В колонках играет - Marimba Plus

Настроение сейчас - гадость

How is it posiible to be so messed up? Maybe it is really the true that smb put the evil eye on me? Like some strange woman near the subway said.. I know it's their business to trick such idiots like me for money or anything.. But really? I'm one of the most luckless people on this planet. Everything is just not working. And I don't know what to do(

I want so many things.. but as time passes I am starting to believe that I am not made for them. There will be a moment on the edge when I don't want them anymore because it is so much easier not to want than to want and never get. Or more - to get them and be disillusioned.

And this stupid cruel winter.. Cold in the inside, cold on the outside. Does everything have to be so hard? Why can't things be easier?

Loneliness is fine like Jon Crosby sang.. But is it?

 

В колонках играет - silence

Настроение сейчас - That's so easy - desperate

How could fate be so damn ironic?! How is it possiple to put such a strong need to understand and to help people in such a stupid person who does everything not to let other people come closer than on a km?

Life is so damn ironic, isn't it? I hate my thoughts that come with the night. And tears. Too damn desperate.

 

В колонках играет - Editors
Настроение сейчас - cooooooooold

It's true that whatever happens with us changes us. Whatever happened with us made us who we are now. Probably if you hate somebody you'll try not to be like this person and i really hope it can be a success. So should i thank the person who i hate for having qualities that i despise if she kind of helped me become who i am? Even if she did it by being a selfish bitch or by non-existence in my life? I hope i'll never become like her.

Ok, let's assume that i'll never become one. That i'll become a selfless and generous person. It is good if i am able to use this selfless generosity. I don't know.. to save somebody.. to help somebody. In this way it does have sense, but if i am not? For what was it all? If circle doesn't close?

Damn, too much shit in my head.

В колонках играет - Линда

Настроение сейчас - Шикарное

It's funny. You can be obsessed with morality and all moral shit. You can be even considered as a very good generous person but in some moments you understand that you are not better than any other person. Everybody lies.

I lie to my mother when i'm taking her money and acting as though everything is normal. And i hate her every minute of my damn life.

I lie to my great-grandmother when i don't tell her many things because i can't stand her critics and disapproval any more.

I lie when i don't say things that matter because i am too afraid to be wrong.

I lie to myself when i'm acting as though i don't care.

Every day I lie to each person who asks me how am I doing.

I lie to myself when i convince myself that i want to live... or not?

 

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В колонках играет - VAST/Interpol
Настроение сейчас - Замерзшее

It is interesting how are people changing during their life. Or staying the same.. Which things matter? It's kind of funny when somebody wants something badly but everything inside him does everything not to let him get it. Yeah, funny. And sad. It doesn't make any good to delve into your past, but how to stop?

Hate destructs, doesn't it?

How to learn what do you really want? If everything you have is doubt.

How to live if you don't want to? If you barely find the things to live for?

Yeah, miserable existence.

 

No comments.

 

 

В колонках играет - Chicane - Autumn tactics
Настроение сейчас - indefinite :)

Интересно, что лучше - потерять или никогда не иметь?

В колонках играет - ATB - Fall Asleep

Does your past influence you? Hm, stupid question. Of course it does. But where is the line between real influence and using your past as an excuse?
If your childhood was let's say .. not good and you feel bad because of it. Can you blame it for being a not normal person? No, not a psycho or some mad killer. Just not normal in society, not being good in communicating with people, making friends etc.. When a normal person finds it natural to speak to people or chat you have something inside that block this natural feeling, you are always afraid to say smth wrong..like you're afraid of making some stupid mistake. Maybe the fear that people will think about you smth wrong (like as they don't :)) is too strong in you.

About relationships with men.
If you didn't have a father would it put you in an awkward position in them? If mother's boyfriends were not so interested in having parental relationships with her child? And let's say mother wasn't interested in having parental relationships with her child either? Maybe it has an influence on a person's opinion on how much do other people need him? And in this case I'm afraid it is zero need. Perhaps a person doesn't think he'll be needed by anyone, both female and male.

But with male the situation is more difficult as the person doesn't have much experience in communicating with them.

So where is the line?

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Sun Gangs Some say you'll never be gone forever some say there's music where you go I've no faith in my heart tell two apart ocean above from sky below Where I am going you can't save me Don't wake me honey for love nor money I have no more I can pay 'til we're here alone and the seeds have been sown and night returns to break the day Where I am going you can't save me Where I am going you can't save me, yeah Seed a dreamin boxed a screamin the world to love the right to know Now I hear violins/ence(?) out from the silence don't want me love? then let me go Where I am going you can't save me Where I am going you can't save me Where I am going you can't save me, yet

В колонках играет - Armin Van Buuren & Sharon Den Adel - In And Out Of Love
Настроение сейчас - Заложенное

Как же я счастлива, что дома!! Ну, на 90 %)

Никогда не отдыхайте в Алании!! Это клоака. Зато я была счастлива вернуться домой... Во всем, как оказалось, есть свой плюс :)
А в Сочи было дико весело!! Персональное спасибо el viento contrario и всем, кто там со мной был.

