I watch him on Youtube or wherever and my heart gets constricted. I just want to find some semblance of solace in the circle of his arms, pressed up against his chest, nuzzling his clavicle. Feel his fingertips on the nape of my neck. His breath at the shell of my ear. That's all I want. No drama, no comlications, just simple human comfort.

I know that for that wish alone every respectable religion (and most irrespectable ones) on the planet will hurl me to every imaginable hell for all eternity. And then and there, burning for the rest of time, I'll probably be too out of this world to remember why it happened. But in the here and now I sin again and again with no trace of repentance and can't stop my little black sinful damned-for-all-time heart from going to him.