I was so excited and happy just about 3 minutes ago.
Not a lot of homework... and tomorrow is my birthday!!!!
It's rainy outside but I don't care...
My host Dad came to me and said - you owe me some money. It tured out my telephone bill is $55 more then they had expected... Sh*T! I'd better go shopping and spend this much money having fuN! pffffffffffffff!

i'm going home on the 30th of June..............

Today it's been 4 MONTHS since i'm here, in America.
My birthday is coming... Yesterday I got a package from my parents. I won't open it before my birthday.
Yesterday sighed all the cards... Cryed for a while... Kind of sad and happy. It's a wonderful feeling to write cards for people who you love more them your life... Your best Friends.. parents... sister... It's like you already know that in a couple weeks all these people will read these cards and smiling, thinking for a while about u.

Last night I was watching a movie with Trevor and two of Ashlyn's friends.
I wasn't gonna ask them to turn on the subtitles for me nut Amber did. Jason said Ashlyn that he hates subtitles. She said she hates them eather. I heard them - turned around and said if you don't like subtitles - turn them off! Jason said - no, we won't, so will be able to get every word. He said it with such a tone!!! Pff!!! I got so mad! But was just sitting and watchig this stupid american movie anout two guys who are not gays decide to merry each other... What could I do in this situation?!

Changed my design. Do u like it?

Happy First Snow!
Here in Stafford we had our first snow. Everyone in school got so crazy about it!!! Unbelieveble! Just like they haven't ever seen it before!
Before classes and during the lunch SNOW you I could here every other second! Seriously! It is the the most often used word of the day!
At school everything was fine. Got my 100% on Business Law test and feel proud of myself. Everyone says it's the most boring class ever but it usually makes me feel better... because after all the studing.. all the casses... and vocablory words .. i get my grade.
I got out of school an hour earlier. Everybody was really excited about it. I don't really understand it. Just one hour..
People were doing snowfights on the parkinglot after school. In my opinion there wasn't that much snow to play with.
OK. I want to go to bed. I'm so tired.
PS I ate shrimps today (we went to a restaurant coz it's my host Mom's birthday) Sometime I feel like I'm sick of American food. At first it was more exciting though.

I just came home! and it's almost 9pm. All because of this play. The performanc is on the day after tomorrow and 2 following days.

Yesterday was the worst day ever. I was so upset that I'm not with my dear Dashiko. I was going to call her... but when I came home from school it was 4 in the morning there...
I still sick. It's so bad coz me chorus performance in on my birthday. And I have a solo. I don't want to messed it up!!!
My birthdays.... oh... it's so sad. It's not goning to be like it always was...
All my life at my birthday in the morning when i wake up my parents and later Liza was there.. giving me presents.. selebrations... now these are just memorries............. =(
Nobody will be sitting on my bed in the morning on December 11th. I'm sure.

I'm sooooo tired and upset. Well, sort of...
M and I broke up today. This morning. I feel so bad about it.
I wanted to go to prom with him...
I wanted to be with him at my birthday party...
I wanted him to show me everything around... we shared so many great moments.
I wanted to be with him at Christmas...
I wanted this kinda relations. Long and permanent!!! Coz he's such a great guy!!!!!
It was supposed to be our anniversery in 3 days! 2 MONTHS ANNIVERSARY.

He ruined it. I don't blame him... i understand.
But at first I felt like it hit me in the face!!!!

I'm not really heartbroken... or somthing. But I miss him already.

Настроение сейчас - awful... I need tea... or coffe.... anything hot!... i'm falling apart

I don't feel well. I cought a cold, now feel so siiick... Want to stay home, but I have to go to the Holiday tea (AFS meeting). Everyone will tell about their awesome naional holiday. I'll talk about Maslenitsa.. Not sure if I spelled it right, anyway..
Yesterday I was at school, from 1 to 5:30 pm. !!!! Stupid play! Drama teacher wants us to stay after school till 8!!!! he's NUTS!!! with some extra nuts on the top! It's crazy!
Well, at least I really like what i' doing.
Toefl is soon. Studing..... Read the book and listening to cds. I hope it'll help. I'm gonna freak out. Fell scared already.
Yesterday M picked me up from school and we went out to get some food, I was starving!!!! Coz I had just breakfast. Afret we went to Hallmark and othe shop to buy some cards. I didn't have a chance to do it before, hosts are so busy(((( But I'm really thankful to M.

I want to stay in bad all day... I gotta go((((((((

I've seen my Mama in my dream last night. It was a wonerful, a very nice dream. It's magical, it's the only way I can see her now, pictures don't count, coz theyre not real... well, dreams are not real eather... anyway..

