**Private**
Fucking... things just keep getting better and better, don't they? First Kameko got put in the hospital and Kenichi got kidnapped, then Ryuuen and I fought over the fact that he thinks it's Tohma and I doubt he'd ever kidnap a child, then Hisoka showed back up again, and now I get to find out that my baby is not Ryuuen's. I sure know how to fucking pick the time to leave my husband, don't I? I've considered going back to him... several times today, in fact. I don't think I will, though. I really do love Ryuuen, I'm just trying to decide what is best for my child because apparantly I'm not allowed to be happy. Okay, that's a bit of a lie. I am happy. I was especially this weekend and last night. We went to visit Otousan this past weekend. That was relaxing except for the fact that Eiri told Otousan that Ryuuen beats me. Bullshit, we need to have a talk... Shiori was adorable as well.

Valentine's day was just as wonderful, if not more. Ryuuen made us lunch and then we had a romantic dinner. It felt nice to just sit down and relax with him. I love him so much, and I hope he can love the child I'm going to have as his own, even though it probably will look like Tohma. I've also allowed Tohma to see the child as well. I don't want to cut him off from the child we could never have together.

I started my new job on Monday. That wasn't the best, but I'm getting the hang of it quickly. I'm Tohma's secretary. It certainly feels strange and now that I think about it, neither he nor Ryuuen seem too keen on it. Perhaps this wasn't the best choice. It pays well, that's for sure. All of it is very stressful, though.

I want a fucking cigarette...

https://users.livejournal.com/-mika/13936.html