Sometimes when i look at photoes..I see strond man, confident..but yesterday i ve discovered another his face..the face of boy, who needs very much love and attention...And i am going to give all my love i have to take sadness from his eyes(sometimes i can see it)..
It is interesting how so many faces (i mean in good way)can have a person..But if to take me...think i am same as Randy..for 8 years i play role of strong woman, confident in herself, but the only thing i wanted these years to meet a man, who could be with me, defend me, love me.. me not to worry about anything, except maybe to make that man happy..God, how tired i am to be strong..i am weak!!..i was working all these long years..but noone, even my friends or relatives or even mom, know about how tired i am, tired to take right decisions, not only for me, but for my family too..I don't want to have such a life my mother had...she is strong..stronger then was father..she has me..but who knows, maybe she wants all her life to be weaker, but she cannt find right man with whom she can be so..Now i meet my "daddy", and i am happy.I know that he loves me and will take care of me..and will take those difficult decisions..
It's interesting how my ideas about life change..he made me understand that all i knew about sex is nothing, and..you know, before think i was too brave..or maybe not too carefull with my life..I knew that if something will happend...only my mom will suffer..You know, today i took a taxi..and the driver was just 2 day on his work, and drove 90-100 km\hour in city..i understand i have to think about my daddy too..to take care of me and my life, for 2 the most important people in my life not to suffer.It's very nice feeling..it's like ..mmmm..responsability..before them, before people you love.

....You know...when i begin to write this diary, i wanted to write it for everyone, but mostly for the girls who whould meet american men.But....now i begin to understand its a bit out of topik what i am writing, cause...he isn't average american, whom i could to describe and whoes image is in our head..He do and think more like being cosmopolitan, he understands me, he proceeds and reacts as if he would be our nationality...but he is only in relation like this...and i love it!!!!!!in not private life he is just so ..patriotic..nice from him..So..i will tell you about my feelings and thoughts, but it will be far from understanding how will be average american in relation...so you should be aware of this.
I think ..when you are looking for a partner abroad, you should not to look just for any foreighner, but you need to think ..would i meet this guy if he would be of your nationality..Sometimes women, they think they can change themselves, or (even worse !!!!) their future husbands. Just realise that never!! hear me? never!!! you can change adult person, even if he is a man....if he is a village man...and you are city girl, so will like to live on a farm? and taking care of animals? even if it will be american animals....the life isn't so different i mean in main things.so you should be very very attentive..if you don't want your children to live separate families..It is the same in any country i think......Its..just normally people who are going to marry to have more or less the same habits, hobbies, ideas about children, life, place of women in family...it will be difficult even all these match, cause of missunderstandings,(bad level of english) or difference in cultures, but if you have some difference in main ideas about life..or sex..think such marriage will fail 100%.(for sure if partners not decide to live together for their children, but it is not good too.I lived such life..i saw scandals, fightings, and think for my emothional phsycologic health it would be better we to live apart if such situation happens)
And...you have not to think about ifs..."if it will be bad i can always divorse him...." No, if you have such doubts..you shouldn't do it..i mean if you are not sure..don't marry him ...wait till he makes you sure..
I...have such experience in my life..i dreamed about an ideal man, but i didn't know he exists...so i was thinking that i have already 24-25 years old, and i already need to have baby, and i need a man to do this baby with whom.So i meet one man, he was handsome, slim, not so strong..but I think stronger then me..and think ..i said why no? Sometimes people can take attraction for love...thay think about love..but it isn't.And only time can open them eyes. Now i am very happy that i had that bad experience and i didn't marry him, cause i never would meet Randy, or even if i would, it will be impossible for us to be together cause i cann't cheat my husband...even if i would realize i love another person..For me marriage it is very important thing..think God made things to happend like this, so i could meet Randy and be happy with him..
Do you know that tale that long before here lived big strong nice people, and some foe envy them and cut every man in 2 parts and mixed them..and now people will be happy only when they found their 2 half..I am sure 100% that we are 2 halves of big and nice person..and i know i will be happy only with him..

