Hey there! Sometimes I just hate life so bad. Well..first the good stuff..I guess..I finished my CNA classes, and only have to take the state exam. That should be easy though!

Now the sad/bad part. Ha..(can you tell I'm in a bad sarcastic mood? No really! I couldn't be better!)..I met this awesome guy the day after Thanksgiving, and we have a lot in common. We got to talking and we decided to be a couple..I don't know what happened..I fucked it up bad, and if I could go back in time, I'd change it.. I'm an IDIOT!!
His dad and my uncle got in a fight a long long time ago, when my dad was just a little kid. When my dad found out that my guy was that man's son, he got scared and said that he was afraid that he might be like his dad...I don't know what his dad is like really, but when I met him, he was really nice to me! Anyway, so, I opened my huge mouth (my guy told me to be honest, and we were talking about that shit that happened..soo.. yeah). That was about 3 weeks ago. I've been totally messed up over it ever since then. I keep trying to see the bright side of it, and hope that he changes his mind..but come on.. 3 weeks isn't good! I'm going insane, because he won't communicate with me. I don't know whether I should go and see him and try talking to him about it, or if I should leave him alone.. I can't just leave it, I know that.. haha..I put WAY too much heart and love into this relationship (yes, I know it was a very short time..but hey! that's the way I am!). I don't know how he could just do that and not go nuts..I mean ESPECIALLY if he was as nuts about me as he said he was. How do you go from wanting to grow old with a person to cutting them off completely? Even if he got mad at my dad for judging him. He said he wasn't mad at me..but it feels like it, you know? I can't stand it. :( This really is not good. I just want to crawl into a dark, black hole and die. It's not fair either.. I know I'm going on and on, and you can stop reading this if you'd like.. I wish somebody out there would give me some advice!! Should I get my ass over there and talk to him, or should I walk away, and try to get over it?!
My family doesn't know I'm so sad about it. I don't like to express sad feeling with them, because that's just the way I am. I keep telling them "No, I'm okay" when really, I'm not. I thought I felt bad before I met my guy, but it's worse now than before I met him. My self-esteem blew up when I met him, and now it's worse than what it was before I even met him.. I don't want to do anything but take drives or walks. The problem with driving is that I won't concentrate as hard as I should be when I'm sad or mad, and walking..eh.. at least that doesn't impose any problems. In fact, I will probably do that tomorrow, if I can. ALONE, I don't even want my sister to accompany me like I usually do. This really sucks..:(

http://firebug86.livejournal.com/707.html