Муж с женой едут на машине и ссорятся. Проезжая мимо деревни, видят пару свиней. Жена:
— Это, наверное, твои родственники?
— Да, теща с тестем.

— Моя девушка — прямо как мобила!
— Это как?
— Когда у меня нет денег, она временно недоступна.

— У вас есть счет в банке?
— Есть. Но он не в мою пользу...

Встретились двое:
— Что-нибудь крепкое?
— Нет, я не пью крепкое.
— Пиво?
— Нет.
— Курить?
— Нет, не курю.
— Может быть, женщину?
— Нет.
— Мужчину??
— Нет, спасибо.
— Но как же вы расслабляетесь?
— А я не напрягаюсь.

Парень с девушкой одни в квартире, парень пристает к девушке, она сопротивляется и говорит:
- Давай останемся просто друзьями.
- Хорошо, тогда давай сходим в ларек за водкой и снимем на вечер девочек.

— У нас дома все решает папа. А кто у нас папа — решает мама.

- Мне вчеpа жена говоpит: "Пойди погyляй с собакой". Hy, мы с Шаpиком и
погyляли... на 300 баксов.

Если на следующий день после пьянки ты чувствуешь себя хорошо, голова не болит и нет похмелья, значит пили позавчера.

- Я вчера сижу в Макдональдсе, забегают двое в масках, с пистолетами, и кричат: "Всем не двигаться, это ограбление!"... - И что? - А эти дуры: "Свободная касса! Свободная касса!!!"...

date w/ andrew went ok
actually we spend 3 hours in a lib.....(my first time lib from the begging of semester) talking to each other........
at the end......i let him kiss me on a cheek......we he always wanted to go for more....he ended up kissing me on both cheek like 10 times because i kept turning my head/mouth away from his lips

а завтра свидание с андрю

з.ы. уговорил сволочь

з.ы.ы. оля позвонила сегодня в пол первого ночи, а просто так, сцука у меня же сегодня реппетиция с утра

*are your parents terrorists? cuz your the bomb
*Are u wearing space panties?...........cause your ass is out of this world.
*Do you know how to play a game called Pearl Harbor? I just lay back and you blow the hell outta me.

today on the attendance sheet daniel wrote a plus between my name and his name.....oh.....how cute

and andrew text message me today(DAMN, this boy will never give up)
he wanted to see me today , but i was on my way home (actually - on my way to shopping, and NO one stops me from shopping ) and i replied "i am not in school today" and he never answered back........now i wonder......i was in school today, did he see me? want if he knows i am a lier..........errrrrr......

p.s. can't wait to get my bill for the phone service this month........i bet my whole check (for 2 weeks) will go to cover all those text message services that i used this month.........errr.....sick

i scheduled a date w/ andrew today but didn't go......
haha.........i am so bad....
i don't know, but the date was at 6 pm and at 5:45 pm i just didn't feel like showing up to it..so i went home...yelena said the guy that she was walking w/ today on the street, when we were passing by -likes me......oh how cute....he only saw me for 2 sec and already likes me....sweet....and now ka wai and victor think that i am pervert....haha.....cause i wanted to go to see bodybuilders show (guys walking in sexy underwear , possing for the audience) but missed it......and ka wai said :"Now i know what to give u for christmass, u little pervert girl, i will get u a calender w/ naked guys or guys in the uniform!" haha..........actually , i think is a great idea!
p.s. today was the last session in fro, finally ITS OVER........i WON"T miss u guys, yes i will NOT

"here comes the diva" -said symonne
"how many times per day, no per week peeple say you are beautiful?"- ah andy , andy

Для молодой женщины сон, в котором она расплачивается в ресторане сама, означает, что она никак не может определиться со своим отношением к мужчинам.

p.s. who would thought, dreams are a very powerful area to go to explore urself

he said he would think about it and call me back if he would be interested...........
its sunday and he still hasn't called ...........
i guess its over........
for sure now..........

its a crazy shopping day
i went shopping today w/ my parents..........who knew shopping w/ them could be so much fun.........i bought myself a black suit (jacket, skirt and a white silky blouse) and than a new flirty teal top........very cute
also today i went to see a new broadway play w/ olga......"a mother , a daughter and a gun" it was ok.........too much drama i think , but i did enjoy it.......allthough the whole theather was fool of old ladies.....i think we were the only two under the age of 30??
so i just came home, tired and decided to text message to daniel
since i promised him to call on thanksgiving, but didn't

me:" How was turkey?"

he:" it was ok, it would have been better if we had food together...."

