Using my own (crappy) sense of humour, I devised a list of alternative names for the songs written (exclusively; i.e. collaborations do not count) by John Deacon. This list is in chronological order and in order that songs appear on albums, in case there is more than one Deacon song per album.

1) I Like That Erection
2) This Song Is About My Wife (My First Song Without Sexual Innuendo)
3) One Night Stand
4) Get the Hell Outta Here (My Second Attempt at Writing Without Sexual Innuendo)
5) I Don't Like to Be Sexually Harrassed by Women Because It Makes Me Feel Inferior
6) Fuck Them, Let's Get Pissed
7) One Night Stand, Episode # 2
8) Die, Fucker!
9) I Need You (Only Because I Don't Like to Masturbate)
10) Keep Your Fucking Voice Down (Now everyone Will Think I Wrote This after a Dispute with My wife)
11) I Want to Have Sex (The Song of the Homosexual)
12) The Song About How Much I Love Roger Taylor
13) I Was AIDS Tested And They Didn't Find Anything