- (устало) Bell Sympatico technical support. Stanislav speaking. How can I help you?
- ...What's your name?
- Stanislav.
- Sfamishvab?
- Stanislav!
- S... P... D?
- No, sir. S. T. A. N. I-
- Whoa! Whoa, buddy! I'm not a typewriter, hold on. S, T, A, N. Stan... Then?
- Just Stan is ok.
- Why didn't you tell me so before?!?
- (сухо) Can we proceed with the problem please?
- Not yet. Do you have an extension?
- No, sir, but I do have an agent code.
- (пишет) What is it?
- 7651.
- Okay. Now. I hope you WOULD NOT hang on me like your previous colleague did. Because he's an asshole, and I hope you're not.
- Sir, while I'm sorry about the other agent and I do undestand your problem and your concern of being helped, I will not do such a thing. If the line gets cut, I will call back. I just need to pass the security procedure first to get your phone number.
- Yes, no prob. It's 519 err *** err ****.
- Can I have your b1 Sympatico User ID first please?
- (зло) No! You don't need it. I gave you my phone number!
- Okay. Just a second please...
- ...
- Your name please, sir?
- David Jones.
- Could you confirm me your address?
- It's in there!
- Yes, but could you do it please?
- Fine! (шепчет) ...fucking stupid... **** ******* street, *****, Ontario, postal code *** ***.
- Thank you. Give me a moment, please.
- ...
- Okay sir, so, what does the problem seem to be?
- Yeah! Could you get me the Dell tech support now?
- Sir, you must understand that while we also are technical support, we only do transfers within the company limits. We cannot transfer you to another company, Mr Jones, but I can-
- (сухо) Who's your manager today?
- I can offer you their number so you could-
- Hey, shut up! If you disregard me, I'll get you fired, got it? I asked you a question!
- Yes?
- ...
- ...
- (флегматично) Give me your manager please.
- Mr. Jones-
- NOW!
- Sir, I-
- No! I wanna speak to him NOW! You're fucking useless to me!
- If you just let me finish the sentence...
- DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME, FUCKTARD? I. WANT. TO. SPEAK. TO. YOUR. SUPERVISOR!
- Mr. Jones, seeing as you're starting to disregard our company and, consequently, my place in it, I will not pass you to the upper scale unless you let me speak properly.
- ...
- ...
- Yeah, go ahead.
- As I was-
- But if it's ANOTHER bullshit, I DON'T want to hear it!
- ...As I was saying, we do not control the outer transfers that do not belong to Bell Sympatico and, unfortunately, neither me, nor my supervisor, not any employee of the upper scale, will NOT be able to help you more. The ONLY thing we can do for you is to provide you the number for Dell technical support, who is ALSO open 24/7, so you would be able to call them by yourself as of right now. No problem on that.
- (постепенно повышая тон) Okay. Listen up. Right now I'm driving home, 'kay? I'm not even home yet! And what the FUCK do you want me to do? Give me a number I can't write down right now and let me call them all by MYSELF?!? What the hell?! I can't dial and write and drive and talk at the same time... (изрывает голос) And my battery is down... Seriously now, man! WHY ARE FUCKING TORTURING ME HERE? Can't you guys pass me to your boss?! It's the SECOND time I'm calling this shit!.. Oh, really!.. You know what? I'm canceling my whole internet thing with you! RIGHT NOW! RIGHT HERE! Fuck you, people...
- Sir, I would ask you to-
- I'm gonna go to Roger's! You heard me!
- While we respect your opinion sir, it's not tolerable by agents like me and our company to be treated in the-
- Shut up!.. What's that number?
- It's 1-800-DELL, Mr. Jones.
- ...
- ...
- Sorry?
- (вздох) One. Eight hundred. D-
- See? That's another bullshit I don't want! You're disrespecting me right now! You know what? I'm going to make a complaint about you and you're going to lose your job, seriously. Pal, YOU ANNOY ME!!!
- ...
- Hello?
- Do you want the number or not?
- Fuck God, YES!
- Okay, so it's 1-800-DELL.
- What? 1-800-DELL? D, E, double L? You're kidding me?
- Sir, it's-
- NO, but! You're FUCKING kidding me or what? It's one eight hundred DELL! Fuck! I could've called that like FIVE MINUTES AGO! In fact, I even had it right here! (что-то ищет) HERE! HERE IT IS!.. (пауза) Oh, you're useless... I don't even have any words for that anymore... It's terrible! TERRIBLE!!!
- Well-
- Unacceptable! Say it to your boss, 'kay?
- Mr. Jones, I have a different role than-
- ...
- ...
- What's your company name? You don't seem like Bell people. Are you a substitute? Huh?
- Yes, but I don't have a right to tell it to you, sir. It's final.
- Can your manager do that?
- (вздох) Look, is there anything else I can do for you?
- Who's your manager today? Give me his or her name! NOW!
- Sir, I would not-
- Shut up! NOW!
- (глубокий вздох) Thank you for choosing Bell Sympatico, have a good night.
- NO, YOU DON'T- click -
И так - каждый божий день...