Rio de Janeiro

I

there are no forces to live

Sometimes I think I am crazy. Yesterday I was talking with a friend who knows Rio de Janeiro better than any one that I know; I asked for him teaches me the way to the airport. Next year I will make this journey for several times with him until I learn it. Some minutes latter, I realized that she will just come in 2007. I began to laugh by myself. I am very anxious. But I think she doesn´t believe in me. It´s a pain. I am hearing Hide and Seek now. It´s really astonished how I like this song. It´s so depressed; but, how I feel me good when I hear it. Today, while I was working, I got remember the girls I liked during my whole life; name by name. How much dissapointment ! I was betrayed; deceived; some of them made fun with me. I think all of those experiences made me what I am today: Insecure.

Estou ouvindo Hide and Seek de uma banda chamada Winamp; boa e melancolica musica pra se perguntar: "Aonde eu errei?" Será mais uma decepção? Como eu pude amar tanto alguêm desse país?

This is Parati in Rio de Janeiro State. Yaoi_hunter will pass by there. Parati was built in the XVI century by the portugueses to take out the gold from here to Europe.

a small fall

a small river in Parati

This is one of the several beaches in Parati City.

I would like to put some photos of the horses Yaoi_hunter will ride but I dont know how

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot; who calls you back when you hang up on him; who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats; who holds your hand in front of his friends; who thinks you' re just as pretty without make up on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, "THAT IS HER"....

I really think there's a reason that I like her so much. Like something is telling me not to let her go. Every time I follow my heart... it leads me to her. I mean... what other explanation is there. Why is it that she is all I can think about? Why is it that no matter how upset I am... I talk (oops) I communicate with her and I can't help but smile? Why is it that when she talks at me... I get that feeling in my stomach? And even when she'd broken my heart, and hurt me as much as anyone could ever hurt me... when she lied to me... and I hated her... why then did I still feel those same feelings? Answer me that, and then I'll tell you why I let her hurt me so much.

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you respond my questions. I hate the way you say good bye. I hate it when you stare. I hate the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

I would like to know if those that love really are an idiot. Am I? I used to say that: This is just love. But nobody loves as I; so am I a idiot? What is love? Is to do anything for an impossible thing to become real? is it look at inside you and to say: "I do want it" ? Is it to do anything to the beloved person shows a smile? People in my job say I am a fool. I think I am. Why nobody likes me? Why can I not find someone who can be able to accept me as I am? My heart is so hard now...Sometimes I ask me, " why? ". Why can I not to act as any other person, selfish and rude? Maybe I dont have personality, maybe. I never thought I could be able to right my thoughts in a diary. I am ashamed of myself. I think I am really an idiot. She is right. But I cannot go against my nature. This is the way I love; until I become tired...

the last photo

Ok, I am ugly; but the difference is in the way how you look at yourself.

I think I have got to right something in this diary. How I have already said, I look like a blind man here. I am touching in every links. I think I have got it.

This is my fist message. I am like a blind man in this site coz I dont understand anything of what I see. I will try to right my feelings that I cherish for a friend; well, I am not sure if she looks upon me as a true friend. I love her, but she hates me. I wanna understand the "enters" and "exits" of her mind. This is to everybody, who becomes interested, to read and to comment. I rely on you every.