For celibacy:

A Message from the American Pharmaceutical Foundation
from Prairie Home Companion, http://phc.mpr.org

(GK: Garrison Keillor, TR: Tim Russell, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith)

GK: The Rev. Stephanie Hellekson tells how she made the transition from seminary to a small church in the suburbs:

SS: I look back on seminary as the most exciting years of my life --- years of intellectual ferment in a community of people passionate about their work. I knew that when I came to Bethany Lutheran as associate pastor, there would be changes. But I was not prepared for how conservative these people are and how they expect Christmas and Easter and Reformation Sunday and the Mother-Daughter banquet and the Father-Son banquet and the annual meeting to be exactly the same as they've always been. And yet nobody ever tells you what they really think. If you ask, they just say, Sure. Fine. People look at the tops of their shoes and say, it's very nice. No problem. I was desperately unhappy here for the first year or two, and then I learned to accept these people for who they are. And I started using drugs.

TR: Yes, if you're not using drugs now, maybe you should be. Pharmacology is making vast strides every year. Every month, amazing new drugs come out. For things you may not have been aware were wrong with you.

GK: But how do I know which drugs to take?

TR: Ask your doctor which ones he's taking and if he seems okay, try some of those.

GK: But I've always been afraid of taking drugs.

TR: They have medication to help you get over that.

GK: Can drugs really help?

TR: Of course they can. It's only a matter of getting the right ones. Find a long weekend when you don't have to operate a motor vehicle for a few days and experiment with a few. One of them is bound to make you feel much much better.

GK: How do I know if I need medication?

TR: If you need to ask, then probably you do.

GK: I do?

TR: Yes. It's like this. Life is hard. We all know that. It's like trying to climb up the outside of your house using suction cups. At the American Pharmaceutical Foundation, we say: why not just use the stairs?

GK: Pharmacology, it's making life easier to swallow. One pill at a time. A message from the American Pharmaceutical Foundation.


(c) 2001 by Garrison Keillor