написал с помощью Марины коротенькое мало что объясняющее письмо в тай...

Hello. My name is Alexey, I live in Moscow, Russia. I appeal to you for help concerning too many inexplicable events happening in my life lately. In brief, four years ago I happened to get an experience I called to myself «loss of soul». This was a feeling of inner light absence, pain and hopelessness. The first thought that came into my mind was to visit church, but all my attempts to talk to clergymen were not a success and left me with a feeling that they were very mistaken with their judgments. I visited Buddhist teacher later, but somehow in his presence I just forgot to verbalize my main problem and did not get an answer, vice versa I got lost in what seemed and loomed to me that period, I had nowhere to appeal. It got worse then because I was seethed with a feeling that I was a betrayer of Christianity with my appealing toward Buddhism, I spent a lot of time considering myself a betrayer who was not worth forgiveness. All that time I felt as if «сlouds gathered above me». Then there was a sensation that I was spied by some enlightened people from Internet forum, but it was very painful for me to realize that they did not understand me at all and nevertheless were trying to talk about me at the forum. After that there was a period when it seemed to me that the television was paying a lot of attention to my person. It was very painful and I could not understand what was going on. Then there was a meeting ( in my mind ) with some friendly people and I suspected that it was related to my watching of Thai Buddhist channel dmc.tv on the Internet and the attention of the teachers to me. There were many conversations (in my mind) and attempts to help me, some successful, some not… generally there were much telepathy and different creatures around…but all this time I cannot meditate…I suspected special service to control me…and I had several contacts with creatures from outer space…I had met the Christ later and the God himself after and talked to them all…but I do not need all these conversations actually, I cannot display any special knowledge on anything, on the contrary more and more questions have arisen…


I have tried to list the main events which have taken place next to me but my questions are not only about them, I am trying to obtain harmony again and I guess that the only thing that can help me is the persistent practice of Buddhism and Christianity, simultaneously if it is possible,together probably. But I cannot meditate. I do not know what mantra is better for me to use to manage my problems. Maybe I need any special rituals. I kindly ask you to help me to see what I can do.

Thanks in advance.
Alexey.

P.S. I describe all the above mentioned events at length in my diary here
http://www.liveinternet.ru/users/2349894/more
But unfortunately, I regret to say I cannot myself translate it into English.






Тут же посыпались объяснения насчет того что они думают в настоящий момент...не могу сказать что мне не интересно....но суть не в этом сначала было чувство какой-то помощи оттуда.....а потом такое чувство что кто-то начал вникать в мою проблему и особо расстроился насчет того что письмо из России. А потом ему с каждой минутой становилось более и более понятно что ситуация у меня полная жопа....и я начал вместо помощи ощущать беспокойство....нифига этому не рад....и так беспокойств хватает, а тут еще одно....стараюсь держаться и надеюсь что все будет переосмысленно правильно и этот кто-то вернется в нормальное расположение духа....а пока мне хочется от него куда-нить сбежать.....потому что когда кто-то волнуется то я сам волнуюсь................вот сижу и дергаюсь........и некуда деваться......хоть плачь.......