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Статистика LiveInternet.ru: показано количество хитов и посетителей
Создан: 17.04.2004
Записей: 25
Комментариев: 8
Написано: 97





proof that they lie

Вторник, 03 Августа 2004 г. 21:44 + в цитатник


How to make a madcat_42
Ingredients:

3 parts success

3 parts courage

1 part leadership
Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Serve with a slice of wisdom and a pinch of salt. Yum!


Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com


wisdom? leadership? courage? i think they lie


Life at home.

Вторник, 22 Июня 2004 г. 17:49 + в цитатник
Wake up in pain like normal. Lie around in bed for an hour or so then get forced to get up and wash and eat and dress and stuff....after that lie on bed and read till lunch or till good awfull chores turn up like trying to lift heavy stuff into the attic....eat lunch while being in pain from lifting.....repeat earlier sequence till i guess people will be online......discover noone is online then get kicked off computer....eat supper look bored goto bed....repeat substituting deep and meaningful conversations with parents on my life and future and wot i did wrong.

Nothing to do, nowhere to go and no-one to speak to.....im soooooo bored and cant wait to get back to the nut house....already miss everyone there and my parents talk as if i am leaving guildford and coming home.....at least my mum may have realised that getting me out of guildford may require an army or two. Everyone at home has decided they know whats wrong with me and they all want to give me advice....seeing as they dont know any of the history id like to see how they came up with their conclusions but there we go. got my shrink tomorrow and a careers advisor on thursday....would have been nice to see people tomorrow but the bastards are all at work so i will have to settle with bugging danny :)
ne-way ill stop bitchin at this and will see everyone on thursday if im not forced to stay longer

byesy bye

Whisper

Понедельник, 31 Мая 2004 г. 23:24 + в цитатник
Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself

This truth drives me
Into madness

I know I can stop the pain
If I will it all away

Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)

I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know
That there's much more to come
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be
Blinded by tears
I can stop the pain
If I will it all away

Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)

Fallen angels at my feet
Whispered voices at my ear
Death before my eyes
Lying next to me I fear
She beckons me
Shall I give in
Upon my end shall I begin
Forsaking all I've fallen for
I rise to meet my end

Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)

Sorry

Четверг, 20 Мая 2004 г. 00:34 + в цитатник
I cant know if what i said hurt people. I hope not. I lose concentration and snap at things. If it didnt matter then ignore this if it did then im sorry.

snerb

Четверг, 20 Мая 2004 г. 00:32 + в цитатник

Explanations

Вторник, 04 Мая 2004 г. 20:58 + в цитатник
this will probably be the last post here and i will delete the journal in a few days so I hope you read it before then.

No you were never supposed to read this...at least not for a few months yet and the reasons should be obvious. Most of the views put forward in the posts below are exagerations of how I feel at my worst. They are mostly written at stupid times in the morning when I was drugged up and mostly asleep. As to why I never said these things aloud....well just the fact that you have to ask that shows that you dont understand me. I cant say these things. I couldnt and havent "said" these things aloud to anybody..at all. I am not capable of that. I have enough problems confroting myself about things let alone anybody else. However that is no excuse and I know it. I know I should have said something yet I didnt. However I will try to explain here how i felt.

I couldnt confront you about any of this for fear of undoing all the work that annie and others had done. I know you were trying your best and seeking help. This is why I couldnt tell you. As you said if you knew that anybody had felt that way (even for a while) then why should you bother. This was the exact reason why I didnt say anything. If you had known that during the dark moments I thought that way would you have bothered? I dont know whether just one persons depressed feelings would tip you over the edge and I wasnt prepared to find out. I wouldnt do that to you. You knew at least a bit how i felt at times. You must have done after that havoc.

The truth is that I cannot relate to very many people. There are three that I can think of and you only know one of them. To these people only can I say how I trully feel. Its not just that. I have been trying to work up the courage to tell you how I felt. I was trying to find the right words. SO to stop me from saying the wrong things I wrote the worst. I this way could I save myself from blurting out in front of others and from fucking up in other more violent ways. It was a release that only 2 other people knew about and was supposed to stay that way (even though I knew this day would come I hoped to have more time) as you know Annie knew cos I cant seem to hide anything from her. Chris also knew cos he found out (walked in while I was typing) these are all and noone else was supposed to find out.

