I dont know what to do with myself.

I love you.
love you.

I hate you.
Hate you.

I dont know !

You know... it's the blood.
It's the feeling of the knife in my skin.
It's the pain that come's after.
It's the feeling I could die.
It's the only way to forget.

It's the only thing that I control.

Again. And again.

Help me.

I'm cutting.
I'm sorry. But I have to do it so I could smile.
So I could feel the pain and not feel you.

I'm sorry.
But I have to do it.
So I will be able to smile.

Sorry.

Now I'm with the razor in my hand.
I want to cut.
Deep.

To feel lil'bit of death.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's sharp.
The skin near the vain's is thin.

Good feeling.

Sorry.

But I deserve it.

I'm destructive.

I dont know this feeling.
It's new to me.

I dont want to cut.
I dont want to bleed.
I dont want to die.
I just want to smile.

Just sleep.
But for long time.

And you. One night.

You remember me.
Your eyes, with mine.
To much time that way.

You asked me to be with her, she feels bad.

But you looked at me.
That, I cant uderstend.

When we walked you told me that you didn't forget.
You told me that.

You told the must painfull thing.
"You remembet last winter?
You remember whan we where walking to your home?"


Do you thing I could forget?

No I can't.


I dont know what to do now.
Help me please.

"I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get b

Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance
This is the way they'd love if they
knew how misery loved me"

----------------------------------------------------------

Emo.

This is me.

That is where I am.

No way out.

Endless dark.

Can I just go back for one night.
One night.
Last winter...

Come back to you.
For one night.
Just one night.

And then come back, and see what's changed.

One night.
With you.

One night.
That's all I'm asking.
One night.
Your hug.

One night.
Just one.

With you.
You.

Please make the pain go away.

I saw you.
Your smell.

I hate you.
HATE YOU !

I'm doing the same mistake again.
AGAIN.

I hate myself.
I HATE MYSELF !

I want to cut. To bleed. To end this.

But I cant.
It's to cruel to do it. My freind's & boyfreind will be broken.

Nothing. I cant help myself.

Sorry.
Sorry.

It's all YOU !

Just leave me alone.
Say you hate me too.
So I could die, and I want hurt everyone.

I want to be strong but I cant.
Please leave me alone.

This diary, it's my weakness.

When I feel that I'm going down again. I write here.

So here it goes again.

I thought that I'm happy.
But.

But. Somthing want allow me to be happy.

Maybe its my past.
Maybe its you.

May because I saw you. That hurt's.

Sorry.

I not allowed to be happy.
It's not me.

I'm used to feel that way.

Hurt's.

Cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut.

But my hand already hurts.

No more.

But...

Again.
Leave me alone.

..

sorry jenny.

..

How much can I take?

Will it stop?

Pain.

...

*InLove*

I tired of this endless dark.

Endless dark.

Stop it please.

No light.