I prepare to leave my working place once again. To the begining of September-2016 I'll be in the same position as I have been in September-2015. Unemployed, hopefull and scared of unknown future. In the new city only with my husband next to me, my family and frends being left far away. Trying to find right place in the world, aiming to get exiting and at the same time not-badly-paid job, doing my best to keep house clean and comfortable for life. Practising to write and to speak English with myself...
Kind of difficult. Very scary. This is adult life with grown up problems. It is you who is to cope with all of them. Without parents, without their resourses, relying on yourself only. Because it's the time to move forward, to overcome weaknesses and become someone you've always wanted to be alike.
Telling the truth I've never desired to stop being a child. I like cartoons, dreams, weirdness and swings. But sometimes I forget about them because of money worries and stuff like: "what to cook tomorrow night?" I don't want to. But at the same time only these worries can make me feel free. I've taken resposibility for my life in my own hands and this deed gave me freedom. More freedom I've been ever able to bear. I hesitate a lot, waste plenty of time. Very often it seems to me I have no idea what am I doing and what is it all for... But anyway this is better than always be chained to parents will. For sure I love them, always listen to their advises, but now I have right to deside by my own without consequences in form of typical punishment like 2 weeks without computer or the Look of Contempt, which speechless says: "I've never thought I brought you up so stupid and silly to do what you have done"... I know, my parents always will stay authority without exception but through carrying adult life I gain the right to come as close to them as I could, to understand them and to become not just a child but a friend...
So what I've started this note with?... Whatever. Future scares but only when it is unknown and only unknown could bring opportunities one never even has been dreaming about. Hope, everything will be great. Hope, my friends and relatives will stay close to me. Hope my English doesn't suck that much.
Keep fighting!