Real Love.
Whatchu know about dat? I thought I knew. Thought I had it, but I guess things don't come as easily as they do in the movies. I'm used to seeing girl likes boy, boy likes girl, boy and girl fall in love and live happily ever after. Bullshit.
It's more like girl falls head over heels for boy. boy thinks he likes girl? Boy slams door in girls face. Now that's reality. I don't care what any love song says. I am a testimonial to this shit. Trust.
I'm a broken mess right now and I'm hiding behind my new Estee Lauder double wear foundation; that I am in love with by the way. Now that's true love. When something in a little bottle can make me feel like a super model, that's love. However, I am having my doubts that so little comes at such a hefty price. But that's life. Nothing is cheap. You only have to give every little ounce of yourself to be appreciated. That shit ain't right.
Brokeness. My heart is struggling to beat at it's normal pace. It's like I need to be over it but I'm not over it. No matter how many times I can say I'm done, I know deep within I NEED to be done. I NEED to be able to say "I'm Over it" and mean it. But right now I'm in that "whatever!" stage where I say I don't care but deep inside I know I still care. I just don't understand why I am so weak for him. He's the oxygen in me and when he takes it away my heart beats in rhythm to that Chris Brown and Jordin Sparks song.... "Tell me how i'm supposed to breathe with no air air air..".
Nobody gets it. Sometimes I don't even get it. I don't wanna get it. I wish things were easy like Sunday morning. I'm stressed not only with this bullshit, but with school and deadlines and projects and acne.
I'm tired of waking up with fat bumps on my chin and cheeks. Ever since I was left crying in the dark that early Friday morning my skin has gone crazy. That and I'm too lazy to wash my face before I hit the sack. That could be it. I want this shit cleared by Dez's wedding this summer. If it doesn't I will have to take some drastic measures yo.
Speaking of wedding. Dez and Davin are getting married in four months. I just ordered my bridesmaids dress last week. The thought of wedding plans make my stomach uneasy. I know that's pretty messed up but it does. I'm still waiting for Dez to fully lash out on me as Bridezilla. I'm talking hardcore shit. But at least she's getting her happy ending. She's got a
man who adores her and provides her with the security every girl deserves.
I'm kinda jealous.
I want that, but I think I'm doomed to die before I ever get married. That's my theory anyway. I have only one request; someone sing to me at my funeral.Help me feel something.
