Why does it feel like my world is crashing down around me?

Private
Hell, who am I fooling? I know why and soon the whole world will know. My husband... ex-husband... ex-fiancee. I don't know what to call him anymore. Tohma... Seguchi-san... fuck. Him. He just broke it off. He said that God told him to. Bullshit. He read a book and concocted some plan. He's probably going to go to someone else and he just doesn't want to tell me. Eiri or Ryuichi... though for some reason, I doubt it. Ryuichi said himself that he didn't like to see me hurt. And Eiri... he knows I'd figure that out sooner or later.

Speaking of Ryuichi... he was very sweet. I honestly didn't expect that sort of kindness from him. He proved me wrong. All these years I've disliked him, but that's only because I haven't gotten to know him. I just knew the part that was in love with my husband. I wish I hadn't judged him before all this. Though, while he's doing his best to make me feel better, I just don't feel like anything will work. I don't have a damned explanation. Perhaps if there had been a better reason for him to leave me I would have taken it better. Hard to say now, but it's always possible.

I need another pack of cigarettes... I'm out again.

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