Так странно, уже послезавтра 1 сентября.. Осень, учеба (интересно на каком курсе?), новые впечатления, а лето машет лапкой на прощание. Интересно, что нас ждет в новом "учебном" году: что-то новое или хорошо забытое старое?

Уже намечается парочка проблем. Правда, до них еще далеко.

И вообще не так уж нас все плохо) Почитайте "Победитель остается один" Коэльо или посмотрите третий сезон Торчвуда.. Вот там все действительно ОЧЕНЬ плохо

Ах да!! Кими сегодня выиграл в Бельгии!!!!! Вот оно счастье :)

В колонках играет - VAST - Lost | Desert Garden
Настроение сейчас - Дискомфортное

Нет, ну конечно, понятно, что каждому надо что-то свое.. А как найти свое? Как достичь гармонии с собой? Чего-то добиться или наоборот что-то исключить из своей жизни?

Вот сижу я бессонными ночами перед компьютером, беспрерывно пью чай и ищу ответы на свои вполне бессмысленные вопросы, на которые в принципе может и ответить нельзя..

Смысл жизни? Кхе-кхе. Это понятие уже заезженно так, что уже живого места не осталось.

Как-то все опять паршиво. Хотя ничего вообще-то и не изменилось.. Интересно, почему в один момент - паршиво, а в другой - полет беспричинного счастья?

Сложно все как-то. Хотя, это скорее я все усложняю.

Через неделю - в Сочи) В поезд хочу, а вот в Сочи.. Во мне почему-то живет стойкая уверенность, что ничего хорошего меня там не ждет, по крайней мере, вначале.

Результаты из Лондона еще не пришли.. Так что, что мне прогнозировать: карьеру гениального экономиста или не менее гениального дворника, я не знаю.

Ах, эта чудесная неизвестность.. И с тобой хорошо, а без тебя еще лучше..

Тоска загрызла, крыса..)

Персонально Кире: Как вы там?)) Ты не думай, что я по тебе не скучаю.. Просто корректно даю вам время и пространство, чтобы насладиться жизнью.. А вообще-то очень скучаю. Хотя в Сочи мы возможно дружно дойдем до военного положения :))

319 слушали 3 копий [+ в свой плеер]

В колонках играет - Atb - One Million Miles

В колонках играет - Moby)
Настроение сейчас - Замечательное

Why hotel? a variety of reasons, but here's one of them... hotels fascinate me in that they're incredibly intimate spaces that are scoured every 24 hours and made to look completely anonymous. people sleep in hotel rooms and cry in hotel rooms and bathe in hotel rooms and have sex in hotel rooms and start relationships in hotel rooms and end relationships in hotel rooms and etc and etc, but yet every time we check into a hotel room we feel as if we're the first guest and we get very upset if there's any remnant of a previous guests stay. something about this idea, that these intimate spaces are wiped clean every 24 hours, fascinates me.that we enter a hotel room and it becomes our biological home for a while and then we leave. in some ways it's similar to the human condition.

we exist and we strive and we love and we cry and we laugh and we run around and we sleep and we build things and we have sex and then we die and, not to sound too depressing, the world is wiped clean of our biological presence. which, from my perspective, makes our brief biological time here all the more precious due to it's relative brevity. hotels, in specific, fascinate me in that so much effort is expended to maintain a perfect neutrality.

and my hope in this record is not to celebrate or represent the vacuum-like neutrality of an empty hotel room, but rather to represent the part of the human condition that compels us to lead big and expansive and messy biological lives.i'm fascinated by the airless and lifeless neutrality of so many man-made spaces (empty airports, empty lobbies, empty office buildings, etc), but i don't feel like making music that is airless and lifeless because i also really like people and the messy miasma of the human condition and i want to make messy, human records that are open and emotional. because, whether i like it or not, i'm messy and human, too(even though like all good sci-fi geeks i do occasionally wish that i was a robot). have i said too much? should i err on the side of cryptic and esoteric explanations?

well, this explanation is neither cryptic nor esoteric, so there you go. and that's why the record is called 'hotel'. thanks, and i hope that you like what you hear.

moby

Sometimes it seems that music is the only thing that makes me still alive...

В колонках играет - VAST

Every time that I cry out
No one ever comes to me
Every time that I reach out
No one ever rescues me

I wish I could hide from everyone
Is there somewhere else to be
Is there somewhere else to be
Take me in
I want out
That's all I need

I wish I could run from everything
Is there somewhere else to be
Is there somewhere else to be
Take me in
I want out
That's all I need

В колонках играет - Archive - Again

Наверное,это невероятно приятно - раствориться в другом человеке......