The craziest day ever.
When my teacher asked me today am i ok and i said the whole day sucks... she started laughing. She said that i'm talking just like an american. HA! funny.
It was the worst days ever. I don't want to tell you all the bad stuff, because I've just stopped being mad at verything and everyone... ect.
In the car (when M took me home, he had track practice and I had my drama play until 5) I told him how everything's falling apart and feels like i screwed everything up.... etc. he told me that everything is gonna be fine. I was mad at him too, because he didn't show up in the morning - his car broke down...rrrr, damn car! - he said we need to talk, and he was quite serious. He said we'll talk in the morning.
I don't know where I got this idea that he's gonna break up with me, but never mind. Probably coz I think it's gonna end really bad, but i'm not talking about it right now.
I said we should talk now. He said tomorrow is better coz it's a long talk probably.
He started talking. I was listening.
He was talking about everything that makes him so busy (today, actually wasn't the 1st day I got mad at him) track and his work. told me who are his friend are angry because with them tht much anymore... and it's not because of me. bla-bla-bla... he apalogised. I could be even a little mad at him anymore. I know that's all true, I can see him trying to figure everything out. See him upset when he comes later then me to school in the morning... etc. Usually he's never sad! never!
Then he made a pause and said: I love you. You know it, right?
I was so shocked. The moment before I was so afraid that maybe I'll accidently tell him that to make him feel better.
I said - finally - I guess I do, well, you didn't tell me. He said should I? (well, everything's cleam. 1 other time you can see how guys are different from girls. Girls are saying what they feel, guys just do nice things for girld and assuming that girls CAN READ THEIR MINDS!!!!)
It is so unbelieveble!!!
It wasn't a usual love scene from the movie and feels real, he was talking about it some more, but it was so hard to concentrate.....
PS:Msaid ever... this kinda reminded me of e.... my first love... how he said forever .... and it didn't really last that long. I'm still so sad that love is over.

Настроение сейчас - freaking out (a little)

1) Thinking about M.
Everything is perfect. When I look at him sometimes (when I actually don't want to) I can see what is gonna happen. We'll break up. I was told not to be attached to anybody. I think he's in love with me. Oh, he's great. But there are two different people when I'm with him and without him. When I'm with him I feel happy and safe, and like somebody cares about me. Coz this is nice. I feel like we can talk about anything. I feel like I know him. Sometimes I can tell what he might say. He's so optimistic. I've seen him upset just once, he always make me smile....
I don't want to be hurt. Later probably it's gonna happen, but, thanks God, not now. Now I can be happy, just for a while.

2) thinking about my birthday. It's in two weeks! I'm so confused... it's so incrediable.

3) thinking about Dasha and Jenya. They have their own dramas in their lives and I often feel sad that I sometimes have no idea what's going on with them even when I read their diaries... Well, at least they know that I love them so much and think about them every single day...

4) my Mom... and my Dad... And my dearest little sister........ oh. no comments. Can't believe they are moving in the new house. Ok!!! Changes in everything! Why it can't be like it used to be!? I don't mean the house. I mean... I mean.... all the great memories.

5)my life. and who I am now. Am I different now? well, guess not so much. Just everything is so different around me.

6) about love. What is love? is there a love? anywhere? does it exist? sometimes it seems when you're in love... but later it turnes out to be only illusion. Is it just an idea from magazines, movies, books?
Probably someone simply laughted at us, maybe somebody just made it up! who knows the answer?

7) question of the day: if the love is not real, if it's just an illusion, what is the longest time it can last?!
what do you think?

8) I'm absolutely afraid of the situation that might happen. We'll just have to break up if this will happen, of course. I fact... well... this is my logic. don't laught!
We're together (close or smth like this) -> I'm happy -> we're talking about stuff, nonsence... -> he'll kiss me (hug me or smth like this -> I can stop thinking -> this would be bad!!!! -> I might say I LOVE YOU! -> we'll break up................ or if he'll tell me I LOVE YOU -> we'll break up.
hm... I don't think that a T-shir with "somebody in Stafford, Va loves you" really means that he's in love with me.
Jeeeeez, i'm going crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

too many thoughts for me,.... so I can share


I DON'T WANT TO BE

boring... yes, it's monday!
Got my grades today, so i'm supposed to be happy. But i'm not for some reason.
It's not cold outside... I want snow! Just a little bit! pls...
Weekend is over. Yesterday I went bowling. It was fun.... and I won =)
Why all the weekends are so short?! I need a break! Next week I'll have holidays. But only 5 days!!!! hummmm... Don't think that's enough.
Tomorrow I'm going to the trip with FBLA, with my school. It will be all day after school. On 26th - another one. We'll go to the court house, hope it won't be that boring i think it is.