Hi..
I have such a nice day...It's great...everything..
I went to work, and I wasn't late, even If i had to take shower and clothes on in 20 minutes..Sure i didn't managed to make up and even to drink my favourite coffee((..But i did it at work..God...i love that man who descovered how to make this wonderful delicious drink..it fills me with energy and good mood.
Good cup of coffee makes my day better..Then.i began to do the plans for March..Its already the end of February, and Randy comes at the end of March so i wanted to make programming for nails and hair coloring before he comes..We were doing my plans with my assistant.So much fun I hadn't for a lot of time...
Actually it is for the first time i making plans for a month, i prefer to do this weekly..So..i wanted to make my nails and coloring and i wanted to go to the pool maybe because my body really needs it( its another my passion, the same as coffee)and i wanted to rest for 2 days before he come cause he will meet panda instead of me).But..when i was looking in calendar..i began to laugh..really..cause my sexy man comes on 28, and on 27 i am invited to a birthday party..and on 26 i have to go to another birthday party)) and straight after he goes back i will have to present near 30 financial statements, cause it will be the end of quarter)) and i don't know if i will be abble to think rationally after he will come..think i will need week adaptation period, i could take off those rose glasses i would wear...at least for a time i will be on work..
So i think i have to present some statements before he comes, or at least to prepare them..And i never will refuse to talk with him at nights..it makes me so happy..
All these plans..with assumtion that will be plus 2 birthdays at the beginning of March and 8 March..and trip to my father town to see his grave( its 4 years he is not with us((()so..think Randy makes my life to flow on a bit different, higher speed..and i like it..Maybe i am crazy? I feel a bit guilty today..i got used to come from my work say to Randy hi and sleep for 3 hours and speak with him the rest of the night..So today..i do the same..but when i wake up i understood it is already 8am....and realised that maybe he waited for me all night..felt a bit quilty...not just a bit, i think..
So we talk in the morning..it was nice..everyday i realize i love him more..mmm interesting..
I like him...think it is my dream to have such husband...he has so many common features with my grandfather and my father..Think i want such a husband my grandmother have..Grandfather is very big..high and strong and older and smarter...and my granny is alike small doll near him.He all their life protected her, loved her.Was for her father,brother, husband friend lover...everything..He is an ideal husband..Would he be with 40 years younger and not my grandfather I would marry him)))))))))))
Think my mother wanted the same husband..my father was big too, but not so strong as my grandfather..and he was very smart..but my mother was stronger..and the marriage failed(( maybe she still loves him, think she is, but she couldn't permit him to be near her as husband...too weak...
And back to me...reminding my exfriends..think i wouldn't be happy with any of them..maybe only with one? but i was too young at that time)).Its difficult for a tall girl to find a man who would be bigger, stronger and smarter then her.All my friens were sportsmen, very strong,..but usually I was taller(( and sometimes smarter..ad even stronger?))
But now..when i meet Randy..i feel he is just that ideal husband i want to have..but i don't really know how to behave with such a man..He is telling me that i am smart, but..everyone with whom i am meeting know that, and we don't really discuss the way i am thinking with them..maybe because they get used with this..thats why i was shocked he telling me compliments...or maybe..you know last 4 years i was busy first with my shop then with accounting, and i have not too much to talk with really interesting and smart people..think i know only one person here..that is smarter? or braver then me.Its my friend...but others..they have not really good education and they don't want to study...they are still good in other areas.My friend Sveta she is not so smart, but she is great mother and wife and cook..and she can talk with me about husband-wife relations..my assistant Kristina..she is also not so smart but she is very very sweet..and i like to talk with her.Think i get used to different persons and to take from them something from their experience..but such a person as Randy..it's really interesting to talk with him..ohh he is so patriotic))) not like me)) i would defend Russia more then Moldova )))..It's nice from him to love his country so much..Think he will have the same feelings about his family..
Oh..i forget to tell that in hurry i used another parfume...my mother uses this all her life..i feel like she is now with me..feel defended..nice feeling...Even if parfume doesn't really what i like...
Ok..i will write you later, i have to go to bank now..

