To Elmira

Среда, 20 Июня 2007 г. 13:37 + в цитатник

I'm writting this post to you, Elmira.
Whenever we talk on the phone, smth else is going in my mind and around me. And I can never talk for real.
Officially we are going home at the end of July, we: me and Leysan. Weird. Like I told to Louie I think I'll turn back at the airport. It scares me somehow, cuz I can really do it. Today we were packing our clothes and staff and I felt that I'm going to Russia, just for a little moment. Scary feeling, not fun. Actually it is not so killing to go to ower own country, right? We just used to love this one a little bit more, just a little bit.
I am waiting for miracle. I refuse to think and analise, I give up and give a chance to a miracle. If I am doomed to stay here, smth will happen. And I will stay.
There are some good opprtunites coming up if I stay, but it's not what i am waiting for, it's not what will make it easy for my mother. She is waiting and I can't break her heart. I don't want to, it was broken a couple of times already. I know how it feels. I can heal mine, got an experience and enough strength.
It isn't SO bad to go back. It would be fun to stay here. Both ways are good in their different ways, in both cases it's gonna be an amount of pain. I prefer to be hurt than to hurt anybody else. I know that it sounds pathetic, but it's a simple truth. May be u have to be a really strong person to live with an idea that u r hurting a close carrying person, may be u have to be a pig. I am not the one to judge
Let's the miracle to be:)

Freeeak обратиться по имени Среда, 20 Июня 2007 г. 18:41 (ссылка)

let it happen...

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ELMIRA_GL обратиться по имени Четверг, 21 Июня 2007 г. 07:14 (ссылка)

June 20, 2007.
Proshlo ne malo ne mnogo 2 goda zhizni zagranicei, 4ego tol’ko ne bilo, skazhesh’ ti, gde tol’ko mi ne bili, pribavlyu ya … - Povzrosleli – Ugu. – Podnabralis’ opita – Esh’e kakogo. “Zhist’” celaya proshla. “How old are you now?” – they ask. “23, -I will answer and add afterwards, - yes, Old and Wise..” Da ni hrena ne old I daleko ne wise. 23 vsego 23.
Gulnaz, zhiz’ zhe vsya vperedi!!!! S kakih eto por nam stalo vazhno gde? Paru let nazad i v Indiyu i v Turciyu I v Indonesiyu, kakaya raznica kuda – menyat’ mir, menyat’ okruzheniye, vpered vpered v poiskah priklu4eniy.
Ideya, odna prostaya ideya zastavlyala letat’, vlamivatsya v dver’ direktora Hleb – zavoda, motatsya v poiskah grafferov v 4 4asa utra, zabrosit’ u4ebu I sozdavat’, sozdavat’ proekt… uh vsego tol’ko I ne pere4islish… Gul’naz, v tebe potenciala na vse strani mira. Takiye ne sidyat v ofisah, takiye, dokazivayut, takiye hlopayut dvermi, takiye prosto idut vpered.
Rossiya, America, da kakaya k 4ertu raznica, glavnoe entuziazmu ne teryat, glavnoe 4tobi s naslazhdeniyem kazhdogo momenta, glavnoe s uverennostyu.
A svoboda, dorogiye gospoda roditeli, uzhe nikuda detsya ne smozhet. Odnazhdi otkushevav, deti vashi inogo sposoba sushestvovaniya znat’ ne zahotyat, da I ne dudut.
Slozhno budet, bezumno.
Sei4as ne legko, oi kak ne legko.
Krisha uzhe priobrela privi4ku medlennogo s’ezzhaniya.
V polosti zheludka postoyannoye napryazheniye.
Mozhet pere4itat 4ernishevskogo “4to delat?”, mozhet pomozhet.

Elmira

V zhizni ne vazhno, otkuda I kuda ti idesh, vazhno lish to, budesh li ti s4astliv v puti. (pomnitsya i takoe)

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Feb_eto_ona обратиться по имени Четверг, 21 Июня 2007 г. 18:14 (ссылка)

пиздец