1.)Never, ever put anyone in a position where you know they can't say ''no'' to you, even though they might want to. Don't lie to yourself, or you're gonna fck yourself over, literally.

2.)Never call your babushka in Kazakhstan to advise you on your relationship in NEW YORK. I mean she might be magical & all that, but you know if you're stupid she ain't gonna help you.

3.)If one of your friends tells you that your bf is probably with his ex right now, chances are, they had a boring day & they wanna see your reaction & have a good laugh. very evil laugh, not out loud of course...but they'll laugh, trust me.

4.)Don't protect your friend from your girlfriend, especially if her comebacks are like a muha compared to a slon, besides you KNOW your friend can out-talk both of you, & by far. =]

5.)When passing in the neighborhood of your ex bfs house, DON'T spontaneously decide that you NEED to buy a hamster because you're feeling lonely...cuz I mean a hamster is worse than a boyfriend, you're gonna have to feed him, clean after him, & he's not gonna do shit except exercise in that lil round thing some people call a wheel. Then again, at least he exercises.)

6.)Don't be exited about passing night school, when you know you could have just done good in day school. But you know I guess those are the people who love school so much that they wanna stay three extra hours after school is out for normal people.

7.)Don't trip & fall at your own prom, expecially if you're nmot wearing heels...this might cause people to think that they've drank too much, when in reality it's most likely that you drank too much.

8.)Don't get a bf w.o. a job. (self explanatory)

9.)Don't act like a nympho & then pretend to be surprised that your bf is neglecting you. I mean damn, too much is just too much

10.)Don't do rock concerts if you can't do rock concerts.

11.)Don't come on an audition for Fabrika & tell the judges ''oh, I didn't come here for Farbika, I was just passing by, you know went out to the deli to get some milk, decided to stop by, see what's up.'' Cuz chances are, they ain't taking you.

12.)Don't accept an offer all the way in Tver' to play guitar after you just got your nails done, not smart, don't be blonde, like me.

13.)Don't abuse your bf/destroy his house, I think your mom has more interesting stuff to do than to get angry phone calls from his mom & then pay for medical bills & shit.

14.)Don't play ''sand in a sock'' on a Sat. night on Brighton Beach when all the babushka's are walking their dogs.

15.)Don't be an isterik/isterichka.

16.)Don't talk shit about ppl in BK thinking it won't get to them, because it will & they probably ain't gonna appreciate it. Unless they love attention, to vi im delaete horoshiy piar, pri4em for free.]

17.)This is for all you SP fans: You & your friend go to the beach to tan, she asks you if she's tanning the right way. Don't answer ''TiMMy!'' (One, that leaves her clueless, two, that makes you look stupid.)

18.)Don't get drunk if you have a photoshoot the next morning. A photoshoot consisting of headshoots...ahem.

19.)Don't untie by bathing suit, refuse to tie it, & then try to teach me to play ''Bespe4niy Angel'' on the beach...in the pouring rain, kak vi sebe eto predstavlayete?

20.)Don't stay up until 5 am w. your step sis. discussing bubbling experiences, then get up in the morning & read articles in cosmo about it. That's basically why people wonder ''why the day is so short?'' Try getting outta bed sometimes.

21.)Don't play ''ya nikoga net'' after a few Martinis. (even though I rock at that game ;)

22.)Don't procrastinate, you'll regret it.

23.)Don't regret.

24.)When you call your ex, try to ask how they're doing, not WHO they were dong last night. Even though we all know you want to.

25.)Don't think too much, but think enough to be two steps ahead.

26.)Don't od on valeryanka.

27.)DON'T stalk your ex under his building and call him from a pay phone saying you don't got your damn metrocard. Either he won't give a fck, & you're gonna have to stand there the whole night or admit that you lied. Your choice. My advice? Both ways you're kinda fckd.

28.)Don't lie if you know you have the memory of a babushka.

29.)Don't go throwing bottles & burning paper on Brighton Beach...I hope YOU're not the reason the ''Tatyana'' burned down...tsk tsk.

30.)If you see a big pink box that says ''Clothing & Shoe Drop'' Don't take a picture with it & then post it everywhere on the internet, because if you didn't know...it's a garbage can, except for clothes & it's pink but that won't make people think you're anymore sane than if you took one near a recycling bin.

© -L.L. 9.12.07.