Hi..I had funny and interesting night with my love..
Sure chatting..Have i told you that he is coming at the end of March?
I am happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But i understand the same time that i love him more then I even can imagine i could...And i don't really know if he understand how jealous i am...very jealous..I am not greedy, no, but inside me sits a proprietor who cann't permit to anyone took away his "prize".Even touch it..
We talk last night about his girlfriends, ex- i mean, i know that to be jealous to pastis silly , but a woman in his house??Think its just very very close to make me really mad..( I mean REALLY).Have you ever tried to take a one bone from a dog which is eating it?..Its practically the same feeleng...and i have enough strong teeth to protect my bone from anyone..
I don't know why he is doing this...maybe a kind of play, but thinks he never felt such emotions..I just adore him..and it so strong feeling that i afraid that it will burn me with the mix of passion and jealosity..
He is writing his blog too..Randy didn't gave me a link but he typed some citations from it...Its very sweet, but doesn't he know that i am too curious just to stay and to wait till the next chapter? Sure i found a site..where he is registered, didn't found out how to read his blog, because of lack of the time, but his profile i saw..Or maybe its another one site? Ohh, my god..its again that terrible feeling..who knows when i will fix it and react more or less calm on such things..maybe after we marry and have children i will be sure? you know like " Cezar's wife is over suspicion"..who knows..
we are talking about different things..but sometimes i feel like he would be laughing on me..))Asking me something, listening simple obvious answer and telling that i am so smart..everyone here knows the answer..he told he asked the same question to many other people, and i am the first who answered correctly...where does he live then? among the stupids?
Or he is just jokking?..cann't understand it..
But the one thing is very good and important for me..i understood how deep my feelings can be and that my previous "loves" are just shadows of real feeling.

Yesterday we talk with my love almost all the night.
I love him so much that became too dependable from him, from our night talks., he is my drug.
We talk about his girlfriends...I don't know how you would do, but i like to know with whoes ghosts i will compete in his heart and dreams.
He lived in Russia and Romania for some time and had some girlfriends here too...What can i say about them...Maybe it is not patriotic to say like this but the photo of his american or Chech girlfriends are much nicer...From two girls, he had in Russia I didn't like any..They as he said look like "village girls"..I never could understand according to what fashion are living people on countryside.They wear gipsy clothes and jewelry..doesn't they understand that this looks very cheap..Why their mother cann't show them what to wear and where..Even if there are not too much money you can buy something more modest, and it will look better..Better to buy one nice cloth more expensive, but that will underline your beauty, than 5 cheap clothes that will show your bad taste.
I have such girl at my work..We are living in Moldova but I am russian,so for me I thought that only moldavian village girls can wear such disgusting clothes..but this girl is Ukranean..and she speaks only russian..but in her style of clothes( if it is possible to call like this the way she is choosing clothes)..she looks like cheap prostitute.(Sorry).We tried somehow to influence her decisions about clothes..but even now she sometimes wear such clothes that you cann\t walk with her on the street..
So..where we stopped..about those russian girls he had..One of them had only 18..and he was much older.He could be her father even)..He made from this village simple girl more or less acceptable variant..on some professional photoes she looks very nice even..But..why dating village girl and investing in her if you just can find nice city girl with good manners..I just don't understand girl's mother.How could she let her small daughter to live!!! with such man..even she liked him and wanted him to be her daughter's husband.
Sure, he is very very interesting, charming, sexy..but still so big difference in age..Think my mom wouldn't let me do this in my 18..Sure now i am older, and i an living alone for 8 years, and in my family a lot of women married older men., so for this difference is not so big and noone can influence me..
except Randy...he became so big part of my life..
I know persons here, who proceeded like my future husband..they were finding nice poor village girls here, became the center of their world, buing them clothes, and other different things..but who knows in 2-3 years when she begin to look like as lady..will she be still with the same man, or she will find someone younger or richer, and man would be just first step in her carrier..
So..back to his girlfriens..to say that i like to talk about them I cann't but its interesting for me to understand how wide are his tastes.But to see how he is hugging them is so painful..Maybe I am wrong and i cann't be jealous to his past but I respect private property))) and want him be just mine..When i saw a collage made by her from 3 photoes..his, her and beautiful baby i became mad..very mad..Think he knows this and likes to see my emotions.
The girl from Chech republic...she is so beautiful that even i want her, not being lesbi)))she is sooo nice and sweet..I am a bit afraid he would compare us..But i know I will be better in all the ways)))But if i will see her near my Randy, I promise i will decrease her beauty for sure)))leaving her bold..
So, russian girls made me feel a bit ashamed for russian beauty, I will try to show him all our style, beauty, elegance and class.
So girls, please, if you read my diary and feel offended sorry for this.But who knows...maybe it will make to read some fashion magasines and to change something in you.Sure I am not the winner of world's beauty champion, i appreciate my appearance criticly, but think my husband will be proud to have such sexy and nice wife.