me:" errr.....its a family holiday, i am sure u had fun......"
haha, .........he is such a flirt

he: " i did , but it still would be better w/ u"

we were supposed to go clubbing w/ dennis and his friends today but olga first she called me and invited me , than she called me and said - " i don't want to go" and as a result - i am not going too
fuck......
and oh yeah, happy thanksgiving........fuck

i think i know what the problem is - i am not in love

guys that you can bring home to mama

yesterday(actually today) at night spend almost 2 hours talking on a phone w/ andrew
the topic was: "should he persue me or move on to another chick"
at 12 pm i gave up......but before that i was standing strong and saying no........but man that guy doesn't take no for an answer........so i offered him my frienship and he though he will think about it ........and let me know if its something that he wants........he said i want a friend w/ benefits.........and that he likes me a lot..........a lot.........haha....will see if he calls me......

and so andrew did call me........
he left me a message "do you want to hang out, cause i am free this week"
haha.........he is so mine..........
he is so into me.........
i just feel sorry for playing w/ his heart.........i didn't know he likes me that much......
what a player am i..........
p.s. like irina said there is something quite strange........
thats it....i am not going to lunch/interview w/ jeff and his boss tomorrow....
there will be plenty of opportunities like that.........
and something doesnt' seems to be quite right ......besides he is married and still flirts w/ me.........assssssssssssssssss

yesterday in class

11:30 p.m.
-"u look nice, r u going out 2 tonight?"
-"Nope"
-"than whats the occasion?"
-"u" ......"doctor"......"gtg to work"

10:30 pm. "So how was work?"

He calles me............mom says he definately likes me.......he said he liked my first answer......haha......i was just practising my flirting

and today.....my fro sessions are almost over......i can't believe it.......and session 12 we are going to the library unlike all normal ppl who either don't have a class or PARTY,,..but no,.......we are going to the f... LIBRARY.........

Jeff left me a message........he said he talked to his boss and they want to see my resume......or either invite me to the dinner.......hm......i didn't get that part.... what is it going to be? another dead romance or will i really get a job at a really good company........don't know........besides i don't really like him.....but i like the company and i do want the job...........i am not sure what i should do.......i am really don't know .....should i give him my resume or just foget it and find the job on my own w/out anyones help (yeah , thats going to be tough especially w/ my resume)

and guess what Andrew never called back.......
well i guess he doesn't want to be friends w/ me.........
sad, i didn't want it to end this way,........but i've never wanted to date him anyway....

Идет зачет по произведению Л. Толстого "Анна Каренина". Студент долго и
нудно рассказывает о жизни Вронского. Преподаватель устал слушать.
- О герое романа вы рассказали достаточно. Теперь расскажите о героине.
Студент оживляется.
- Героин - сильная вещь. А почему вы об этом спрашиваете?

p.s. today everyone thinks i look special cute....maybe its
because i have red sweater and red nails.........cute.......yes

Бракоразводный процесс:
судья: Скажите, жена, зачем вы решили развестись?
Жена: он меня не устраивает
Женская половина залла: Всех устраивает, а ее не устраивает
Мужская половина залла: А ее никто не устраивает

yesterday was mad fun
first me and olga went to the broadway show "naked boys singing"
they were totaly naked.............
right in front of us,........cause we were sitting in a g row
first it was shocking, but than it was so cool......we so got used to seeing 10 boys totaly naked , shaking their things infont of us, that we might consider going to that show again......its really worthwile .....and there were lots of ppl there........
than, ok we went to toys store on 42nd, than sephora....(our favorite) and than we walked for a couple of blocks and than decided to have a tea in starbucks......so we were waiting for dennis call........me promised to take us out and pick us up......but that ass couldn't make it........arrrr......olga got upset.....and me? haha , i didn't want to see him anyway......so i was even happy that he didn't show up........but yes a little bit mad inside....no one likes to get laid......but it was olga who got laid.....he didn't promise me anything..or called me......
ok than we decided to go to eat......well i wanted to go home, but she didn't so she convinced to me to go to eat at the union square restaurant........the one that she wanted to go we couldn't get in, so we run into some new restaurant that was right at the conner......happend to be a fucking vegeterian place!!!!!!!! olga really got mad....cause she was so hungry ........and wanted to eat so much....but there was nothing on the menu besides green leaves , soy beans and soup out of cabbage....she ordered soy turkey sandwich, but she was so mad that the sandwich fell out of her hands on the flour......and she ended up w/ nothing.....and i ordered banana pie....it was the most discusting thing......cause it was made out of wet outmeal w/ some smashed bananas and peanuts......errr........after that we took train home....we talked a lot about my life and her life........and it was fun......we laughted........we had fun w/ out guys!!!

9:15 am...... econometrics.......
"I can't return ur tests back , b/c i was releasted from the hospital just yesterday"
"One of my best friends, he took my class 3 times , send me flowers to the hospital and still ended up w/ a C"
"There is a shame in being happy alone"
Amazing..........

funny, andrew send me email at almost 2 am about Georgian wines...........
we are no longer friends.........