This journal only contained the worst of feelings...things i couldnt say. I suppose it could read that these are my only feelings but i hope you know me better than that. Everything else was said aloud. How you have seen me up to this point is my normall feelings. The few things that I have said aloud or posted on other peoples journals are true. I wouldnt bullshit about this. However as I have said I needed somewhere to write the worst of everything. Almost all of these posts were written originally at around 4 o clock in the morning. At the times when i am alone in the dark and feeling like shit.

I am trully sorry and fully aware that I fucked up. I hope you have read this in the spirit that it is meant that the journal was written to stop a worse scenario from happening. If all had gone right (which it never does) these black time feelings would have been consigned to history where they belong and would have never seen the light of day....this didnt happen and to a certain extent I am glad that you read it and now know how I feel at my worst. The mere fact that you have read this means that most of them will go....oh and for your information this isnt the only journal like this its just the only one anybody knew about. The others have been closed and this one will as well. I will try to express my feelings about people to them however I cannot promise anything. Sorry for the distress that this has caused but please see that it was done to avoid more distress to even more people.

journal ends......a new beginning

the fun of translators

Воскресенье, 18 Апреля 2004 г. 16:43 + в цитатник
How do you do, MadCat_42 You will permit still once congratulating you with the creation of diary.
Now, briefly, let us describe to you what are Internet- diaries, who them writes that he writes and why they write. But so the pair of councils for those who a little was lost - from what to begin diary. what such Internet- diary? this place, where you can write everything that you will want, then when you will want, after adding picture or without adding it. Using those words - which it wants (in the limits of reasonable). Place where you can write absolutely all this your diary - and only you here owner.

Samovyrazhaytes'! the method of contact with its friends when all shake &.tsuot;Kak of the matter of?&.tsuot; and they want to hear everything beautifully, also, with the details - are better to say to them - &.tsuot;Posmotri in my of dnevnike&.tsuot;. Here it is possible to write everything thoroughly, with the photographs if there is. this quite best of the methods to bring to itself home page. To you does not be required knowledge HTML, it will not be required to suffer with the hosting and it is constantly difficult it to renew. There is that to say - it arrived - it wrote.

And always can re-read, show friends. who and why writes diaries? on this site the diaries conduct more narrowly several thousand people age; from 12 to 60 years although - you can write any age - no one will verify. people conduct diary in order to describe about themselves to other people, it is simple in order to try to find themselves, for the publication of its literary and photographic works, in order to find way out from the depression and to find its love. and some it is simple so - because it is fashionable. to look the last records, which carried other people into their diaries, always it is possible to look, after harvesting to the reference of &.tsuot;Lenta of dnevnikov&.tsuot;.

On this page it in the upper right-hand corner of page. how from what to begin to conduct diary? The majority of people began its diary from the brief story about itself - how many years, from where as mood and as the matters. and who that simply would write the first-encountered into the head thought that you they did not write - this who nibud' will read, you yue poprivetstvuyet - and so will be tied the first acquaintance. To technically write the first record it is simpler than the simple. For this it suffices to harvest to the button &.tsuot;Novaya zapis'&.tsuot;, located under this communication. In the appeared window it is possible to write first in your diary text. If you cannot write communication on kirilitse - for you is made the button of &.tsuot;Translit&.tsuot;. Write on the roman alphabet communication - and it is converted into the Russian text.

After writing of the first entry, it is possible to add in the diary its photograph. For this press in the left panel above on to ssylkuDobavit' photo. But generally our system makes possible for you to add to 12 photographs of the size of yshch0khyshch0 of pikseley. After harvesting the reference of &.tsuot;Nastroyki&.tsuot; in the left panel - you can change the exterior view of your diary - after assigning to it the color of background, the color of text and other parameters.

After the arrangement of the first entry in their diary - it is possible to go to take a walk on other diaries, to read a little about which write other people and to leave with them their commentaries. This is done on the pressure on the reference commentaries in by right the lower angle of each piece of information. To look to the last commentaries of other users in other diaries, is possible in the tape of commentaries, reference on which can be found in the upper right-hand corner of page.

We congratulate, you learned bases and operating principles with the diary. We desire to you success and mass of the interestingly carried out time. On any questions and to problems it is possible to report to the forum, reference to which can be found in the left panel of your diary, below - questions and problem. Thus, forward! To write the first entry in the diary

Первая запись

Воскресенье, 18 Апреля 2004 г. 16:20 + в цитатник
Welcome one and all to the depths of my mind


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