You know..its very interesting how ideas can change in 2 hours...
I came today from my work..made some sport exercise...and understood that i love Randy and will accept him as he are.We talk with him on Scype...god, its so unbelievable..we are almost the same...the same thoughts, words, lfe experience..sure he is older and knows more then me, but we feel the same...even our food tastes are the same)))I am so happy...and its spring now, like the whole world would show his love for us...I am smiling all the time..
I want to be his wife, mother of his children, his friend and lover..want to share with him every minute of all my life..
I like to talk with him about everything..
We talk yesterday about some problems that can arise in our life..visa problems, money problems...but i know that he loves me and will do everything to be with me. God, I love whole world.

A week it was just very very nice talks, i felt something for him, even i knew it will be difficult and also i try to be careful because of my previous experience...I just think that if something will go wrong i won't believe anymore a man.
After this week i became tired, very tired!!!I was working all the day, then all night talk with him...Think he don't understood till the end how difficult it was for me..i became nervous, and think less confident...maybe you will think that i am silly again but i deleted my profile from site maybe 3-4th day after we begin to talk..but he didn't..
I asked him to do, but he leaved it there..
i don't really understand him and even don't understand myself...
why didn't i stop to talk with him...?I don't know why..maybe because i love him already..
so i decided to forget about this his decision and to continue our relations
now ...after yesterday talk with him i don't know what to do.
He is sometimes so cruel..touching not really pleasant subjects...maybe its because of difference in cultures..
yesterday i cried for the first time because of him..
How he don't understand that women are weak..and he is strong
And..yesterday he bagan to talk with nme too aggresive, maybe he didn't notice this, but..
And he even knowing that i don't want to talk non that theme he spoke again again, asking me..waiting for answer..
you know i felt like he is testing me trying to see when i will stop him or to see my reaction on his words..
i don't know what to do
I love him so much, but i am afraid him not to hurt me..
I am dreaming about our future life, common children..
but i afraid..
i want to feel he really loves me..

I met Randy on marriage agency site.
I was surprised, he seem to be very interesting person, why he decided to make his profile, i thought, what was wrong with him, if he cann\t dind a girl where he lives?
My friends made me that profile, when i was in depression after break up with my boyfriend, or groom....Now i can only smile when i think how silly it was everything.
Ok, but we went far from our theme, I looked at Randy..he was big, high, nice and my friend Sveta asked me..why not giving him the chanse to cure my pain..
I ..accepted her proposal and wrote him back..
To say that i didn\t understand that his first letter was written to any girl i cann't, i knew it very very well, but i liked it, it was long.I thought"ohh, he spent so many time writing this letter, so he is more or less interested in relations with a woman, cause think everyone had typical one letter, which he sent to any girl he like.
So i wrote him back, and we began to corresponde..
For the beginning it was very amasing, he seemed to be cool man, but i just didn't understand him why he is free then..
Then..talking with him i began to understand why he is alone...
He is very very strong, he wants to be leader, sometimes you cann't tell anything back..think he is alike Stalin)))The same character..Think not every woman would like such person as husband..(I want to be with him and to have children, so babies, if you are reading this diary excuse if your father will be sometimes too strict)..but he wanted that his girlfriend to be perfect..actually he didn't tell this openly but i understood this from some of his phrases.

I am beginning to write this diary to share with everyone my feelings and thoughts and my dating