В колонках играет - ''Mne Trudno Govorit'- REFLEX & ''Polusa''-Smislovie Gallucinacii
Настроение сейчас - like I said...0PTIMISIC.

I guess it's kind of like when my step sister told me- ''You'll be thankful in the future that he rejected you that day.'' That was about the end of the summer, few last days. We were on the train going somewhere, & all I could think about was why did my ''let me drink, & smoke some more, & then leave god knows where with Dima'' plan didn't work...
What I didn't know is that today I am more than thankful that it didn't Can you imagine if it was me & not Nastya that he left with. I wouldn't get over him in a good two years, & probably regret for a good five. What Dasha told me was a very optimistic point of view, he remembered what happened last time, & he knew that if he hooked up (I mean all the way ''hooked up'') with me he'd feel bad because he himself knows he fucks people over, but Nastya, he knew she wouldn't care much. So in a way, she told me to think of it as that he respects you, & didn't want to hurt you, as opposed to rejection.



So now, IF ANYTHING, I know that whatever happened with whoever shouldn't hurt me (it does, but shouldn't, you know...) Yes I guess I don't admit it now, but I do feel in a few months I will be VERY thankful that either God, or he himself, or just consequences didn't let me lower myself to that level where I would let myself be cheated...(literally- unfortunately.) Always felt so strong about myself leaving ''as soon as something'', but this time I knew I would be stupid & stay, YES EVEN IF something didn't happen, I don't even mean as much physically, as emotionally. So yes I am thankful for that one little thing that still makes me respect myself, & that didn't let me go below my principles.



A pessimist would call this rejection. I would call this a favor.
One thing that I do know is that I'm ahead of the game, yes a loser, but a loser who's still ahead of the game. & she might win, but she'll never gain what I gained. You have to give some to get some. So you have have to loose some to have room to take something else in. So I guess this time I lost to someone, but what I gained was not making the most regretful mistake of my life, to forgive what can't be forgiven, & to close my eyes on something a self respecting person wouldn't.


Now, only one question, since when am I, this optimistic?