You know its been a long time since i have used this. Many things have happened in the course of the summer. I met an angel on ICQ and met her in person on september 29th...i fell for her right then. Becky was a great girl. Then suddenly november 4th i lost her because of something that i think i did. Tomorrow heather is making me call her so pray to god that things will work out. I am kinda scared. I have a final then i have to call her. I never knew how much i really cared about her.

I remember all the fun conversations she and i shared over the summer. She kept me company as i studied away the wee night hours and i tried to help her through her boy problems. She always had some cute story to tell which always relaxed me enough to know i was going to be ok, even when my first summer roommate was hell. My friends conned me in to asking her on a date and would you believe she said yes. I was so excited because i knew in my heart that she was going to be beautiful...yet i was scared. What if she didn't like me.

I took her to the san juans and whale watching. that was a blast. then we missed out ferry and just cuddled on a hill top over looking friday harbor. We went to go see the movie almost famous then i took her home. I will never forget the feelings that went through me when i saw her come to the door that morning. I was amazed at how incredibly beautiful she was, and how sweet hear smile was, and how perfect she looked. I felt as if i knew this girl my whole life yet i only knew her in person for 10 seconds. I gave her a teddy bear and some flowers and even a friendship bracelet that took a week to make because of how busy i was.

I wasn't too intimidated by her yet i was just enough to be bashful. I got home after our first date at 3 am and had to be up that morning at 5:45 so i could get down town and go to a meeting at work. I didn't mind being tired because i was so excited to tell everyone how much fun i had. Things promptly went down hill though. Becky told me she liked me yet i still lost her. School was getting rough and work was also and the stress began to pour on heavier each day.

Due to the stress 3 things happened...i first began to depress because i couldn't do as much as i wanted and everything was demanding more hours per week than there were. I then proceeded to get clingy toward becky...i really don't know why that happened to me...i think i just felt my depression was pushing her off so i felt i had to hold on and not let her go. Finally i got pissy, which put me in the bag i bet and that would most likely be the set of reasons becky no longer wants communication between her and i. I have tried many times to get her back yet all have failed...tomorrow though hopefully when she hears my voice things will spark and the chain reaction will come push us back to being friends atleast.

I miss her dearly and each day that goes by my missing her gets stronger. My one christmas wish for this year the only one i want more than anything, is to have becky be my friend and talk to me again. My new years resolution for this coming year the year 2001 is to work on not being so clingy and to stop letting school work and other stresses get me down as well as to work on things between becky and i so that she and i may remain friends. and God if you read this, please know, I do care about becky and i don't wanna hurt her and i mean it when i say Im sorry i took the gift you gave me(Beckys friendship) for granted, Please God help her and I find one another again. Well its 12:12 and i have a final in less than 8.5 hours so i must be off to bed.

ttfn tah tah for now.

https://pooh.livejournal.com/1298.html