It's cold in the room - so cold that a slight cloud of steam leaves my mouth when I yawn. A short talk with my father left me deader inside than I was before - though it didn't spoil my mood
that bad... if there was anything to be spoiled, to begin with; since I can't actually remember having a mood recent weeks... or months already? Oh well, whatever, nevermind(c)
I just thought about what
he said he wants us to be. Just to be ourselves, that is. Similarity in being unique. Following our hearts, leaded by reason and experience - just for our own safety, you know. Self-destruction is only for those who deserve it, not for those who is able to
understand. If you're worthless - better die, for your own and for the world's sake. If you're - maybe just a dime - worth it, you're to survive - to live and to have an identity. Any identity you wish. Even if you choose to be weak - you are worth living because you managed to survive that teenage temptation that you - yourself - chose to experience.
I don't think he'd approve any of us getting drunk and meanwhile - pathetic on this day. As for me I've done many useful things today - which is probably not a big deal - but progress is a slow process - and when you work on it - without haste and revolutionary decisions yet methodically - it gives you self-respect - which is essential for any progress. Which fuels your very will to make some living - any living - it only must be the one that brings you satisfaction and - again - self-respect.
Any lifestyle is worth respect since it's a free choice of an open-minded person.
Unfortunately my society is still some eerie kind of feudal state where everyone is evaluated according to their appearance and status, not to their personal worth, that is achievements and potential. Dress-codes, personal connections, selective judgments and emotional approach to things which need common sense still play the leading part...
...but I don't care. People around me can play whatever games they like (or think they like); my father can say whatever he considers to be right (or wants it to be right) - I am not going to get drunk tonight nor am I going to let myself go mellow or whiny. I'm going to do what I am to do - and let it be what it's going to be.
